The Queen's Battle
by Sapphire Smoke
Summary: Slayer dreams don't always mean an apocalypse is looming, but they're still confusing as hell. •Buffy/Faith• •Buffy/Satsu•
1. The Excuses We Make

**Title:** The Queen's Battle  
**Author:** Sapphire Smoke  
**Beta: **supershineygirl on LJ  
**Fandom:** Buffy The Vampire Slayer  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing(s):** Buffy/Faith, Buffy/Satsu**  
****Timeline:** Season 8 - though in my world the whole Gigi thing never happened and the whole world isn't going to shit with Twilight. Because I say so. lol  
**Summary:** Slayer dreams don't always mean an apocalypse is looming, but they're still confusing as hell.  
**A/N:** I don't know why I'm doing another mutichapter story. I think I might be insane.

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE  
****The Excuses We Make**

"What are we doing?"

The quiet question seemed to echo through the darkness of the room, hanging in mid air over their heads like it has after every single time this has happened in the past month. Buffy always had to ask it outloud; always had to voice it, like each time she does she expects a different, grander answer to something so simple yet so complicated.

Satsu doesn't answer her; she's decided to stop trying to find answers for her, knowing that Buffy isn't looking for any answer that she could give her. She knows she needs to find it for herself. But Buffy still waits, the question lingering overhead, for some grand insight she expects the younger Slayer to give her. But nothing comes besides a soft kiss to her neck, something that's meant to be comforting, but it makes Buffy close her eyes and try to remember that what she's doing constitutes 'wrong' in every single meaning of the word.

This thing with Satsu is like déjà vu for her; Spike happening all over again only this time there's a lot less violence involved. But strip it down to the core and you can still stamp 'user and abuser' on her forehead. Sometimes she thinks she should; at least just to give people fair warning, though then she realizes another human being would probably never want to get close to her again, and the fact that that stops her, makes her want to tattoo 'selfish' on her left butt cheek; though that being on her left butt cheek may make that warning come just a little too late.

Well, the placement of the tattoo can be up for debate.

Satsu looks down at Buffy, her features outlined by the soft light of the moon spilling through the window. She looks distressed, again, just like after every single time they've had sex and all she wants to do is reach out and fix it. Buffy won't ever let her come that close though. They can fall into bed with each other time after time and for being so close to the alpha Slayer she knows she's still so distant. She may even be more distant from her now then she ever was before. Buffy used to talk to her but now she barely speaks more than a couple words to her and most of them are barked out orders. They slay, they have sex.

How meaningless it is breaks Satsu's heart and yet she can't stop herself from wanting to be wrapped up in Buffy's embrace, even for a moment. To know that just for a second Buffy is all hers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Satsu asks quietly, even though she knows she'll be shot down. She doesn't know why she bothers; Einstein once said the definition of insanity is to perform the same task over and over and expect different results; which could also, arguably, be the definition of stupid too.

But then again, they also say love is stupid. And blind. And… complicated. Yes, love was definitely complicated, especially for someone who's apparently insane and stupid.

Buffy looks up at her lover and forces herself to give her a small smile. She reaches her hand out and tucks a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear before pressing her palm to her cheek. "I'm okay," she tells her, even though they both know she's not. Satsu accepts her answer though and that might be why it's so easy for Buffy to keep doing this.

Satsu doesn't force her to come up with answers or reasons. She doesn't send her weird mixed signals and then demand unmixed ones from Buffy herself (unlike _some _people she knows). Buffy knows exactly what Satsu wants from her and yet the younger slayer is still patient enough to let Buffy figure out what it is that _she _wants even though she's been all over the map lately.

_I think I like you. We can't be together. Yes, let's have lots of rampant lesbian sex, please. Oh no, wait, that was a mistake. But, hey, let's do it again. Wait no, this is bad because I'm not gay and you could die. But hey, everyone has a bi-curious moment or twelve, right? Good. Bad. Yay, orgasms. Guilt. Good. Bad. Etc, etc and so on and so forth._

Buffy's giving _herself _a headache. She has no idea how Satsu can stand it.

It's not even the girl thing that wigs her anymore; though that was a large contributing factor during her first private little mental breakdown she had in the shower last month. Buffy's still not ready to jump on the gay train and wave a rainbow flag around by any means, but she's accepted that there's a part of her that actually enjoys the touch of another woman. Though whether that means she enjoys women as a whole gender or just Satsu, she has yet to figure out.

It was all too easy to give in. Satsu is beautiful, confident… sweet. Buffy remembers how it started that first night. Wound up from the slay and emotions running high. She barely stood a chance against her lesbian powers (because seriously, she's got to have some sort of powers cause… _wow)_ and it seemed like such a simple answer to a more complicated problem.

"_This is a bad idea," Buffy told the younger slayer breathlessly, who's eyes were black from desire. Buffy could feel it coursing through her as well and she just said that to have it out there; have it known. They weren't even doing anything yet, but god did she want to._

"_Probably," Satsu responded honestly, but her breathing is hitched and they were drawing closer. _

_Neither of them really knew how they ended up in that position, so intimately together against a wall. Buffy vaguely remembered tripping over the rug in the hallway as she tried to make a frantic dash to her room so she could relieve some tension, and she vaguely remembered Satsu catching her before she fell and steadying her against said wall. But that was ages ago, wasn't it? Buffy felt like she'd been staring at the younger girl forever, her heart pounding in her throat and every inch of her threatening to explode._

_Buffy wanted to kiss her so badly and the revelation kind of startled her because the only person she's ever had that thought about was… well, that didn't end well. Buffy's pretty sure because of that she shouldn't be wanting to kiss other girls. Any girls. Girls in general. Then again, she never had the best track record with men either and oh_ god _she could now feel Satsu's breath against her lips._

_She was not this damp a second ago. Has she become gay? Can you_ become _gay?_

_And Satsu's in love with her! That's not the best way to start out a relationship; with one person being in love and the other… what was she doing? About to experiment? Cause right now? God, yes, did she want to experiment. There was lots of experimenting to be had if it all felt like this and they hadn't even got to the good part yet._

_The anticipation was killing her._

"_I'm just going to end up hurting you," Buffy told her softly, trying to talk some sense into her. Maybe even into herself. By this point though she was mainly just talking to talk because she was pretty sure her mind was somewhere in the realm of 'Bed, now.'_

"_I trust you," Satsu breathed over her lips, making Buffy melt into one big pile of Slayer goo. She closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to think, but the only thing that seemed to be thinking for her was her very wet—_

"_You shouldn't," Buffy whispered. "It's going to get you killed." Everyone who loves her always dies._

_Satsu smirked, thinking that she was being a bit overdramatic. She leaned and pressed her lips to Buffy's ear, "I trust you with my life, Buffy." And she did, she always would. But that wasn't what this was about. "I'm not expecting anything," she told her._

"_You're in love with me," Buffy protests, but her resolve was fading quickly. She felt her hands sneak around Satsu's body of their own accord, pulling the younger girl closer to her. Satsu smiled, Buffy could feel it against her cheek. _

"_Yes, I am. And if you want… I'll spend all night showing you how much."_

_That pretty much sealed the deal for Buffy, that one sentence being so sweet, so sensual, and so sexy the way it was breathed into her ear that it made Buffy feel like she was on fire and all she wanted was to be consumed by Satsu. And she was, completely and utterly._

It was so perfect and any sane person would jump at the chance of being with a girl like Satsu. Buffy wants to feel things for her, she does. Satsu is so close to perfect and yet Buffy can't find it in herself to feel more than just… friendship. Well, friendship with some sexy feelings. But it's like something's missing and both of them know it. Just neither of them has said anything about it. Satsu is happy with what she's getting and Buffy's just… needing to feel something human.

So no, what's wigging her isn't the girl thing; it's that deep down she knows she's just using her and that in the end she's going to end up crushing the girl's heart into a million tiny pieces… and yet she can't make herself stop. She's been lonely; she wants to feel connected again to someone in any way that she can. It's not _the _connection (that's a whole other screwed up mess she doesn't want to get into) but it's still something at least.

And that, right there, in big bold and shiny letters spells out the word "selfish."

Buffy sighs and sits up, clutching the sheets to her body. Satsu moves back a little, knowing this part all too well: the part when Buffy runs. "You don't have to go," she tells her, though once again knowing it's useless.

"I know. It's just… training tomorrow. Faith's coming back with more girls and if the last batch was anything like this next one I'm going to have to check myself into a mental institution sooner than I planned," Buffy tells her, feeling awfully old and tired all of a sudden.

"You often think about checking yourself in to a mental institution?" Satsu asks her, a little amused.

Buffy smirks a little. "More than you know."

Satsu watches the blonde gather her clothes and the silence seems to stretch on forever. It's always like this. Satsu isn't naïve about what's going on and about what this is. She knows she's going to get her heart broken in the end; that Buffy's going to come to her senses and stop this at some point. Buffy pretty much told her that from the beginning. Better to have loved and lost though, right? _That _way of thinking might make her a little naive though; she's never loved and lost… she's never experienced the pain. Yet here she is, willingly opening herself up to it. Maybe _she _should be the one checking herself into a mental institution.

She still holds onto the hope though. It's small, but it's there. She has to hold onto it because it's the only thing that keeps her sane and patient.

Once she's fully clothed, Buffy turns and leans down over the bed to cup the back of Satsu's neck as she gives her a long, deep kiss. "I want you there with me… when Faith comes back." She doesn't take her hand off of the younger Slayer's neck; maybe like she's afraid Satsu will run when faced with something Buffy absolutely needs her to do. But if, well,_ anything_ Satsu has done since she's been here has been any indication, Buffy knows she won't run. But she still has to make sure.

"You do?" Satsu asks, surprised. Whenever Faith comes back every few months with new girls, the meeting that they have is always reserved for the original "Scoobies," which she was not.

"Yeah. Faith being here is about as pleasant for me as getting a root canal and I think I need you to be my moral-support girl so I don't throw her out a window again. Xander told me that if I do I'm going to have to be the one that fixes it this time and I'm awful when it comes to being a handy… woman. Destroying I can do. Fixing? Not so much."

Last time Faith was here Buffy and her got into a huge fight which ended with Faith flying out a window (it was a first story window, but still) right before Buffy broke the dining room table by landing on it when Faith kicked her in the face. Leah swears up and down it was about Faith using up all the hot water but Satsu's pretty sure that can't be it seeing as that's a ridiculous reason to get into a fist fight over.

"Why did you?" Satsu asks cautiously. "Throw her out a window, I mean." She might as well try to find out.

Buffy sighs dramatically and sits down next to Satsu on the bed, staring at the far wall. She knows it's going to come out sounding completely insane, but maybe she does owe some kind of explanation if she expects Satsu to be there for her. "She's just… she disregards everyone else around her! She never once stops to think about anyone else but herself and _her _needs and when someone, I don't know, _rational _tries to come and explain to her the rules in a castle she's a _guest _in, she's all _'Don't get your panties in a knot, B.'_ I mean, she completely dismisses everything I say to her all the time! It wasn't even about the hot water, not really. I mean it was also about the last of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch which, hi, _so _had my name on the box. I mean who ignores names on boxes?!"

Satsu blinks. "You threw her out a window because she used up the hot water and ate your cereal?"

Buffy pauses, knowing exactly how that sounds. "Faith and I are… complicated," she tells her, like that should explain everything. "Besides, she started yelling at me first." Yeah, Childish 101? She passed that course with flying colors. Buffy sighs, running her hand through her hair. Faith just works at her last nerve. She always has. There doesn't have to be a reason why they fight; they just always do. They could try to kill each other over who's supposed to_ breathe_ first and it'd be just another day at the office.

Yeah, Satsu has her work cut out for her.

Buffy was worried. Things were always tense and edgy when Faith was around, and she knew things were going to be even weirder than usual this time. That last slayer dream…

"So you want me to try and keep you and Faith from killing each other?"

"I want you to do your thing, that thing that you do; the… calming thing. You're good at that," Buffy tells her. She shifts her hand on the bed a little before having it come up to rest on Satsu's knee. Satsu puts her hand over hers and holds it.

"I can try, Buffy." It's all she can promise. She's not exactly sure how she does the 'calming thing' though, seeing as mostly all they do together is have sex.

Buffy smiles at her a little, though it's etched in sadness still. "Thank you. I know it's a lot to ask but I… I guess maybe I need someone there who can talk some sense into me; someone who didn't experience the whole Buffy and Faith drama-fest first hand. Neutral eye… or something. They say that's important, whoever 'they' is. Are. You know."

"I get it."

Buffy licks her dry lips a little out of nervousness. She takes a breath before she untangles her hand from Satsu's and stands. She starts towards the door but stops suddenly, and Satsu can feel herself holding her breath. Buffy never stops. The older woman doesn't turn to look at her, but says quietly. "I do appreciate you, Satsu. I know I'm… confused right now, but I want you to know that I appreciate you."

Satsu doesn't say anything to that, though mostly because she doesn't know how to respond. Buffy walks out the door then, leaving the younger girl to herself. Satsu tries to not let it happen, but that little glimmer of hope inside her is fighting to get a little bit bigger just by that once revelation.

* * *

"What's she like?" Krista, one of the young slayers asks Faith as they see the castle in the distance. Her voice is wispy, like a song, reminds Faith of that blonde chick in Harry Potter. Yeah, the one that's a little nuts.

"Who, B?" Krista nods and Faith shrugs. "Blonde." She really doesn't wanna get into describing Buffy, mainly cause the first things that come to mind tend to be 'annoying', 'sexy,' and 'selfish', in no particular order.

"Great, so we got Malibu Barbie as our leader? Yeah, I can see how this is so much fucking better," Jenna scoffs, folding her arms into herself. She was still the most bitter out of all of them, only coming with Faith cause it was either that or death, basically. She might be a little bratty shit, but she doesn't wanna die.

"She's an extraordinary leader, Krista. One that I'm sure you'll learn many things from," Giles tells her.

Faith points to Giles and says dismissively. "Yeah, and that."

Faith's real good at what she does; helping girls that have gone rogue to find redemption. She wouldn't trade it for the world. Thing is, she can talk 'No Bullshit' sense into any single one of them but what she can't do is be all 'Ra Ra Buffy!' She's always real good with them up until this point, but more than one of them has caught onto the fact that Faith plus Buffy equals disaster. She's been trying to keep that suppressed, cause most of these girls respect her for trying to help when no one else would. Faith also knows that some of them figure if she doesn't like Buffy than maybe they shouldn't either, and that's not what she's trying to do. She needs them to want to stay here. This is where they're gonna get saved; not with her.

"You don't like the bitch," Jenna observes flatly, noticing her reaction to any and all things Buffy. Fuck. Well, as far as hiding her emotions went, that just blew up in her face. Again.

But she doesn't lie. "Nah, I don't." No, 'like' has never been the word to describe her feelings for Buffy Summers. It's way more complicated than that. "But ya know what? I respect her. So should all of you." Faith respects her as a leader, anyway. She could never do the shit Buffy does. Hell, last time she tried she got the troops blown up.

"How long are you going to stay?" Krista asks airily as she smiles and slides her fingers slowly down the glass of the car window. The kid's grown attached, but sometimes that happens.

"Just a week. Lettin' ya settle in before me and G take off again."

The third girl with them, Mariah, just throws her the finger with a glare out of nowhere. Faith isn't her favorite person in the world, that's for sure. Not that she can blame her.

The van pulls up to the castle doors and Faith grabs the door handle, jumping out of the vehicle before it even stops. She fucking hates car rides; she feels like she's suffocating. This is why she usually jumps on the back of her Harley to get around. Least you can breathe when you're riding it. But a Harley can't take four passengers _and _a driver so… hence van.

It smelt like cabbage.

Meet and Greet at the door wasn't the fun-filled fest of the year, but at least Buffy wasn't there which made Faith relax a little. It meant she had some time to do that yoga meditation crap Giles keeps making her do to control her anger. She's not the time bomb she was but she still has her issues, and Buffy? She was at the top of her list of issues. She knows she probably has about an hour before the meeting where they discuss the new recruits and so she slips away from the festivities as quickly as possible, letting Giles get the girls settled in while she heads toward the creek.

The creek has always been her little spot when she comes here. It's far enough away from the castle to give her space but close enough to get back if something goes down. But it's peaceful, a little step away from reality when things go shitty when she's here which, let's face it, is ninety percent of the time. She lies on the grass and watches the clouds or she just sits by the water and skims rocks along the surface, listening to nature. It's one of those things she never thought she'd be into but after the rampant migraine that is her life back in good ol' Scotland, she found that it's nice to just have a second to breathe and actually appreciate life.

The creek isn't deserted today though, which Faith finds when she sees a girl sitting in a tree overlooking the water. She turns, hearing Faith approaching her and a smile breaks out on her face as she hops down from the tree. "Faith!"

Angela, another girl who got attached, she was an orphan; no one to love and care for her her whole life. No one to tell her what was wrong and what was right. Faith was the first and it's kinda stuck in Angela's mind that Faith's almost like her savior or something. Faith doesn't feel like much of a savior though. She knows she helps, but she's not… well, she's no Buffy. She's not the Golden Girl.

Faith gives her a small smile and flops down on the grass, digging her cigarette pack out of her jacket pocket. "In the flesh," she tells her. "How's Scotland treatin' ya?"

Angela shrugs, wrapping her hand around the trunk of the tree and swinging around before she starts walking towards Faith. "It rains a lot." She sits next to her and Faith chuckles a little.

"Yeah. Ain't nothin' like Cali." It's where Angela was from originally.

"Yup." Angela sighs, watching Faith light up her cigarette. "Buffy's kind of a bitch too." That makes Faith smirk before she exhales a long stream of white smoke from her painted lips. Another one of the girls who has called her on that. Sometimes she thinks they say these things to get on her good side, but she doesn't want people hating Buffy for her.

"Yeah well, she's always gonna be that," Faith says. "But she's teachin' ya how to kick ass I take it, cause ya don't seem too broken up about bein' here."

"I like it here," Angela states, then shrugs. "She's just… she's really hard on all of us. She plays favorites too, which is completely unfair. I just kind of wish you were the one to teach us."

"Nah, I ain't good at all that. That's B's deal."

There's silence between the two girls for a little while before Angela seems to understand that she needs some space. "I'm going to go inside. You'll be helping Buffy train us later though, right? At least while you're here… like last time?"

"Last time didn't go so well." That was an understatement. "S'B's call. We'll see."

Angela picks herself off the ground and dusts her jeans off. "Well I hope you do. It was fun to watch you and Buffy spar." She gives her a little smile before she turns and walks away, leaving Faith alone.

_Spar_. Right.

What started out as sparring pretty much snowballed into a full on brawl after Faith commented on being able to smell how turned on Buffy was and that she thought it was time she got a little action. She knows the way it came out probably wasn't the best, but she seriously was just trying to help. Buffy's wound way too tight and she really needs to de-stress, especially since she's the head of the whole operation here. She wasn't offerin' or nothing, though Buffy apparently took it that way once she got wicked pissed and started mouthing off about how she'd be afraid she'd catch something since Faith 'sleeps with everything with a face'. Yeah, what commenced wasn't exactly _sparring_ anymore.

Fuck she hates coming back here.

But she sucks it up and deals because that's who she is now. She ain't gonna run away just because Buffy screws with her head constantly. They fight, yeah. _All _the time. But sometimes there are also moments of normalcy between them. Smiling, laughing; like how it used to be. Well, for that brief time anyway. The moments never last long, but they're still there. It might be those moments that make it worth it for Faith.

She doesn't like Buffy, but she respects her.

She hates being here, but she wants Buffy to welcome her anyway. Ha, like that'll happen.

The First told her that she always wanted Buffy to love her. That she needed it. Faith thought it was a crock of shit when she heard it at first, though maybe only to try to dull the feeling of being stabbed in the heart by those words, but she's realized that maybe it's true. All she fucking wants is for Buffy to see her for who she is, to accept her for who she is. To stop painting her as the villain and just get, for one god damn second, that pretty much everything Faith _ever _did was for her or about her.

Faith loves Buffy; as screwed up as that is.

She was the sister Faith never had; that's what Faith figures it has to be, anyway. Though then again, after the last Slayer dream they had that might be a gross visual. But she shared something with Faith that no one else did. They were so alike yet Buffy looked down on her because of their differences. She was young, she didn't get it. It pissed Faith off and made her lash out. She came to Sunnydale cause finally, _finally_ there was someone in the world like her; that would get it. Well, that and a huge old as fuck vampire was chasin' her ass.

But still. Buffy didn't get it.

Hell, Buffy_ still_ doesn't get it. Buffy's been the center of her fuckin' world since day one and she still can't see it. She's tried to let go and tried to move on but it hurts when she's away from her and it hurts even more when she's near her. Faith figures she just can't win, so why bother playing the game? She's still gonna end up torn to shreds by the end of it any way you slice it.

Faith swears and drops the cigarette as it burns her fingers. Fuck, she just let the whole thing burn out on her. That's what she gets for trying to be all contemplative about life and love, huh? She takes a breath, realizing her thoughts aren't going to leave her alone long enough to even attempt to clear them, so she's not even gonna bother. She stands up, figuring she might as well just get unpacked before the meeting.

Man. She is _not_ looking forward to the meeting. They never go well.

**TBC…**


	2. The Queen Doesn’t Take Orders

**CHAPTER TWO  
****The Queen Doesn't Take Orders**

"What's Yuri doin' here?"

"Her name is _Satsu,_ Faith. And what the hell is a 'Yuri'?" Buffy asks, irritated. Yeah, thirty seconds of being in the same room as Faith and already she's annoyed. She feels Satsu put a hand on the small of her back though, reminding her to try to stay calm. She huffs though, but her eyes go wide as Satsu leans in and whispers what 'Yuri' is. "Did you just call her cartoon lesbian _porn?"_ Buffy blurts out before she can stop herself.

"B, if ya seriously just called Yuri a 'cartoon', me and you are about to have an issue." A beat. "And it ain't always porn."

"She said it was porn!" Buffy says, pointing to Satsu.

"Shoujo-ai is the romantic side, actually," Satsu corrects Faith. "Yuri usually depicts a sexual relationship. Or at least that's the distinction most make." The brunette just shrugs.

"Potato, tomato. Whatever. It's some hot shit, s'all I know," Faith replies as she winks at Satsu.

Buffy's eyes almost bug out of her head. See? This is what she means. Faith just comes waltzing in here all 'Look at me! I'm sexy and watch anime porn!' and… is Satsu smirking at her? She's not supposed to be amused by Faith! She's supposed to be on _her_ side. Great, this is just going _swimmingly._

"Right. Well, as fascinating as this cultural conversation is…" Giles starts, "Faith?" He's looking at her to report and Faith tears her eyes away from watching the interaction between Buffy and Satsu. There's something bugging her about it, but she lets it go. From what she heard, Satsu is Buffy's second in command now which is probably why she's playin' with the big kids.

Faith's never really talked to her much, but from the little she has she likes the kid. She's that 'strong willed but has a heart of gold' type; Real eager, real dedicated, but also willin' to look at things rationally. Outta all of 'em she's definitely the best so Faith can see why Buffy chose her.

"Alright, well first up we got Jenna. Bit of a hard ass, completely fuckin' hates everything, apparently. Gotta lot of anger in her. She was abused a lot of her life and when she got her callin' she started dishing out payback and then some. She's only here cause it was either this or she dies, so she ain't jumpin' for joy over the idea," Faith tells them, settling back into the couch. "She's gonna take a lot of work and if she calls you a cunt don't take it personal: it seems to be her favorite word."

"Lovely," Buffy says dryly. Faith tries like hell to ignore her even though she wants to snap at her.

Buffy's always like this with the girls she brings to her. Never once is she happy that Faith's started to bring them past the brink; started savin' them. Faith swears all Buffy sees when Faith comes is more work, more responsibility that Faith's dumping on her and that's not what she's tryin' to do. Faith's got her job and Buffy's got hers. Ain't nowhere in her job description does it say that she's supposed to be following through with all of them. Not that she wouldn't want to, she actually would love to help these girls all the way through, but she can't exactly go out save more of them if she's stuck here. She gets them past the real bad part, but the rest is up to Buffy.

"Then we got Krista. She was just tryin' to get attention, really. She's a good kid but her minds a little messed up. Think she hears voices, honestly, but she's always real happy, even when she was fuckin' up. Not quite sure what her deal is."

"Do we have another Dana on our hands?" Buffy asks, sounding worried. Faith shakes her head.

"Nah, the girl ain't lookin' to get all chop happy or anything. She's not delusional; she's just kinda… a bit out there. Loopy, maybe? I dunno. She's sweet though. Kinda attached to me like Angela was and I dunno how well the separations gonna go but we'll see. Think it'll be worse than Ange. When I found Krista she called me her angel and, uh, well, I'm just gonna say that her attachment formed kinda quickly." Krista completely tried to make out with her, then asked her what Heaven's like. Faith thought she was on drugs but… apparently that's just how she is. Faith shrugs though, "She's a good fighter though, strong as hell."

Buffy nods, but looks wary. "And the third?" she asks.

"Mariah. I uh, kinda busted her vocal cords when I choked her out so she can't talk at all. Doc says she may not be able to again," Faith tells her, looking guilty.

"Great, Faith. Real nice," Buffy snaps.

"Hey, ya know what? I'd really like to see you do my job, Blondie. You don't fuckin' know what I go through to get these girls and frankly? Kinda doubt that you'd be able to handle it. I do what I have to do. I know you don't like it and most of the time I don't either, but not everyone can be saved," Faith shoots back at her, fire in her eyes.

"Yeah, and you'd know all about _that, _wouldn't you?"

"Buffy…" Satsu warns softly, putting her hand on the small of the older woman's back again, trying to tell her to be calm.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Faith yells, standing up. Buffy completely ignores Satsu's protests and stands up too, feeling threatened by Faith rising to her feet first.

"Oookay and now I think it's that time of the meeting where we take a breather," Willow says, intervening. She steps between the two Slayers to block them from each other's view. Something like this always happened during the meeting and more often than not Buffy's the one who starts it, even though if you ever say anything like that to her she'll outright deny it and throw a fit.

Buffy glares at Faith but starts to stomp out of the room, Satsu in tow behind her. Faith flips her off as the blonde storms off but she calls back without even turning around, "I saw that!"

"Do ya got eyes in the back of your head now?" Faith snaps, though is surprised. That'd be fuckin' weird if she did.

"There's a mirror, you moron," Buffy tells her before leaving the room. Faith looks around and yup, there's a mirror. Well, that didn't help any.

"Faith," Giles says, disapprovingly. "I thought you were going to work on this."

Faith points accusingly out the door where Buffy left. "She fuckin' started it! I ain't gonna sit here and take her crap, G. I do my fucking job." She just seethes for a minute before announcing, "Fuck this, I'm gonna have a smoke," before storming out as well.

Outside, Buffy was ranting pretty much along the same lines as Faith. "—She always starts shit like this! She always comes in here and throws it in my face that she's still dangerous! I mean I'm supposed to be trying to trust her to be part of the team and not stab me in the back again and how can I when she's off busting girls' vocal cords?!"

"Buffy," Satsu tries, but Buffy's not listening.

"And what is it with you and her anyway?" Buffy exclaims, making Satsu's eyes go wide at the implication. "She's all winking at you and calling you a name that indicates lesbian _porn!_ Did you have sex with her?!"

"Whoa, whoa, Buffy, slow down," Satsu says, holding up her hands in defense at Buffy's rash judgment. "Faith and I have had a total of one conversation in our whole lives and it didn't end up like that."

"Well she's tried to have sex with everyone that's been mine so far so I just...! I just… oh god," Buffy says, covering her face with her hands. "I think I'm going _insane,"_ she mumbles. Satsu is bound to agree but won't say it out loud.

Satsu smiles though, despite Buffy's little breakdown. "I'm yours?" she asks softly. Buffy takes her hands away from her face to look at her.

"Well… yeah," she says, blushing. "I mean for now we're doing the… the things we do and… okay, I know I jumped the gun with the you and Faith sex thing considering the last time she was here we weren't even doing our… _thing_ so I guess thinking she's taking things from me again was a little bit insane but she just… god she makes my brain _bleed,_ I swear!"

"Like ecstasy?" Satsu replies conversationally. Buffy shoots her a look.

_"No._ Like… like getting hit with a sledgehammer. By a Slayer. By an Angry Slayer with emotional problems and Daddy issues."

"Sounds pleasant."

"Well it's not." Buffy sighs, rubbing her temples a little to try to stop the forthcoming migraine. "Sorry I… jumped on you like that. It's not your fault."

"It's okay," Satsu tells her softly.

"No, it's not. It's really, really not. You shouldn't have to put up with me when I'm like this. No one should have to put up with me when I'm like this. I should just lock myself in the basement for the next week."

Satsu chuckles, "If you want to lock yourself anywhere, I'd rather it be in my bedroom."

Buffy smirks, but doesn't comment on that. She does take a breath though, trying to calm herself down. She hates how Faith can get under her skin like this. It's like everything she does invokes either anger or weird sexy feelings; it drives her completely insane. It's always been that way with Faith. All the mixed signals and crazy sexual tension that somehow all gets translated into extreme anger and violent tendencies.

It's really, really not healthy.

Buffy sighs, psyching herself up to go back in there. "Okay, I can do this. I can sit there and listen to her report and not want to punch her. I can do this."

"You can do this," Satsu affirms.

"I can do this. I can… okay I can _try_ to do this. No promises," Buffy states before turning and walking back into the castle. Faith was back, sitting on the couch with one leg crossed over the other. Her foot was twitching like mad. God, that was gonna drive Buffy insane.

Faith's eyes connect with Buffy's and she bites her tongue to keep from saying anything. She cocks her head to the side though and gives her this look that almost dares her to make the first move and she watches Buffy curl her hand into a fist as she tries to control herself. It makes Faith smirk.

"Finish," Buffy requests once she sits, though the word seemed to have trouble coming out of her mouth.

"Like I was _sayin'_," Faith starts in this tone that indicates it was rude to be interrupted in the first place. Giles clears his throat in disapproval and Faith tries like hell to stop being a bitch. "Mariah's vocal cords are busted. She was one of the hardest I've had. Almost fuckin'… well, she didn't. I got a handle on the sitch eventually. But she hates the fuck outta me, so me steering clear of her would be probably be better. G was the one that got through to her, not me. But she's killed before; Got a lotta blood on her hands, actually. But she's broken, scared. She's also got a real short temper so ya should probably stick her in one of those yoga seminars ya do or whatever. But accordin' to G she's willin' to try to get back on the straight and narrow."

Buffy nods, "Is that… everything?" She asks it carefully, trying not to start anything by any kind of tone in her voice. She knows that's all it can take sometimes and she's _trying _here so she better get some kind of credit after this.

Faith raises an eyebrow, testing the boundaries. "Ange wants to know if I'm gonna help train while I'm here."

Buffy blinks and everyone turns to her, wondering if she's going to blow up again. Buffy takes a breath. "That might not be… wise. Last time it didn't go so well."

"Kids love me though, right Yuri?" Faith says with a smirk at the Asian girl. Buffy rounds on her and looks at her like she expects her to tell her no. Satsu is _not _getting in the middle of this.

Thankfully, Willow saves her. "Buffy, while Faith is here it might be helpful if she… helped out."

"Will, I don't think—"

"Great, when's the workout?" Faith asks. She's been itchin' to do a little violence on, well, Buffy. Buffy narrows her eyes at her, trying to remain calm. She thinks of calm rivers and green grass pastures and… fuck. This isn't working.

"You're not coming," Buffy says flatly.

"Like hell I'm not, B. Girls' gotta have a little more perspective than just what you can teach them," Faith retorts.

"Here we go again," Xander mutters.

"Faith, I don't want your 'perspective' anywhere near my girls!" Buffy exclaims.

"Oh, _your_ girls now, is it? What, you winin' and dinin' 'em now?" Buffy flushes a little at that statement and Faith's eyes go wide. She was just shooting off her mouth; she didn't expect that kind of reaction. "Okay, what the_ hell_ did I miss?"

"Nothing," Willow says quickly, trying to avoid the disaster that's sure to follow if Faith ever finds out what's been going on with Buffy and Satsu. "Look, maybe you guys should train them separately. Like Buffy can get one group and you can get the other. We can make up schedules, color code them, tack them to the board and we can all follow them, okay?" she asks Faith.

"I missed something," Faith states flatly, not even looking at Willow. She knows something's going on by how embarrassed Buffy looks and how Willow's trying to steer away the conversation in not the most subtle of ways.

"Forget about my personal life, Faith. You're not training any of my girls and that's final!"

"That's _final?_ What are you, my mother?" Faith snaps. Like hell she's gonna take orders from her. She's a Slayer too; the damn bloodline runs through her! She's got as much right to train these girls as Buffy does. It should be her decision, not Little Ms. I-Think-I-Run-The-World.

"Someone has to be!"

"Buffy, calm down," Satsu tries, but once the Buffy & Faith train wreck from hell gets started, there really is no stopping it. It used to not be this bad, but now every time they see each other it tends to get worse.

"Oh, right cause that's fuckin'…" but Faith stops, taking a breath. She's not gonna do this anymore. This is stupid, pointless, and it's just giving her a headache. She puts her hands up in defense. "Ya know what? Fuck this. Ya ain't worth it," Faith tells her before backing up out of the room.

"I'm… _I'm _not worth it?!" Buffy shrieks, somehow that one sentence offending her more than anything ever has. She starts going after Faith. "Excuse me? You wanna run that by me again?"

"Buffy!" Both Satsu and Willow call after her, but Buffy isn't listening. She takes off after Faith, furious, until she's corners her outside. Willow and Satsu don't follow thankfully, maybe realizing they need to work this out on their own. But seriously… _she's not worth it?!_ What the hell kind of load of crap is that?!

"B, will you just quit?!" Faith yells at her after being practically backed into a corner. "I ain't tryin' to fight with you, Jesus! Give me some fuckin' space!"

"Don't try to turn this around; you're always trying to fight with me! It's like what you were born to do! And how can you have the audacity to stand there and tell me 'I'm not worth it'?!" Buffy shrieks.

"Why are you doing this, B? Huh? Do ya get some sort of sick pleasure out of screamin' at me, is that it? Am I gettin' your rocks off, Princess?" Faith snaps.

"Like you're one to talk!"

"You think I get off on this?!"

"I know you do!"

"Yeah Buffy, really, I fuckin' lay in bed every night and screw myself thinkin' about your fuckin' nagging, screaming, annoying ass voice in my ear," Faith shoots back sarcastically. "Get a fuckin' reality check, girlfriend."

"Oh I got a reality check_, F._ Or have you forgotten when happened the last time I saw you?"

That makes Faith stop, the memory of the Slayer dream coming back to her. She sneers. "Right, about that; I owe ya something." Faith grabs Buffy's shirt and pulls her towards her without any kind of time to let Buffy react, crashing their lips together in a heated kiss that leaves Buffy's head spinning for a second. Okay, well, she wasn't expecting that. Faith pushes her back and snaps, "There. Ya got what ya asked for; happy?"

"Oh, _very_," Buffy sneers, though her brain is still having some sort of meltdown or a parade; it's hard to tell. Jesus. Faith kissed her. Granted, she did ask for it in the dream; she asked for Faith to make it real. She doesn't know why; Slayer dreams were always messed up. It's a place where all the bad never happened between them.

"Good, now you can fuck off," Faith snaps before storming off back into the castle, leaving Buffy there in shock. Shit. That was… _shit._

Unexpected. Screwed up. Sexy. Awkward.

Buffy's pretty sure she needs to sit down.

The blonde Slayer sits on the bench outside of the door, her head reeling. Faith was not supposed to just up and do that, even if Buffy asked for it! Especially not in the middle of a fight! What is wrong with her? Why does she always have to do everything _wrong?_ Her mind floats back to the dream they shared almost a month and a half ago, the only thing that ever did feel right between them:

_They were in bed this time; the two of them. Usually they're making it or doing some other mundane house chore together. They always played house in their dreams. But this time they lay on top of the covers, facing each other. There was no past between them, there never was in their dreams. Buffy smiled at her and Faith returned it and Buffy couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked when she let all her walls down._

_"Things are changing," Faith told her quietly._

_"Are they?" Buffy asked, their weird conversational tone they have going on in all their dreams becoming apparent again. "The wind is still blowing the same way."_

_Nothing ever really made sense in these anymore._

_Faith smiled, reaching her hand up to brush away a piece of blonde hair from Buffy's face. Buffy's eyes fluttered closed at the soft touch. "The gate is collapsing," Faith said. "The troops make way for the Queen."_

_Buffy opened her eyes and stared at her younger counterpart. "The Queen isn't ready for battle."_

_"You have to prepare her," Faith told her, her hand stroking Buffy's cheek softly. Somehow they got closer, though neither of them moved. The dream seemed to shift and all of a sudden Buffy could feel Faith's breath on her face. "Only you can prepare her."_

_"She'll fall," Buffy told her softly, regrettably. "A soldier will strike her down."_

_"But you will pick her up," Faith said with certainly. She smiles again, leaning in and pressing her lips to Buffy's. Buffy's breathing hitched; they've never done_ this_ in a Slayer dream before. She found Faith's hand on the bed and took it in hers and she parted her lips invitingly to the younger girl. The feeling of her tongue against hers was probably the single most erotic thing she had ever felt in her life, but it was over way too soon._

_"Make it real," Buffy whispered when they parted; the one thing that didn't come out shrouded in riddles. She needed the kiss to be real; for some reason that overshadowed everything else. One simple request that was more powerful than the hold of the dream and its point. Though maybe making it real was the point._

_Faith smirked. "The Queen doesn't take orders."_

_"Not even for the King?"_

The dream faded into nothing then, and it left Buffy more confused than she's ever been in her entire life as she lay awake in bed for the rest of the night.

Buffy sits on the bench, her head in her hands, still trying to figure it out. Faith was the Queen; she got that much. Obviously Faith got that much too (and apparently she does take orders, who would've thought?). But all this stuff about soldiers and Faith being struck down… god, she really hopes this isn't the beginning of another apocalypse. She really can't handle that right now, not on top of everything else.

Not that all of their Slayer dreams meant that an apocalypse was looming. They shared a dream when Faith was in prison once that Buffy thinks was supposed to help them work out their issues but she was babbling about cheese in it and when she woke up couldn't make heads or tails of it. No, they didn't always have to be about an apocalypse but they always had to be confusing. Why the Power's can't just send them some straight answers, she'll never know.

But she needs to prepare Faith for some kind of battle, apparently. Though it might help if she actually knew what _kind_ of battle. But of course, that's way too much to hope for.

* * *

"Faith?"

"Don't wanna talk," Faith snaps as she storms past Xander.

"Faith, slow down."

"I said I ain't talkin'!"

"Well then can you _listen?"_ Xander calls out after her. Faith stops, closing her eyes and sighing heavily before turning around to look at him. She knows she has no right to be an ass to him like this. The last few months he's the only one who's been cool with her; has given her a chance to be a friend again. She doesn't want to throw that back in his face.

"What's up?" she asks.

Xander walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder to steer her into one of the rooms and away from all the prying Slayer eyes that have started coming out of the woodwork to see the commotion. He closes the door behind them and Faith flops down on a chair.

She kissed Buffy. For real this time. _And then told her to fuck off._ Does she have some kind of mental deficiency?

"What's going on with you and Buffy?" he asks her.

"Nothin'," Faith avoids.

"Faith, every time you and her get together your arguments keep getting worse and worse and I, for one, am sick of repairing all the furniture you guys break. I know I'm Mr. Fix-It but I'm about to go on strike."

"We got a lotta energy," Faith shrugs, still continues to avoid.

"Yeah, you guys are like five years olds having a temper tantrum… with super strength," Xander says flatly. Faith shoots him a glare. "Hey, you know I'm right. You guys have gone way past the line of immature."

"What do ya want me to do? Hug and kiss and make up? We've tried that before. Me and B just don't mix."

"Well not to get all quasi-Watcher, mainly because I don't want to turn into Giles, but the girl's here look up to you guys. You really think them seeing you guys fight is going to help? Especially the unstable ones you bring to us," Xander points out. Faith sighs. He has a point. She kind of hates that.

"She just… bugs me," Faith says lamely. Xander raises an eyebrow at her and she rolls her eyes, kicking her feet up on the desk in front of her. "Okay, I'll try to play nice."

Xander smirks. "Good, because it'd be a shame to see you go before I got to challenge you to a… showdown." Faith perks up.

"Mario Kart? Oh you're _on."_

"Hey, don't look so sure of yourself: I've been practicing."

"Hope so, you're gonna need it," Faith says with a grin as she gets up, ready to kick some ass on Xander's Wii. Everytime she comes here they always end up wrapped up in video games at some point or another during her stay. And right now a video game seemed like the perfect way to take her mind off of Buffy and that entire fuckery.

She knows she's gonna have to deal with Buffy sooner or later, but to Faith, the word 'later' has always been more appealing than 'sooner' ever could be.

**TBC…**


	3. When Things Get Complicated…

**CHAPTER THREE  
****When Things Get Complicated…**

Faith completely whupped Xander's ass at Mario Kart. Again. Really, she doesn't know why he even bothers to try anymore.

Smirking in her victory, the brunette Slayer makes her way into the kitchen, figuring victory food is in order. It's been hours since she ate breakfast and her stomach was doing that weird gurgle noise that never signified anything good. The kitchen was deserted except for Satsu, who was sitting on the counter with a bag of chips in her hand, watching Buffy train outside. Faith raises an eyebrow.

"Sup, Yuri?"

Satsu almost jumped out of skin at the unexpected witness and turned around to see Faith smirking.

"Ya gotta work on those Slayer reflexes, kid."

Satsu looks embarrassed for a minute, but quickly recovers. "I guess I was zoning out. You're right though; I should have been more aware." Faith chuckles a little and shakes her head, going into the fridge.

"I ain't B, Junior. I'm not gonna be the one bustin' your balls for chillin' in the kitchen. Even the General's second in command deserves time to eat chips and ogle," Faith says as she grabs everything she can find to make the biggest sandwich in the history of the freakin' world.

"I wasn't ogling!" Satsu defends quickly. The nervous butterflies in her stomach are going haywire. She was told, specifically by Buffy, to not let Faith find out about their 'relationship', if you can even call it that. Which didn't seem like much of a stretch seeing as she thought _no one_ knew about their 'relationship', but apparently Willow and Xander both know and have been put under strict orders as well. Satsu wasn't sure why Faith finding out would be a big deal at first, but after the fighting they do? It'll probably be just another thing Faith will throw in her face when they go at it again and she doesn't want to cause Buffy any pain.

Satsu realizes though how quickly she defended that and how much like a lie it sounded so she revised by shrugging casually and popping a chip in her mouth. "Just appreciating," she tells her. "She has great form." Alright, that sounded a little better. Kind of.

Faith looks at her amused as she puts all her ingredients out on the counter. "Ya ain't the first to 'appreciate' B's form. Everytime I'm in this joint I always see at least ten girls trip over their tongue when she's around." She starts piling everything onto her sandwich and Satsu wonders how she's even going to fit that in her mouth.

"Did you… ever?" Satsu asks carefully. "Appreciate her, I mean."

Faith laughs, turning to look at her. "Ya got balls on ya, Yuri. I'll give ya that." Most of the girls in here scamper away scared when she comes around, having heard stories of "Big Bad Faith." Not Satsu though; Satsu was one of the few who even talked to her.

Satsu shrugs, popping another chip into her mouth. "Just curious," she tells her. Hey, if Faith was going to appreciate the pair she's got on her, she's not going to back down.

Faith smirks and puts the last piece of bread over her masterpiece, squishing it down with her hand to flatten it. "I ride stick." Mostly.

"That's not what I asked," Satsu says pointedly.

"_Brass _ones," Faith says, but looks like she maybe respects Satsu for her boldness. "Alright, fair enough." She shrugs, leaning against the counter. "Yeah, at one point I was all tangled up in the Buffy Summers spell. Think everyone goes though that at least once in their life. Swear the shits like an initiation into the world of fucked up apocalypses and demons." She smirks, "So welcome to the club, Junior."

"What changed?"

"She's a stick-lover, for one. For two, me and B ain't got the best history. Shit went down," Faith replies conversationally. She takes a big bite of her sandwich and Satsu drops the topic, not wanting to go too far with it. She nods though before looking back outside at her lover. In all honesty, she has no idea how she became Buffy's first, especially if Faith was chasing her at one point or another. The woman oozed sexual energy and confidence. She was—okay now she was checking out Faith. Satsu decides it's time to go, especially when Faith smirks when she catches her doing it.

"I'm just gonna…" Satsu says, sliding off the counter and pointing towards the door. Go. She was feeling kind of awkward. Faith just chuckles a little before taking another bite of her sandwich and Satsu practically bolts out the door.

Faith watches her go; amused. Poor kid. Crushing on Buffy doesn't ever go over well for anyone. Leering at Faith though? Well, she does drive stick usually but hey, it's been awhile. Satsu's kinda young though, so Faith doesn't entertain that stray thought for long. If she's gonna jump into bed with anyone just cause it's been awhile, it sure as hell ain't gonna be with some kid who looks barely older than sixteen. She does have_ some _sense of decency, no matter how slim.

The side door opens then and Buffy comes in, looking sweaty from her workout. She stops dead when she sees Faith in the kitchen though, munching happily on her sandwich. "What are you doing in here?" Buffy asks before she could stop herself.

Faith cocks an eyebrow and holds up her food like it's obvious. "Eating."

"I see that."

"Then what's with the stupid question?"

"It wasn't—!" Buffy starts, but then stops herself. She's not going to do this; she promised Willow she wouldn't do this. She takes a breath, trying to remind herself fighting with Faith over every single thing isn't going to get anyone anywhere good. She leans against the counter and instead holds out her hand. "Pass the chips."

Faith grabs the bag and tosses it to her. Buffy catches it easily and starts digging in, feeling starved.

"Y'know your second's got a crush on ya," Faith tells her casually before taking another bite of her sandwich.

Buffy chokes on a chip.

Faith's eye brows shoot up and she comes over and slaps Buffy on the back. Buffy coughs a couple times, holding her hand to her chest. "Jeez B, learn to chew," Faith tells her.

"I'm… fine," Buffy gasps out, coughing a little bit more to dislodge pieces of chip from her throat. "I'm sorry… she what?"

"She's gotta crush on ya," Faith reiterates. She raises her eyebrows at Buffy's shocked expression, though interprets it as Buffy not knowing about it. "Don't tell me ya didn't notice. It ain't like she's the first girl to have the hots for ya."

"How do you… how do you know that? That she… likes me?" Buffy asks.

"Wicked obvious, Twinkie." Buffy looks like she's about to pass out. "Relax, doubt she's gonna make a move on ya. Think she knows you're a cock lover."

"Faith!" Buffy exclaims, her expression horrified by Faith's vulgar term. "Don't… don't call me that. Jesus. Do you have any tact?"

"Have I ever?"

"No."

"Well then, there's your answer," Faith says with a smirk before she takes another bite of her sandwich. Buffy doesn't say anything; she just digs back into the chips, trying to move the conversation away from Satsu. Faith seems pretty dense on the subject – which she's thankful for – but she doesn't want to push her luck. She does, however, need to talk to Faith about something. She doubts it'll go over well and she's already mentally preparing herself for an argument.

"Faith… we need to talk."

Faith stops mid-chew. She's pretty damn sure she knows what this is about and she really doesn't wanna go there. "Don't think we _need _to do anythin'."

Buffy closes the chip bag and puts it back on the counter before looking at Faith. She starts playing with her hands nervously. "Faith… you kissed me."

"Ya asked me to."

"It was a dream," Buffy defends.

"Look B, let's not make a thing outta it. Ya asked: I delivered. End of story," Faith says flatly, feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. She takes the last bite of her sandwich before folding her arms across her chest; defensive.

"Okay… well fine. Outside of the kiss though… I mean, we have Slayer dreams for a reason," Buffy tells her.

"And that reason is?" Faith avoids.

"I don't know, to tell us something? Don't you think we should at least try to figure it out? Because all I'm getting from it is that you're going to be 'struck down'. Doesn't that in the least bit worry you?" Buffy asks.

Faith shrugs. "Not really. Apparently you're gonna fix everything… like always." Yeah, that came out a little bitter. She doesn't play the damsel in distress, especially not for Buffy frickin' Summers.

"Why do you always have to act like this?" Buffy asks, folding her arms across her chest. "I mean I know we fight all the time and you have an ego as big as the whole castle but do you really expect me to stand by and watch everything go to shit for you?"

"Why do ya always gotta assume that it's gonna go shit for _me?"_ Faith retorts.

"Faith, the damn dream said so!" Buffy exclaims, throwing up her hands. This woman is going to be the death of her. "Can you just please, for once, realize that I'm actually here to help you?!"

"When the hell have you ever helped me?!" Faith exclaims. "Was it when you stabbed in the gut and pushed me off a roof or when you told me that if I ever apologized to you, you would beat me to death?"

"Why do you always have to go there?!" Buffy screeches, slamming her hand down on the counter for effect. "Can't we just get past that?!"

"Why? You're not past what I did to you!"

"Of course I am!"

"You're a lying sack, Buffy! The whole reason you jumped down my throat at the meeting is because you still think I'm gonna spontaneously turn evil again!" Faith yells.

"I'M JUST SCARED!" Buffy screams, making Faith stop her train of thought and urge to yell. She just stares at the blonde, who looks like she can't believe she just told her that.

Buffy sighs and puts her hand over her eyes before dropping it back down to her side. "I'm just… scared, Faith. I hate your job. I _hate _it. I know you do so much more good and that I guess, somehow, it balances out but I'm furious with Giles for having you, of all people, be the one who has to kill Slayers that are past the point of no return. I'm_ furious_ he's making you into a murderer, okay?! And I'm_ terrified_ that you're going to relapse and after everything you've done to try to change I,t would just… it'd kill you! It'd kill _me!_ Okay?! I can't watch you go down that road again! I just can't!"

Faith just stares at her for a minute, not knowing what to really say after that outburst. She never really thought Buffy cared that much. Or, hell, at all. "I'm… fine, B," Faith says, a little unsure. She's never really experienced much emotion when it came to Buffy recently besides anger. She didn't know what this was but it made her feel weird. "S'The job," she tells her, trying to make light of it.

"I know," Buffy says, tiredly. "I know it is, but I just…" she sighs and leans over the counter, putting her head in her hands. "You remember how it felt last time?" she asks softly. Faith doesn't say anything for a long time and Buffy takes her head out of her hands to look at her.

"Yeah," Faith says quietly. "I remember."

"Well I'm freaking out because our connection is starting to hurt again, Faith," Buffy tells her honestly. "And last time that happened…"

"I'm not goin' evil, I swear," Faith tells her quickly, but honestly. She may have a tough time with the kills and have had temptation but she's not about to fuck up everything. "I dunno, maybe the connections just havin' a spaz."

Buffy looks at her almost sadly, "Faith… there's something wrong between us."

"Well it ain't my fault," Faith says flatly. She's not getting blamed for this crap again. She's doing her job, she's working on redemption… this ain't her fault.

"Okay, we are _so _not getting into the blame game because we'd be arguing for hours," Buffy tells her seriously. Faith doesn't say anything so Buffy presses, "Have you been… doing anything different lately?"

"No. Just been roundin' up girls and bringin' 'em here, same as always. Ain't been slayin' nothing to big or fucking anything important. What about you?"

Buffy's eyes shift to the left. "No; just been training the girls. There's no Big Bad or anything, just your regular annoyances."

"You just lied to me."

"What?" Buffy asks, looking up at the brunette.

"You're eyes just shifted; you're lying to me," Faith tells her flatly.

"What? No they didn't. I don't know, maybe I have shifty eyes!" Buffy defends.

"B, I ain't fuckin' stupid. What aren't you tellin' me? I've been getting' this feeling like you've been hiding something since I walked in the door."

"Nothing!" Buffy exclaims. God, she's a horrible liar. She winces at the sound of how unconvincing she is and fidgets under Faith's gaze. Alright. She can… slightly avoid this. She can just give her part of the story, right? Right.

"B," Faith says flatly. "Just fuckin' tell me."

"Okay fine," Buffy says, taking a breath. She wrings her hands together nervously, not knowing how Faith's going to react. "I think I might be… well, um…" Faith just cocks an eyebrow at her.

"What, are ya growin' a tail?"

"What? No!" Buffy exclaims, flustered. She wrings her hands together more, starting to pace. "No. I'm just… I think I might be… a little bit… less…_straight _than I originally thought." She freezes, waiting for Faith's reaction.

There's a long silence, too long.

"…You're serious?"

Buffy nods.

"Did ya fuck Red?"

"NO!" Buffy exclaims, horrified. "No! God, Faith. No! Willow's one of my best friends!"

"It was a valid question," Faith defends. Her brain's kind of at a stop though. Little Ms. Likes-To-Ride-The-Cock has been having girl on girl fantasies? That's… kinda fuckin' hot. Faith smirks; she has to.

"Please don't make fun of me," Buffy begs. She doesn't think she could handle that right now.

Faith holds up her hands, "Hey, ain't lookin' to beat ya down for it, Princess. I ain't completely straight and narrow either. But what I don't get is why that would fuck up our connection. I mean you peakin' your head outta the closet shouldn't make it feel like we're about to destroy each other again."

"Well I don't know," Buffy says, sighing. "I mean, it's the only thing that's really changed since I saw you last. Unless you were lying to me about what you've been doing."

"Nah, I ain't done shit. Certainly didn't have any major revelations like _that _either." There's silence for a little while, while Faith pieces the timeline together in her head. Wait a minute… "When exactly did this happen?"

Buffy flushes beat red and Faith has her answer. Her smirk just went to a full on grin.

"It was cause of that dream, ain't it? Ha! I should get some kinda medal or somethin' for that shit."

Buffy narrows her eyes, but her embarrassment is still full throttle. "Okay, you don't have to get _cocky _about it. God." Yeah, it was Faith that made her realize that she might like women. Or _a _woman. Okay now it's two women but whatever. That actually started a long time ago but the kiss confirmed it and then of course, because Buffy apparently likes to make her life complicated… she jumps into bed with Satsu. But Faith seriously doesn't need to know about that last part.

"Yeah, really do. This is like… _legendary,"_ Faith says with a smirk. She hops up on the counter, her ego swollen to the brim and a little smile of pride on her face. "Buffy Summers has the hots for me."

"I do not!" Buffy exclaims, her face becoming redder. She groans. "God, will you just _stop?_ Please?"

Faith chuckles, far too entertained by this to stop now, "You totally want in my pants, don't lie. Ain't nothin' to be ashamed about; lots of people want in 'em. Only the special ones actually get there though," Faith winks at her and Buffy feels like she's going to die where she stands. This was not how she needed this to go.

"I don't want in your— God, Faith! Why do you have to be this way? You know, it isn't my fault that you're tongue is like… _ungodly_ talented!"

Oh, that was so the wrong thing to say. Buffy needs a mouth filter; it might stop things like this from happening.

Faith leers at her, "If ya liked it in your mouth, bet ya can just imagine what it could do to other places of your body." A beat, then a smirk. "Though you probably already have."

"Okay, I so hate you," Buffy says, her face so hot right now she's sure it's about to make her brain explode and her head pop off. "You said you wouldn't make fun of me!"

"Ain't makin' fun of ya, Lover," Faith says as she slides off the counter, coming over to the blonde. Buffy feels like she's rooted to the spot, her brain dribbling out her ears from just being called 'lover'. Faith touches her hip and she jumps a mile, making the brunette chuckle as she presses Buffy back against her and whispers in her ear, "Just lettin' ya know there's more to life than fantasies." Her hot breath is tickling her skin and Buffy swears she just came in her pants. Oh fuck.

"I… I… I-I gotta go," Buffy stammers, untangling herself from Faith and making a dash towards the door. She can't handle this right now; not after everything. This was way too much for her to process.

Faith watches her go, smiling like an idiot. She felt happy, _really_ happy. And it was fuckin' weird because she got over her crush on Buffy a long time ago. Apparently not long enough though. And yeah, it's fucked – they fight all the time and whatever else and Faith's pretty damn sure it'd never actually work out between them other than just a good lay but hell, who is she to pass that up?

Buffy's still nervous as hell about it though so it'll probably take a lot of fuckin' work to get to that point but hey; Faith's up for the challenge. It'll be fun.

Faith struts out of the kitchen and through the side door. "I'm the shit," she says with pride and a big grin before she starts working out in the yard. Oh yeah, 'Operation Fuck Buffy Summers' has officially commenced.

* * *

Buffy ran all the way up the stairs, making a mad dash to her bedroom, too wrapped up in her little world of 'Oh my god Faith actually hit on me, what do I do?' to realize Willow was standing in the hallway, minding her own business. At least she was until Buffy ran smack into her, sending them both sprawling to the ground.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry, Will!" Buffy apologizes, feeling scattered. She gets up and holds out her hand to help her friend off of the ground.

"Where's the fire?" Willow asks, looking at Buffy's terrified face as the blonde helps her to her feet.

"What fire? There's no fire," Buffy says quickly. "I'm just… running. Because running is healthy and as a Slayer I should be in better shape, I think I should exercise more, don't you? Maybe we should all exercise more; we can make a day of it!"

"Buffy?" Willow says, amused. "Babbling."

"I… I… I'm just… running," Buffy finishes lamely. Willow gives her a small, comforting smile and takes her hand.

"Come on, let's go talk in my room," Willow tells her, guiding the perplexed Slayer into her bedroom. She closes the door behind them and Buffy collapses on her bed face down and groans. Willow smirks.

"Girl trouble?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Buffy mumbles into the covers.

"Well the Lesbian Love Doctor is in," Willow says with a smile, sitting down next to Buffy. "Is this about Satsu or did you get into it with Faith again?"

"Oh that was such a bad choice of words," Buffy mumbles. Willow's eyebrows rise.

"Okay, spill."

Buffy sighs, rolling over so she can look at Willow a little guiltily. "Okay, so you know when I told you about the dream me and Faith shared?" Willow nods. "I kind of… left out a key bit of it."

Willow looks at her expectantly.

Buffy takes a breath. "Okay so… in the dream…. Faith maybe sorta kissed me." Willow's eyebrows have gotten lost in her hairline. "And in the dream I maybe sorta asked her to make it real. And then… she maybe sorta kissed me earlier today; while we were screaming at each other, no less. God, she can't do anything right, can she? I mean as far as a first kiss went, that wasn't exactly one for the books."

There's silence for a minute. "Faith… kissed you?" Willow asks, like she couldn't really believe what's coming out of her mouth. She knew Faith flirted with Buffy sometimes, but she didn't actually think it would go that far. She didn't think either of them would ever have the guts to take it to that level because of their past. "And… you kissed her back?"

"It gets worse."

"…Of course it does." Nothing with the two of them was ever simple.

"I told her I might be into women," Buffy says, covering her face with her hands. "I mean, I didn't tell her about Satsu, I'm not suicidal, but she… she kind of realized that it all started when she kissed me in the dream and she's been… she's been…"

"Cocky?" Willow offers.

"Yeah. But worse," Buffy says. "She… hit on me."

"Like… subtly, or…?" Willow presses.

"Willow, she's _Faith._ She doesn't do anything subtly," Buffy tells her, then groans again. "God, what am I gonna do?"

"Buffy, you're with Satsu," Willow reminds her.

"No I'm not. I mean I am, just not really. We haven't made anything official and it's not like I don't like Satsu, I do. She's an amazing girl and she's _so _sweet and I'm probably mentally damaged for not just jumping into her arms and say 'Take me away!' but… but it's… it's _Faith,_ Will."

"And Faith is different how?" Willow asks, knowing the answer but also knowing Buffy needs to say it.

"Don't make me say it out loud," Buffy groans, taking a pillow and putting it over her head. Willow smirks and grabs the pillow, taking it away from her.

"I repeat: Faith is different how?"

Buffy lets out a long breath of air, staring at the ceiling. "Because she's Faith?" she answers meekly.

"Buffy."

"Okay, okay!" Buffy exclaims sitting up. "I might have had a crush on her when I was a teenager, _maybe_, and you know, if I did, I did the whole suppressing thing and all it did was make more drama and angst and now we're older and Faith's _hotter _and she always just waltzes back into my life all 'I'm five by five!' with her leather pants and her smoky eyes and pouty lips and she never, _never _realizes what her being around does to me! She's always sent weird mixed signals with the flirting then the fighting and she drives me absolutely_ insane_ and yet I think I should probably be committed because if I'm to be honest with myself, some weird part of me likes that we fight just because it gives us an excuse to be around each other!"

Willow just stares at her after that outburst and Buffy groans again. "God, I need therapy."

"Maybe," Willow says, but she smiles. She puts a hand on Buffy's arm, trying to comfort her. "Well… why don't you tell Faith how you feel?"

"Ha!" Buffy exclaims. "Right, let me go downstairs and tell the Queen of 'get some, get gone' that I fell for her a long time ago but was too stupid to realize it. But hey! Now I have so we should go live happily ever after and skip off into the freaking sunset."

"That was a lot of sarcasm."

"That's because that would be such a stupid thing to do and you know it," Buffy tells her. She puts her hands over her face, sighing. "And god, what am I going to do about Satsu?"

"You need to be honest with her, Buffy."

"No I don't. I mean, not if I'm going to avoid Faith at all costs, right?" Buffy asks, hopefully.

Willow raises an eyebrow. "You think you can do that? Do you _want_ to do that?"

"Well… yeah. I mean, I'd have to, right? Faith will just fuck me then kick me out of her bed in the morning and I… I can't handle that. And I shouldn't go ruining a good thing with Satsu just because Faith's screwing with my head. She'll be gone in a week anyway. There's no point messing up something that could potentially turn out good for something that I know is going to end in tears."

"Buffy… you and Satsu have been sleeping together for a month and you still haven't been able to call her your girlfriend. Do you really think that's going to change?" Willow asks her.

"No. I don't know. It has to, right?"

"That's not the way these things work, sweetie. And you know what you're doing isn't fair to Satsu. She's in love with you," Willow reminds her.

"I know… I _know_ that. Don't you think I know that? But I just… I think I need her right now. I know I need her right now," Buffy tells her, trying to not sound as guilty about that as she feels. Willow looks at her disapprovingly.

"Buffy…"

"I have to go anyway," Buffy says, standing up. "We have to do training in a half an hour – I need to get ready." Yeah, she's done with this conversation. She doesn't want Willow talking sense into her because she'll pretty much lose everything she has. No Satsu, no Faith. No win for Buffy.

"Buffy…" Willow tries, but Buffy's already halfway out the door.

"We'll talk later!" she promises, before closing the door behind her and leaving Willow in her room, worried about her friend.

**TBC…**


	4. Jump Through Hoops

_**A/N: I just want to let you guys know that updates this month will be a little less frequent, or at least until after the 22nd. I'm going to be a guest speaker at the "Leverage" convention this month (another fandom thing) and I *still* have yet to even prepare what I'm going to do and its in less than two weeks. So I need to get on that lol. Life stuff, sorry guys! I'll try my best though.**_

**CHAPTER FOUR  
****Jump Through Hoops**

"Satsu! Pull back; use the leverage to your advantage!" Buffy barks at the girl, who's sparring with another Slayer, Michelle, and looking like she's about to actually get her ass kicked. "No! Don't— ugh. Michelle, nice form. Satsu, look for her weaknesses! She—Jesus," Buffy finishes, exasperated as Satsu lands on her ass. She rubs her temples, trying to stop the forthcoming migraine.

"Michelle, that was great. You need to work on your defense but your offense is very nicely executed. Satsu…" she sighs, watching the younger girl pick herself up off the ground. "You keep getting distracted and it's going to cost you. This is unacceptable, you need to have your head in the game or you're going to get yourself killed in the field. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Satsu says, feeling dejected at being so harshly criticized in front of everyone. She knows this is how Buffy is though. She expects more from Satsu; pushes her to her limit. She wants to make her the best and with that comes harsh training. Just because she's sleeping with her she's not going to get any special treatment. If anything, it's made Buffy harder on her.

"Jeez B, little harsh on Yuri, ya think?" Faith says from her place in the stands, lounging back and watching Buffy train since she still has yet to get any kind of permission to join in or help.

"I'm training Slayers, Faith. This isn't cheerleading practice," Buffy snaps, a little too aggressively. She's felt Faith's eyes on her for the last hour and if she didn't know any better, Faith was using them to undress her. It's been a little distracting. A lot distracting, actually.

"Shame, ya'd look hot bouncin' up and down in a short skirt," Faith responds, smirking. Buffy flushes and narrows her eyes.

"Don't have you somewhere to be?"

"Nope."

"_Can_ you have somewhere to be?"

"Nah, I like it here. Waitin' patiently until you decide I can play with the big kids," Faith says, smirking as she leans back on her elbows. She cocks an eyebrow at Buffy in that irritating little way that makes Buffy wet and the blonde Slayer huffs.

"If I let you spar with me, _once_, just for demonstration… will you leave after?" Buffy asks, trying to compensate. Faith grins and gets up.

"Thought ya'd never ask."

Buffy sighs. "And no bantering," she tells her with a pointed finger. "I mean it."

"But that's half the fun," Faith says as she grins and stretches her arm in front of her chest, watching Buffy's eyes sweep down her form before she makes a look of distaste because she let herself go there. Faith smirks; this'll be fun.

"Things get… _heated _when we do that," Buffy tells her, clearly nervous. "And things get said that don't need to get said and I'd rather avoid that."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Faith says, dismissing her with a hand wave. Buffy narrows her eyes, knowing she's probably not going to listen.

"Alright," Buffy says, addressing her troops who have backed up into a group and were whispering among themselves excitedly to watch to the two original Slayers spar. "Watch our strengths and weaknesses; Faith focuses more on strength while I favor speed. Watch how we interact and try to pin point at which point I'll get the upper hand," she smirks and looks over at Faith, who rolls her eyes.

"Oh please. Kids, watch and learn how the Slayer who has the _bloodline_ kicks the old, washed up Slayer's ass, is what B here meant to say," Faith retorts with a wink towards Buffy who steps back in stance.

"Bring it, _F."_

"You know I always do, Princess."

Buffy moved first in a wave of concentration and perfected form. Faith blocked her first punch with ease, turning around to try to deliver an elbow to Buffy's face which she barely dodged. No blow connected for awhile, each Slayer seeming to be on equal footing. Their dance was one they did often, each falling into step with the other so fluidly it looked like it was more a practiced routine than spontaneous fighting. Faith gets in the first blow that connects and she lets out a triumphant, "HA!" as Buffy stumbles back, but is quickly subdued by Buffy delivering a leg sweep that had her flat on her back. Buffy laughs and Faith growls, springing back up to feet before they start circling each other again.

"See what happens when you get cocky?" Buffy taunts.

"Didn't think 'cock' was in your dictionary anymore, Slayer," Faith retorts with a smirk at how annoyed Buffy gets from that one sentence.

"Was it ever in yours?" she shoots back.

"You'd have to ask Xander."

"Rather not."

"Mad someone got there first?" Faith asks with a grin. Buffy tries to hit her but Faith dodges it easily.

"I don't want Xander."

"Not who I was talkin' about, Twinkie."

"You wish."

"No, apparently _you _wish," Faith says with a smirk. But bantering interrupts her concentration and Buffy gets a hit in, clocking her clean across the jaw.

"Just shut up and fight me!"

"With pleasure, baby."

The Slayers fall into their dance again, the fight seeming to last forever. Buffy does end up on top though when Faith becomes distracted after snagging her studded bracelet on Buffy's shirt, trying to deflect a punch; making the material slip down and expose the top of Buffy's breasts as she tries to pull away. Her staring costs her and she ends up flat on her back, Buffy straddling her waist and pinning her arms over her head. She smirks down at her.

"Now class, what did we learn?" she asks, though is looking at Faith who's annoyed she lost. Buffy's smirk of victory isn't helping matters.

"Don't wear jewelry?" Michelle asks with a smirk.

"Don't stare at your chest," Faith deadpans.

"Both valid points," Buffy says with an amused look, getting off of Faith and extending her hand to help the younger girl up. Faith takes it grudgingly and lets Buffy help her to her feet.

"Questions?" Buffy asks the group.

"Can we spar with Faith?" Satsu asks, sizing Faith up. She fights differently than Buffy, and while she knows she'll probably never be able to beat her, with Faith she might have more of a chance. It'd be good practice, anyway. Faith smirks.

"Step on up, Yuri," Faith says, holding her hands out in invitation.

"No," Buffy says, stepping between them. Faith and Satsu both look at her, annoyed and disappointed. "I'm sorry, but Faith is something none of you are ready for. Not only is she stronger than all of you, she likes to disarm people with ridiculous sexual comments that have nothing to do with _anything,"_ Buffy says, shooting a look at Faith.

"It had somethin' to do with somethin' all right."

"Oh shut up," Buffy says with an eye roll before she turns back to the group of girls. "No, all of you need more training before you attempt it. Maybe next time she's here. Trust me, she can make the best of us get… distracted," Buffy says with a little scowl.

"Appreciate the props, B."

"Yeah well, I might not agree with your tactics but they are effective," Buffy says begrudgingly. "Doesn't matter though, because I still kicked your ass." She smirks.

"Next time, baby."

"You keep saying that and yet… oh no wait, you _still _have yet to beat me," Buffy says with a taunting smile. Faith scowls.

"Ya know Blondie, one day I _will_ end up on top," Faith promises her, moving in a little bit closer to the blonde. Buffy stands completely still even though she knows she should have moved away from her and Faith leans down to whisper in her ear, igniting a shiver through the older girl, "It just may not be during a fight."

Buffy flushes and pushes her back. "I'm so going to kick your ass for fun later."

Faith laughs before picking up her bottle of water off the ground and starting to walk away. But she stops by Satsu, putting her hand on her arm and leaning in to whisper, "Me and you later, if ya still wanna go. I'm up for the work out." She flashes her a sexy grin that makes Satsu get a little hot and bothered and Faith smirks as she watches the girl's breathing become shallow. Man, she should flirt with the recruits more often, this is entertaining.

"Faith, don't hit on her!" Buffy snaps. Both Satsu and Faith look at her, surprised for different reasons.

"Little defensive there, B. Might wanna work on bein' a bit more subtle," Faith says with a chuckle before she runs her fingers up Satsu's arm, making the girl shiver before she walks away. Satsu's eyes catch Buffy's and she's _furious._ Oh shit.

"Class over," Buffy says flatly. All the girls go to scatter, Satsu included, but Buffy says, "Not you, Satsu."

Shit.

Once all the girls have gone, Buffy's staring at her, arms crossed across her chest. "Don't play with fire, Satsu. You'll get burned."

"Buffy, you should know that I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you," the younger girl tells her seriously, not understanding Buffy's jealousy. Didn't Faith flirt with everyone? She's heard the stories. Besides… "Faith was flirting with you too."

Buffy brushes that off. "She's always done that. She just likes to screw with my head; ignore it. I try to." Buffy pauses, taking a little breath before she continues. "I'm serious though. Please don't… let her get to you."

"She's beautiful, Buffy, but she isn't anything compared to you," Satsu tells her honestly. Buffy smiles a little, feeling somewhat better. She doesn't exactly know what she's jealous of; Faith flirting with Satsu or Satsu noticeably reacting to it. Maybe both. Which is probably not good in any way because then she's thinking of them both as her property and that's just… one mess she seriously needs to avoid.

"Does she know about us?" Satsu asks her.

Buffy's eyes widen. "No! God no."

"Well she was making comments on your sexuality," Satsu pointed out. Buffy sighs.

"I… I told her that I wasn't… completely straight anymore. But she doesn't know about us, and I really need it to stay that way," Buffy tells her seriously.

"Why?" Satsu would appreciate a real reason instead of theories for once.

"Did you not see how she was acting when we were sparring? Think of that, only about a hundred times worse. She'll be making little comments everywhere, making everyone uncomfortable, and she's got a big mouth and I can't have all the other girls knowing our business. They'll start saying I'm playing favorites by you having be my second in command and it's just… it's too complicated. Okay?"

Satsu nods; she understands that.

Buffy looks at her though, curiously. Satsu just casually commented that Faith was flirting with her. Doesn't that make her… jealous? "You're fine with… Faith being so overtly sexual towards me?" she asks, a little in disbelief. Satsu shrugs.

"I don't view her as a threat."

"Why not?" Buffy asks, then says quickly, "Not that I'm saying you should, because you shouldn't! I'm just… wondering."

"She said things changed between you guys a long time ago."

"Understatement, but I still don't understand what that has to do with anything," Buffy says.

"She used to have a crush on you; I guess when you guys were young. But she's over it."

Buffy blinks, not knowing how to feel about that. Well, she knows how she _does_ feel; let down. But she knows that's not how she should feel. "She used to have a crush on me? Like… a real one? Faith doesn't do crushes." Faith's screwed and screwed, but they've never meant anything to her.

Satsu shrugged, unfazed. "Apparently she did. It's what she said."

"Wait… Faith _shared _this information with you? Getting anything out of Faith for me is like pulling teeth! How is that fair?" Buffy asks, stomping a bit. That really does bug her; Faith barely even knows Satsu and she's all sharing her past feelings? What the heck?

Satsu smirks, obviously realizing this is something to be proud of. "She appreciated my directness. She said I have balls."

"That you do," Buffy agrees. "Still… still not seeing the fair in the situation." She sighs, but rolls her eyes, willing to forget about it. She shouldn't want to talk to Faith about feelings… that probably wouldn't lead anywhere good. "It doesn't matter," she says finally, even though it does. Satsu can see it.

"You wish she'd open up to you more?"

"I don't know," Buffy tells her honestly, flopping down to sit in the grass. She looks up at Satsu; her jet black hair sparkling in the sunlight as she looks down at her. The sight actually takes her breath away; she looks almost like an angel. "God, you're beautiful," Buffy says softly. A small smile creeps across Satsu's face before she kneels next to the older Slayer. She tucks a piece of blonde hair behind Buffy's ear and tells her:

"So are you."

Buffy smiles, taking Satsu's hand in hers before she lies back on the grass, taking the younger Slayer with her. Satstu lies next to her and looks up at the clouds, enjoying Buffy's company. She's talked to her more over the last two days then she had in an entire week. And maybe that's just because she needed someone to talk about her Faith frustrations with, but Satsu will gladly take that. Buffy seems to want to spend more time with her, and she's not going to care about the reason.

She's not naïve; she's just accepting of a lot of situations. She knows Faith gets under Buffy's skin, in more ways than one, even if Buffy doesn't realize it. But Satsu meant what she said; she didn't view Faith as a threat. Even if Faith suddenly wanted to pursue Buffy, she didn't think the older Slayer would be able to take it that far with the rogue Slayer because of their past together. Buffy was really hung up on it.

"You ever wish things were different?" Buffy asks, looking up at the sky, watching the clouds pass over head.

"What do you mean?"

Buffy takes a breath, lacing her and Satsu's fingers together. "Like all the demons and the bad in the world didn't exist? That the world really is just a happy place." Satsu smiles a little, turning her head to look at Buffy. She sounded so much like a kid then.

"No, I don't," she tells her softly.

"Why?" Buffy asks, turning her head to look at her. Satsu smiles.

"Because then I would have never met you."

Buffy smiles, liking the way that sentence made her feel. "You're so sweet. Why are you so sweet?" she asks, though the silent question in her head is, _'Why can't I just be happy with what I have?'_

"You inspire it."

Buffy groans. Why does she have to be so perfect? "God, I wish things were different," she says covering her face with her free hand and feeling like an idiot.

"Because you can't love me," Satsu says quietly. She knows. It hurts; but she knows. Buffy takes her hand off her eyes and turns to look at her again, a little sadly.

"I don't know if it's a 'can't', Satsu. It's not that simple. You're so… God, you are so everything I've ever wanted. I mean, you coming in the package of a girl was kind of a shock, but I'm dealing. And it should be so easy and yet it's… it's not. I think I try to sabotage myself," Buffy tells her with a little sigh.

"You're waiting for something."

"Yeah, like a big explosion in my face that'll tell me to stop being so stupid."

Satsu smirks a little, rolling over on her side to face the older woman, propping her head up on her hand and looking down at her. "You told me when we first started this that you were going to hurt me, and I know you will." That makes pain flash across Buffy's face, but Satsu continues. "I know I'm not the one for you, and maybe you're not the one for me. But you're my first love and I'll always remember that. And yeah, things will end. Everything always does. But for right now I'm just enjoying having you to myself for a little bit."

Buffy groans again. Perfect. She's freaking _perfect!_ What is wrong with her? Why can't she just be happy right here, right now?

"Why do you always have to be so understanding? Can't you be normal and tell me I'm a bitch or something?"

Satsu smirks. "Bitch."

"Not that convincing."

"Fucking bitch."

Buffy giggles a little. "We'll work on it."

Satsu smiles at her before laying back down, looking up the sky again. "I love you, Buffy," she whispers.

"I know you do, Satsu."

* * *

"Ya look hot when you're all sweaty."

Buffy jumps a freaking mile and a half at the sound of Faith's voice cutting through the silence of the basement where she was working out alone. With Faith's overt sexual comments during sparring and Satsu being so sweet that she wanted to jump her right there in the grass, she had a lot of energy she needed to burn. She would have just taken Satsu up to her room and had her way with her but the other Slayers must have gotten into the sugar because they've been spazzing all around the house and Buffy didn't want to run the risk of being heard.

And now Faith was here, being all… _Faith-like_ and so isn't helping matters.

"And you say it's me that wants in your pants?" Buffy responds, though knew she shouldn't have even said anything in the first place. She takes a breath and starts hitting the punching bag again. Left, right, left, right, sex, left, right, Satsu naked, left, right, Faith naked—fuck.

"Ya look a little flushed. What're ya thinkin' about?" Faith asks with a smirk as she comes up to Buffy, sliding around the side of the punching bag to hold it in place for her. Buffy doesn't look at her; she just keeps hitting it, only this time harder.

"Hitting you," Buffy says flatly. Faith chuckles.

"Knew ya were thinkin' about hittin' it."

"I said hitting _you _not hitting _it," _Buffy responds, still refusing to actually make eye contact with the rogue Slayer.

"There's a difference?"

"Huge one."

Faith smirks and slides around to the front of the punching bag, facing Buffy. Buffy stops herself before one of her hits connects and she sighs in annoyance. "Well? Hit me," Faith dares her.

"What do you want?" Buffy asks, sweeping her hair back from her face and looking irritated.

"You."

That makes Buffy's brain grind to a halt. God, why does Faith have to be so… _blunt?_ She doesn't make anything easier by doing that. Can't she just avoid and flirt subtly? That way Buffy can ignore it. She can't ignore_ this_ though. Fuck.

"I…" Yeah, making a full coherent thought isn't working out.

"Ya want me to spell it out for ya?"

Buffy narrows her eyes. "Don't be a prick."

"Not bein' a prick, just waitin' for ya to respond," Faith says, so cool and cocky on the outside but Buffy can see the flicker of doubt in her eyes. It's that flicker of doubt that reminds Buffy that Faith's a real person with real feelings and _god_ that makes it so much harder.

And oddly enough, her small insecurity makes her more attractive. Oh, this isn't good.

"I… I don't know what to say to that," Buffy says honestly, quietly. She feels a slight blush creep up her cheeks and she purses her lips in nervousness.

Faith doesn't say anything at first, instead she just takes a step forward, all that's left to close the distance between them. Buffy's heart is pounding in her chest as she looks up at her, feeling vulnerable. Faith has always gotten to her. She's what makes her feel weak and out of control. But there's a part of her that loves that feeling because it's almost like being free. Buffy takes a sharp inhale of breath when Faith touches her waist, pulling her a little closer to her. Buffy moves like a puppet on strings and her eyes flutter closed once Faith's lips make it to her ear.

"Well let me know if I can help ya figure it out," she drawls, her low, sexy voice right in her ear making Buffy melt into a puddle. She's in so much trouble here.

"Faith…" Buffy breathes, her heart going a million miles an hour. She knows she was supposed to avoid and keep her distance but that resolve is slowly cracking as Faith's fingers start wandering up the back of her shirt, dragging across her bare skin. "You're just going to—" _fuck me and leave me,_ but she doesn't get a chance to actually finish her sentence because Faith's lips are on hers all of a sudden and she can't think of anything else.

She knew Faith wasn't going to wait for a verbal go ahead; the way Buffy was reacting to her touch was obviously answer enough.

Buffy's body reacts instinctively to Faith's lips on hers and her arms wrap around Faith's neck, tangling her fingers in her long, dark hair as her mouth opens in invitation. Faith doesn't kiss soft and slow, she goes at Buffy just like she does everything else; hard, fast, and with no hesitation. Faith groans into her mouth as Buffy's tongue slides against hers and she wraps her arms around Buffy's waist, pulling her body flush against hers.

Buffy can't breathe. She can't _think._

The blonde is panting against her lips, the feel and taste of Faith surrounding her and screwing with her sense of reality. "Fuck," Buffy breathes out as Faith lowers her head to her neck, sucking on her pulse point and making Buffy's head spin. "Jesus…"

Faith's hands start to wander up though; her fingers grabbing hold of Buffy's tank top, ready to peel it from her body. That makes Buffy come to her senses. "Faith…" she gasps out, "Wait, Faith…" she breathes, but Faith doesn't seem to hear her so Buffy has to put her hands on Faith's and push them off of her. Faith steps back, breathing heavily.

"What?"

"We… we can't… do this," Buffy manages to get out finally.

"Why not?" Faith asks, because she really doesn't understand the reason. Buffy wants Faith; Faith wants Buffy, usually somewhere along that line that should equal them getting naked and sweaty together.

"This is too fast," Buffy tells her, still a bit breathlessly.

"It's been fuckin' almost seven years, B."

"I know… I know that. I just… I'm not ready for… _you._ This. Everything. I mean, you're just going to have sex with me and then what?"

"More sex?" Faith offers.

Buffy rolls her eyes, offended, and pushes Faith off of her. "You know I don't do that." Except that she was doing that right now with Satsu. Why did she expect something different from Faith?

"You did it with Spike."

"Look, Faith. I'm sorry but I can't just… let down all my walls and inhibitions and jump into bed with you just because you happen to turn me on. We have past; lots and lots of bad past and this is just too much for me. I'm not just going to be your sex toy."

"Is that what you think this is?" Faith asks, her turn to be offended. Yeah, she might know a relationship would never work with Buffy; that it would just be about sex, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't give a shit about her.

"I know that's what this is! You want to 'get some' from me and then 'get gone'."

"Fuck you, Buffy. Ya always wanna make me out to be the bad guy, huh?" Faith asks angrily. She shakes her head, fed up with trying to prove to the girl in front of her that she's changed. "Whatever," she mumbles before turning away from her to leave. She gets halfway to the door before Buffy stops her.

"If you want me, prove it."

Faith turns to look at her, raising an eyebrow. "How?"

"Prove that you care about me more than just sex," Buffy tells her, knowing full well that Faith isn't the type of person to do that so she figures it's the safest bet. It also gives her a reason to stop things, or stop Faith from trying to do things. She has to jump over the hurdle and Faith Lehane doesn't do that for anyone.

It's safe. Hopefully.

"Again I ask how."

"I'm not going to give you all the answers, Faith. If I did then it'd be pointless," Buffy tells her.

"B, ya know I ain't no good with this touchy feely bullshit."

"Then obviously you don't want me as bad as you think you do."

Faith cocks an eyebrow, "And obviously you're pretty confident in what you think I feel for you. Thought you just said it was all about sex, so why ask me to do something that has nothin' to do with that?"

"I'm not confident in what I think you feel; I'm just sure you don't care enough to try," Buffy tells her honestly.

"Is that a fact?" Faith asks, obviously getting angrier. "You're a piece of work, B, I'll give ya that. Deaf, dumb, _and _blind. Have fun in the dark, girlfriend."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asks, but Faith has already started climbing the stairs, needing to get away from Buffy. How can she think Faith doesn't give a shit? More than that, how the fuck can she just assume that Faith wouldn't try? The girl really is freakin' blind; she never sees shit. Not that Faith's sure she should try for her though, regardless. Bein' all touchy, feely, and romantic ain't her deal and she ain't lookin' to change the name of the game but_ fuck_ maybe it is kind of pathetic that she feels like she has no choice but to jump through hoops for her.

Because she's Buffy Summers. She's Buffy frickin' Summers and she's been the center of Faith's world for better or for worse.

And maybe she'd like to make the better outweigh the good for once.

**TBC…**


	5. Touch & Burn

_**A/N: Please note that all of my knowledge of Japanese comes from ze internetz. Did you know that there are entire websites dedicated to how to talk dirty in Japanese? Haha, I'm serious. Very useful :p**_

**CHAPTER FIVE  
****Touch & Burn**

Buffy didn't see Faith for the rest of the day, but she was more than okay with that. Faith is... Faith's making her freaking life confusing; again. How can she just suddenly, out of nowhere, just expect Buffy to drop everything and sleep with her just because she realized she's into women? _(Because that's all you want to do, Buffy. You know it, Faith knows it. You're just playing hard to get.)_ Wow, shut up brain.

Faith is like a personification of all things sexy and dangerous. Buffy has wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her ever since she met her. And now she can have her; Faith's doesn't have any more inhibitions about what Buffy wants, but the thing is that Faith… it took her forever to realize it, but Faith is _all _she's ever wanted.

So she shouldn't have her.

Yeah, her logic is screwed up. But Faith is one of those things that you can't just have once. She's addicting. Buffy's been addicted to just her _presence _for years now (cause hell, she liked fighting with her just to keep her around – which is weird in and of itself and obviously means there's something more going on here.) But what does Buffy really want? To have _Faith_ as her girlfriend? The concept is laughable. Faith doesn't do relationships.

Which is why she can't start anything with her; she'll touch her once and she'll be completely consumed by her and she'll get her heart broken. So no, she's not going to do that. Buffy's gone through enough pain in her life and she doesn't want any more. But that's all Faith is going to give her in the end: pain. There is no happy ending when Faith is involved.

They won't go out and have romantic dinners together. They won't hold hands and walk through the park. They won't cuddle on the couch and watch movies together and just enjoy each other's company. Faith isn't like that. Faith… Faith will fuck the hell out of her, say something along the lines of, "That was great, babe, but I gotta motor," and just up and leave, shattering Buffy's heart to pieces.

God, is she in love with Faith? Wait a second.

No, no she can't be. She might_ like _Faith a lot, but she can't be in love with her. That'd be… weird, screwed up, stupid.

She might have fallen for her a long time ago, but that didn't have anything to do with love. That was just… infatuation. Buffy's infatuated with her, that was it. Right? Damnit, why is she trying to convince herself in her head?

And then there's Satsu.

Satsu; someone real, good, perfect for her. Satsu wants her, is in love with her, would do anything _for _her and yet… maybe Buffy has some sort of complex where she won't allow herself to be happy. Why, _why_ the hell would she want to choose something that's going to give her pain over joy? What the hell is wrong with her?

Buffy knows it's wrong to settle, but that's what she feels like she's doing with Satsu. She's doing it because she doesn't want the pain that Faith will bring her; she's choosing the option that won't break her heart.

God, she is such a bitch; using Satsu like this. And yet, later that night…

"Hai!" Satsu cries, tangling her fingers in Buffy's hair as Buffy's lips wrap around the younger girl's clit. "Fukaku hamekonde chodai!"

Yeah, Buffy's pretty sure Satsu screaming stuff in Japanese is one of the sexiest things she's ever heard in her entire life.

Buffy moans against Satsu's sensitive flesh; sending the Asian Slayer into a haze of sexual satisfaction as she lifts up her leg, giving Buffy more room to work as she holds it up it against the wall. Her back is against the door, barely having time to come into her own room before Buffy pounced on her. But she's definitely not going to complain. She cries out again, feeling Buffy's tongue teasing her clit in all the best ways before it finds its way deep inside of her.

She screams in Japanese because she knows Buffy loves it. It gets the older Slayer wetter than anything else. "Kuso! Hamete chodai _kudasaimasu!"_

Buffy has no freaking idea what that means but _damn _does it sound hot. She drags her lips away from the Satsu's dripping center and over to kiss her thigh, biting softly as she plunges two fingers deep inside of her. Satsu cries out and swears again in Japanese, followed by a string of words that Buffy_ still_ doesn't know what they mean, but she's pretty sure they're words of encouragement by the way Satsu is reacting to what she's doing. She's breathless, her eyes shut tight in pleasure as she rocks her hips against Buffy's hand. She keeps mumbling, "Hai," which is about the only word that Buffy knows.

Yes. Yes is good and yes makes Buffy happy because she's doing something right.

"Buffy!" she screams, panting hard as one of her hands finds the wall and she slams her palm against it as Buffy feels her clench around her fingers hard, drawing her in deeper. "Harder! Motto, baby! Ikasete! Oh _god!"_

Buffy's tongue finds Satsu's clit again as her fingers thrust in and out of her dripping hole, needing to make her lover come for her (maybe partly to stop the guilt she's feeling because of Faith). Satsu clenches around her fingers again, moaning hard, deep, and loud as she slams her head back against the door. Buffy curls her fingers to hit her sweet spot and in no time Satsu's head is spinning.

"BUFFY! Iku… iku!" Satsu screams as her walls start pulsating and she slams her hand against the wall again, making it crack from the force as she comes all over Buffy's hand and partway down her arm. Her legs give out and she starts to fall but Buffy catches her, steadying her as she comes down from her high. "Arema…" she pants breathlessly. Buffy smirks, knowing that's a good thing.

It only takes Satsu a minute to recover before she's pushing Buffy down on the floor, straddling her waist while she kisses her with abandon. Buffy moans; tangling her fingers in her hair as she slides her hips under her, feeling Satsu's wetness streak across her stomach. God that felt sexy. Satsu's lips fall to her neck and she's sucking on her flesh softly and Buffy grabs a fist full of her hair and pulls enough just to get the point across that _God _she likes that.

"Satsu… oh god… say something dirty to me in Japanese," Buffy pants out. Satsu chuckles against her skin before bringing her lips up to her ear and whispering sexily:

"Anata no manko ga nurete imasu ka kureru?"

"Mmm God…" Buffy moans, feeling Satsu's lips descend down her neck again. "What did you just say to me?"

Satsu grins against her skin, sliding her lips down over her shoulder and descending to Buffy's breast. "I asked if your pussy is wet for me…"

"Hai," Buffy breathes out, making Satsu chuckle softly before wrapping her lips around Buffy's nipple, making the older Slayer arch her back and cry out into the stillness of the room. Satsu flicks her tongue against Buffy's hardened nub, sliding her hips down Buffy's body so she can settle between her legs instead of on top of her. Then her lips go lower, lower, so agonizingly slow that Buffy's pretty sure she's going to burst if Satsu doesn't touch her soon. "Please," Buffy begs.

"Patience, sekushii," Satsu breathes out over the blonde's skin, making every inch of her feel alive. She dips her tongue in Buffy's bellybutton, making the Slayer whimper beneath her and twist her hips, trying to get her center against Satsu to gain some friction. Satsu holds herself away from her though, content on teasing for a bit and Buffy groans in frustration. It only makes the younger girl laugh softly.

Her lips find the juncture where Buffy's thigh and hip meet and she sucks softly, making Buffy emit something that sounds a little like a squeal and a moan. "What do you want me to do to you?" Satsu asks, her breath tickling Buffy's clit before she licks her once and only once.

"Oh god," Buffy breathes. "That. More of that. More of that would be fantastic. Lots more." Satsu smirks and licks her clit again once, but then pulls away again.

"That?"

"Yes, that!" Buffy exclaims, every inch of her on fire from anticipation. She can't handle being teased anymore. "God! I need you to suck on my clit, fuck me with your tongue, anything, just stop teasing me!" Satsu's having a bit too much fun with her power though. She drags her tongue across the junction of her thigh and hip again before nipping at it softly.

"You didn't say the magic word."

"I'm so gonna kick your ass later," Buffy promises breathlessly. Satsu smirks.

"English is my second language and all, but somehow I don't think that was it."

"PLEASE!" Buffy screams, apparently deciding begging is worth it if it means Satsu's tongue will be on her. Fuck her sense of pride; she's half naked and halfway to an orgasm already. "Please Satsu, _please!"_

Satsu smirks at her, but doesn't hesitate in giving Buffy want she wants anymore. Her mouth wraps around the older slayer's clit and Buffy swears as she lifts her hips to her face and spreads her legs wider. "God, yes…" she breathes out, closing her eyes and lifting her hands above her head to hold onto the leg of Satsu's bed. She uses the weight to push herself up more into Satsu, gasping with each breath she takes as the teenager pleasures her.

Teenager. Sometimes that bother's Buffy, but she tries to keep it in perspective. Satsu is eighteen, so she's legal at least. Though, then again, there are times like this – where Satsu is doing amazing freaking things with her tongue – that Buffy finds that she probably wouldn't care if she was sixteen or seventeen.

Yeah. She might be a huge perv, but _oh god _the things Satsu can do with her tongue.

Buffy's pretty sure that if pussy eating was a competitive sport, Satsu would always come out the winner. She's _that_ good. Nobody has ever gotten Buffy off with just their mouth alone but Satsu? Satsu is the God of oral sex. Goddess. Whatever. "Oh fuck, yes baby!" Buffy cries, feeling her orgasm building rapidly. Her breathing is shallow and her back is all the way off the floor as she presses herself firmly against Satsu's mouth, needing to get off before she _dies._

Yeah, Buffy's kind of a dramatic orgasm person.

"Oh god, oh god, oh yes, oh fuck, right there…" Buffy encourages, her fingernails digging into the wood of the leg of the bed that she's forcefully grabbing onto to steady herself. She starts to feel the pressure building, quickly, rapidly, and she knows she's about to blow any second.

"_F—SATSU!"_ she screams, her voice echoing off the walls as the pressure releases, making her come so hard and so long that Buffy's not really sure by the end of it that she's even breathing anymore. Apparently she wasn't for awhile because now she's a little lightheaded and she's sucking in a huge lungful of air, gasping and panting as the world stops spinning around her.

Oh god. She almost said 'Faith.' Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit. Hopefully Satsu will just think she was trying to say 'fuck' but got interrupted.

But seriously, what the fuck? She was thinking about Satsu, she was! God, what is happening to her _life?_

Buffy's breathing starts to slow down to normal after awhile and Satsu crawls up her body to leave a lingering kiss on her lips. When they break, Buffy tells her breathlessly, "God, you are so good at that…"

Satsu smirks. "I know."

"And cocky about it too, apparently," Buffy says, but it's tinted with amusement and she leans up to kiss her lover once again. She lies her head back down on the floor afterwards and closes her eyes. "God. I don't think I could move even if I tried."

"Do you want me to pick you up and put you on the bed?" Satsu asks her gently as she strokes her face lovingly. She was asking her to stay the night; something Buffy still has yet to do.

And still doesn't know if she can.

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine in a minute," Buffy breathes out, not opening her eyes because she knows she'll see the disappointment in them. But she can't stay, it doesn't feel right. Not with… everything going on.

God. Her life has become _way_ more complicated ever since became a quasi-lesbian.

* * *

"Ow! Fucking shit!" Faith swears as she burns her finger on the pot that's on the stove. She shakes it a couple times, swears once more, before sticking it in her mouth to try and dull the pain. Fuck, why is she doing this? This is fucking stupid and pointless and she's gonna end up killing herself in the process.

Faith does _not _cook. And yet, what the fuck is she doing right now? Yeah. Retarded.

"What's going on in here?" Faith hears Buffy ask as she comes into the kitchen. She turns around to see Buffy stop dead; staring at Faith, the food, the kitchen, the mess. "What are you doing?" she asks like she can't believe her eyes. Faith can barely believe it herself.

"What's it look like I'm doin'? I'm cookin'," Faith tells her flatly.

Buffy knits her eyebrows together. "Uh, Faith? You… can't cook."

"Well then this is gonna turn out like shit, but at least I tried," Faith tells her, before turning away back to the pot. "Now sit down."

"…What?" Buffy blinks at her, still trying to process what's going on in front of her. This better not be what she thinks it is.

"Sit. Are ya deaf?"

No, but she's shocked, surprised, and some other words that start with the letter 'S'. "Faith… are you cooking for me?" she asks carefully.

"Tryin'," Faith says flatly, not looking at her. She wants to try to keep this as casual as she can even though the whole thing fuckin' screams 'pussy whipped' and she hasn't even gotten any yet.

"You… seriously?" Buffy asks, sliding into one of the barstools slowly, still kind of in shock. Faith's… trying. What the hell? What alternate dimension did she drop into?

"Seriously."

"Why?"

"Oh gee, I dunno B, wanna think about it for a second?" Faith snaps, embarrassed. She has the spoon she was using to stir in her hand though and as she waves it around in her little fit of annoyance because Buffy wants her to spell it out for her, some pasta flies off of it and hits the ceiling. She looks up. "Shit."

Buffy giggles. Faith trying to be domestic is... _adorable._

Yeah, she's in so much trouble. God, Faith… Faith is trying to… she's… wait. Does that mean she really does like her more than just a fuck or is she just going to really extreme lengths to get into her pants?

With Faith, she can't be sure.

With Faith, she also can't be sure that the food she's making is even edible either. For someone who loves to eat, her culinary skills are limited to making sandwiches and digging into bags of chips.

"I didn't think you would…" Buffy starts softly, trailing off as she watches Faith try to jump up to get the pasta that's sticking to the ceiling. She's failing miserably and she just gives up, sighing as she turns back to the stove. Some tall Slayer can get that later.

"Try?" Faith offers. "Yeah well, I'm full of fuckin' surprises apparently." She grabs the pot off the stove and heads to the sink, dumping it in the strainer. Buffy just stares at her.

Faith is getting more embarrassed by being _watched _as she makes a fool of herself. It's one thing to do this shit for someone, another to be watched as she screws it up. Fuck, she's no good at this. She should have just bought her some flowers or something, but she's really not that kind of person. Food goes hand in hand with sex and therefore seemed more her style.

She just kinda missed the whole part where she should probably be good at it.

This is all Xander's fault.

She went to him for advice on how to show someone you give a shit. She didn't tell him it was for Buffy, but somehow she thinks he knows and that kinda aggravates her, but whatever. He gave her the cooking suggestion, along with the poem suggestion if she gets herself in trouble somewhere along the line. He said women can never resist a poem and that it makes anger disappear like magic. She's filed that away for later use, but really _really_ hopes she never has to do that. For one, she wouldn't even know where to begin with writing shit like that and for two… she's not that fucking girly; no way, no how.

That's one of those things that if, by some fucking miracle she did decide to do, she would totally need to tap that shit first otherwise being that fuckin' whipped and not gettin' any would be pathetic.

God. She's already pathetic by doing this. Why does she _care?_ This is stupid.

"I guess you are," Buffy says softly as she watches Faith put the strained pasta back into the pot and then watches her put _that_ back on the stove before the brunette starts mixing ingredients into it. "Uh, Faith?"

"What?"

"I think you should take it off the heat while you do that…"

"Why? It'll get cold if I do that though, right?" Faith asks, stirring in the stuff. Buffy blinks, getting up. She was not going to have Faith burn her food, not when it was the sweetest thing the woman's ever done for her. She knows Faith will be pissed if she fucks it up.

"Faith, take it off the heat," Buffy tells her, coming over to her. She stands behind her in the small space and reaches around to take it off of the burner and reaching up to switch it off. "It'll burn. It… has already burned a little," Buffy says, looking at it. Well, for mac and cheese, it still looked semi edible. Faith swears and throws the spoon across the kitchen.

"Fucking piece of shit stove!"

"No, no, it's fine. It's good, I promise," Buffy says quickly. Faith's still stomping around the kitchen though in a fit so Buffy sighs a little, grabbing two bowls before dishing them out. She smiles though, just a little, completely freaking happy.

How is it that Faith making her food can make her _this _happy?

Yup. She's in trouble. But this doesn't change anything. She can't get into this thing with Faith. She'll just end up leaving her. It's just… what's going to happen. But she is going to enjoy this small semi-romantic moment for all it's worth though; even if she's sure Faith doesn't see it as romantic.

"C'mere Faith, stop stomping," Buffy says, amused at how cute Faith's temper tantrum is, though only because of how it came out. She holds out a bowl to her and Faith sighs and grabs it, flopping down on one of the bar stools. Buffy smirks and gets some utensils for them before sliding into the stool next to her.

Faith looks into the bowl dejectedly before picks up her fork and stabs a couple Scooby Doo shaped noodles with it before bringing it to her mouth… then spits it out. "Fuck, this is nasty!"

"What? No it's not," Buffy says, putting some in her mouth. She tries with everything she has to not look disgusted, but it really was pretty bad. Not only was it burnt but she put in way too much butter. But Buffy chews and swallows before lying, "It's good."

"B, ya don't have to bullshit. I'm eatin' it too; I know it's crap," Faith says angrily before she picks up her bowl and stomps over to the sink to throw the whole thing in there. Dishes clatter but thankfully don't break, though Buffy still winces at the sound.

"Faith…"

"Just fuckin' forget it. This is fuckin' stupid."

"No it's not," Buffy tells her sincerely. But Faith still looks pissed and dejected and Buffy does something she's sure she's going to regret. "C'mere," she says, holding out her hand to the younger woman. Faith looks at her hesitantly but takes her hand, allowing Buffy to pull her over and down to Buffy's lips as the older Slayer kisses her softly. "This was really sweet, Faith," she tells her softly. Faith smirks a little, happier that she at least got a kiss out of it. A kiss can lead to more. And more can lead to… sweaty naked fucking.

Faith wraps her arms around Buffy's torso as she slides behind her. She brushes the hair off of Buffy's neck and kisses her softly. "Yeah?" she asks in a whisper, the soft husky drawl sending a shiver through the blonde. "I did good then?" Fauth's lips blaze a hot trail over her sensitive flesh before she bites down and sucks on her neck lightly. Buffy closes her eyes, getting lost in the feeling… until Faith's hands slide up to her breasts.

"Whoa, slow down," Buffy says, getting a handle on the situation. She can't have Faith feeling her up and kissing her in the kitchen; someone could walk in. She doesn't even let Satsu do that. Buffy takes Faith's hands off of her who grumbles. "Let me eat."

"Ya know you're not really gonna eat that shit," Faith tells her.

"Yes I am," Buffy says firmly. She can't help the shy smile that peaks out when she says, "You made it for me."

She's completely doomed. She's falling harder; faster. She knows she's gonna end up smacking herself on the pavement soon but this… it makes her feel… happy, cared about. And having it come from Faith meant more than words could ever describe.

But she just had sex with Satsu last night. Something about that sits wrong with Buffy. Not the sex part; that was freaking _fantastic_, but the fact that she had amazing sex with her last night and is now making moon eyes at Faith.

Yeah. That's just wrong. Faith's going to be gone in six days and she won't see her for another couple of months. She shouldn't try to start something that's just going to be put on hold, even if Faith is being… god, so sweet, in her Faith-like little way.

She made her _food._ She burned it and put way too much butter in it but for some reason Buffy still finds it completely perfect.

"Whatever, but if your pukin' your guts up later I'm gonna say 'I told ya so'," Faith tells her before moving to sit back down on the stool next to her.

Buffy pauses. She does have a point. She looks down at the bowl in front of her. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. It was the thought that counted anyway. "Okay… maybe I won't eat it."

"Excellent choice," Faith says with a smirk before she's back up and behind Buffy again and her hands are… whoa! Wandering hands!

"Faith, Faith!" Buffy exclaims, pushing her hands off of her. "We're in the middle of the kitchen!"

"Your point?" Faith asks, getting an annoyed look on her face from Buffy holding her hands to prevent them from wandering.

"The things that I do that are… private," she says carefully, "should stay private. I don't like people knowing about my personal life."

"So what, ya want me to take you to my room?"

"Faith…" Buffy says, sighing a bit. "I really, really appreciate you doing this. Really, you have no idea how… happy," she blushes a little, "it makes me but I'm still not ready to just jump into bed with you."

Faith sighs heavily. "What the hell do I gotta do? This is ridiculous, B."

"Can you just give me some time?"

"I got less than a week here and I know what 'time' to you means. I'd be lucky if I got to second base the next time I come around."

Buffy narrows her eyes. Okay, romance is dead and gone. "So this really _is_ all about sex then?" She gets up quickly, slapping Faith's hands away. "Fine."

"Are you shittin' me? What the fuck do ya call this?!" Faith asks, motioning at the mess of the kitchen around her. "Do you really think I've ever done this crap for anyone else?"

"So what, I should feel special that you could fit it into your busy schedule to feed me before you fuck me?" Buffy snaps.

"Are you _stupid?"_ Faith yells.

"No, but you seem to be!" Buffy screams. She picks up the bowl of mac and cheese and throws it in the sink. This time things _do _break. "You can't ever do anything right, can you?!"

"I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Faith screams at her, her honesty even shocking herself. It shocks Buffy too and she stops her rant to stare at her. "Fuck, B! I'm no good at this shit, but I fuckin' tried! Okay? FUCK YOU!"

Then she's gone, storming out of the kitchen, leaving Buffy to stand there and just stare after her retreating form.

Oh god, maybe this_ was_ something more than sex to Faith. That thought alone kind of scares Buffy because it makes things a little bit too real.

**TBC…**


	6. Need a Moment?

**CHAPTER SIX  
****Need a Moment?**

Fuck this. This is stupid and obviously really fuckin' pointless.

She knows how she sounds to Buffy; she gets that with the way she's been acting, of course Buffy's gonna think it's all about sex. And while it is, it has to be, probably for both of their sanities, it doesn't change the fact that Faith… she…

Fuck.

Ya know, maybe some things are better left alone. Maybe she was better off not knowing about Buffy's newfound bisexuality cause all it's done is give her this false sense of hope and rehashed old feelings that she worked so hard to bury. It's all so fucked up because it took Faith years, _years _to finally get to a place where it didn't just hurt all the time.

It was so much more than just some silly teenage crush.

It sounds really fuckin' stupid, but Buffy's like… her sun. So beautiful, so warm, so inviting; she keeps her alive and shines light on Faith's darkness. But the problem was that Faith would always try to get to close and end up gettin' burned. Buffy was always like that; look but don't touch. It took a long time for Faith to get that, to understand it, but she finally did. She came to terms with it, with the fact that Buffy was something that she could admire only from afar.

But Faith finds herself here again, in this freakin' castle, thinkin' it's just gonna be another stroll in the park (or a walk through hell, depending) and then… shit just changes. Suddenly, without any god damn warning.

It made everything she worked her fuckin' ass off to bury to be able to stay _sane_ just burst right outta the ground like a newbie vamp.

Faith tried to take it in stride. She played the cool and confident role that everyone's used to even though it shocked the hell out of her that Buffy's changing sexuality had to do with _her._ She looked at it logically though; Buffy was feelin' a bit gay because of her, Faith's _always_ felt a bit gay because of Buffy; so in theory, they should just be gay with each other, if only for a night.

A + B = C

But it ain't simple math when the two of them are involved. What the hell is Buffy trying to do? The way she wants Faith to try sounds like… well, like something Faith knows it wouldn't be smart to get involved in, no matter how much she wants to. She knows she ain't no good at the relationship thing, though probably cause she's never had one. Besides, she's gone most of the time, so what kind of relationship would they really have seein' each other for one week outta every couple of months?

So, again she asks the damn question: what the hell is Buffy trying to do?

The whole thing seems kinda laughable anyway; that she wants Faith to show she cares like it's supposed to _matter_ to her. If it mattered to her then that would mean Buffy had more feelings for her than just the stray thought about what it would be like to be intimate with her and that's just fuckin'… funny, in that absurd kinda way.

She knows, logically; that she should probably just let the whole thing go and not bother anymore, just let Buffy get her bisexual rocks off with some other chick but… Faith wants to be her first. How fuckin' girly is that shit? Seriously.

But it means something to Faith. Even if she can't have all of Buffy she still wants that little piece; she wants something to call hers.

But 'Operation: Fuck Buffy Summers' isn't going as smoothly as she would have hoped. So now she's sitting in the living room, flipping through some magazine that she's more staring through than actually looking at, trying to figure out how to hell to actually go about this.

God, she hates that this means so much to her. But kissing Buffy was like… amazing. And yeah, that sounded girly as fuck too but it was. It was like, shit, more than she ever imagined it would be. It made her feel things; real things and not just an overwhelming lust that was threatening to consume her, even though that did play a big factor into it.

"You know you're holding the magazine upside down, right?"

Faith looks up at Xander who's standing in the threshold of the doorway, then back down at the magazine in her hands. Fuck. She throws the damn thing on the ground and mumbles, "Was just thinkin'."

"About?"

"Dinner," Faith avoids. Xander smirks and crosses the room, sitting next to her on the couch. Faith could hear the faint sounds of all the Slayers outside; training, talking, or just running around like kids high on pixie sticks. It's a nice day out, but she's glad she ain't outside with all that.

"Didn't know you considered Buffy 'dinner', should I be worried?" Xander asks with amusement. She narrows her eyes.

"Wasn't thinkin' about B."

"Sure you weren't." Xander pauses for a second before continuing. "Faith… I need to ask you something."

"Fire away," she says flatly, though isn't exactly welcoming about whatever's about to come next.

"What do you want from Buffy?"

Faith looks over at him, feeling defensive. "I don't want shit from her, Xand." She's annoyed with him trying to pry information outta her. She's not exactly a 'share your feelings' type of chick. Before it was fine, he was tryin' to help and he didn't exactly flat out state that he knew it was Buffy. Now he is and… okay, Faith likes avoidance; it's easier.

Xander looks at her skeptically. "Faith, I know you think you're all 'woman of mystery' but you're not exactly hard to figure out." Faith's about to retort but he holds up his hand. "Look, I'm not getting all overprotective friend on you or anything, but Buffy's… well, she's… kind of seeing someone right now." Faith's eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. "Not seriously or anything," Xander clears up. "But she still is, and that's why I want to make sure you're not just…" he trails off.

"About to fuck up her life?" Faith finishes for him, offended. That's not her fuckin' intention, damnit! Fuck, no matter what she does to try to show people she's changed it always comes back around to that, doesn't it? Faith scowls and cocks an eyebrow. "So who is 'Mr. Wonderful'? Haven't seen him around."

"It's not serious, like I said," Xander says, completely avoiding the topic that 'Mr. Wonderful' is really a 'Ms. Wonderful.' He looks at her. "But I'm… serious, Faith. I mean I know you like her but…"

"Truth? I know what I want from B, but what I want and what I can get are two separate damn things," Faith tells him flatly.

"And that means…?"

Faith sighs heavily, getting agitated. "Look! I'm not about to sit here and spill my guts, okay? I ain't like that. But if you want me to back off then by all means I probably fuckin' should since I ain't gettin' anywhere anyway."

"That's not what I want," Xander tells her honestly. He looks a bit embarrassed to say, "For what it's worth, I'm rooting for 'Team Faith'." Especially now that Faith basically just told him that Buffy does mean more to her than just sex. She didn't say it in so many words, but he's learned to read between the lines with her.

Faith looks at him skeptically. "Why?"

"Because I've never seen Buffy have so much passion about another person," he tells her, like it's such an easy answer for him.

Faith scoffs, "Yeah, and most of that 'passion' comes out in violence."

"But not all of it."

"Xand, it's pointless anyway. B wants me to… I dunno, be all girly and romantic, I think. I don't even know what the fuck she means or what she wants, honestly, and I don't fuckin' know how to do it. Besides, it ain't like I live here. We'll see each other, what, once every couple of months? It's just… fuckin' stupid."

"It's not stupid if you really care about her."

"Caring about someone doesn't fuckin' automatically mean that everything's gonna work out!" Faith exclaims loudly, annoyed and fed up with this entire thing. She doesn't need Xander giving her false hope right now. She stands up. "Forget it. I'm still beat from the travel; I'm gonna go take a nap."

"Faith…"

But she storms out of the room and up the stairs, just needing to get away from everything. It is stupid, it is pointless, and she really wishes she could give up as easily as she wants to. But she just can't.

And it's fucked up, but the fact that Buffy's dating some random dude… kind of makes her want to try harder. She might as well just tattoo 'home wrecker' on her forehead.

* * *

Buffy has been thinking about Faith for about three hours, twenty two minutes, and about forty five seconds now. She knows this because the damn digital clock on her bedside table has been taunting her about it for the better half of the last hour. She's been thinking way too much and way too hard about everything and all it's doing is giving her a slight headache.

But seriously… Faith… _likes_ her?

Well, okay, maybe she is reading too much into Faith's reaction. While screaming and getting defensive has always been number one on the 'how to know when Faith is having deep emotional feelings' list, it still throws her for a loop. Buffy's not stupid; she knows Faith will never say anything about her feelings for her, whatever the extent of them are. She won't spell it out because she can't; she never could. Faith is all sarcasm and innuendoes; she puts up a wall to protect herself. But when she gets angry… really, _really _pissed… that's when Buffy knows it means something to her. She can see it in her eyes, behind the fire.

And seeing as after she screamed at Buffy, she retreated up to her room and basically trashed the hell out of it (at least that's what it sounded like anyway), Buffy knew she was pissed and that she seriously touched a nerve. But Faith calmed down, eventually, and Buffy hasn't heard anything break for at least two and half hours now, which is hopefully a good sign.

…Or it could mean she's dead. Oh god! Why did she just think about this _now?_

Buffy gets off her bed quickly, her irrational fear of Faith somehow dying in the last two hours making her cross her bedroom and open the door to follow through to the hallway. In the back of her mind, she knows Faith isn't really dead and she's just giving herself an excuse to go check on her, but she keeps that part suppressed because it raises too many questions she doesn't want to deal with. She follows the hall down a couple of doors until she reaches Faith's room, pausing outside of it.

Okay, breathe. Remember to breathe, Buffy.

She tentatively raises her hand to the door, knocking quietly. She listens; nothing. _Oh god! She really could be dead! _Buffy grasps the handle and opens the door quickly, only to be greeted by the sight of an empty bedroom. "Faith?" she asks quietly as she steps inside, wondering if she's in the shower or something. "Faith?" she asks again, coming over to the bathroom door. She listens, but she can't hear anything. Shit, where is she?

"What the fuck are ya doin' in my room?"

Buffy jumps at the sound of Faith's voice behind her, turning around quickly to face her. "Faith! Hi! I, um, I was just… passing through," Buffy stutters.

"And ya just decided to invade my privacy for kicks?" Faith asks, leaning against the threshold of the doorway, blocking Buffy's only exit. She's not looking too happy and Buffy's getting more nervous with each passing moment.

"No! No, of course not. That's not what I was trying to do at all. I just… I was worried because…"

"Because…?" Faith drawls out once Buffy trailed off, looking at the blonde expectantly.

"I just… was. And… I need to, um, apologize," Buffy says the last word softly, looking at the ground. She knows she owes Faith that much.

"For what? Ya said what ya had to say already, Twinkie," Faith tells her, but still doesn't move out of the way of the door to let her pass, which obviously means she isn't exactly ready to kick her out yet.

"For…" Buffy starts, then looks up, letting her eyes meet the brunette's. "For thinking that you really didn't… care," she says carefully.

"I don't," Faith says flatly, getting defensive. She finally does move away from the door, walking right past Buffy to sit on her bed. The thing Buffy notices the most though is that she closed the door once she finally walked all the way inside, so again she takes that as her cue not to leave, even if Faith is getting defensive over everything.

"Faith, don't be like this," Buffy requests softly.

Faith doesn't answer her, but only because she's trying to figure out what the hell to do. Her natural defensives kicked in and that wasn't what she meant to do, but it's just automatic with her sometimes. She takes a breath and kicks her shoes off, the boots making a soft thud on the carpet and she lies on her stomach before reaching over to her bedside table to grab a Twix bar off it. _"Need a Moment?"_ Yes, yes she fuckin' does.

The Twix bar doesn't freeze everything around her as she bites into it like it does in the commercial though and Buffy's still standing there, expecting for her to say something. "Ain't bein' like nothin'," Faith mumbles around the candy bar in her mouth.

Yeah, _that _must have been attractive.

"Faith, I…" Buffy starts, then sighs a little. She sits down on the edge of Faith's bed, though far enough away to put enough distance between them. She doesn't know how to put what she's feeling into words though; it's all so confusing. She runs her fingers through her hair before starting in on her nervous ramble, "This is… it's really, really unexpected. And… I mean, you're all _you _and I'm all _me _and then there's _us _and most of the time me plus you never ends in the realm of anything good, but it's like… all that bad, all that nastiness, it's gotta come from somewhere, right? And… and I guess it could have been sexual tension or… I don't know, maybe something more, and I'm still freaking out a bit because here I am babbling about how I feel and you still haven't really said two words to me about yours. So I might be all, 'Hi, stupid Buffy, here!' but I can't turn off my mouth when I'm nervous, which I guess is kind of obvious right now since I just keep talking, but I don't know what you really want me to say, or what you expect, or what you even want and I just—"

"Ya wanna go out with me tonight?"

Buffy stops mid ramble, her mind completely shutting off. What did Faith just ask?

Faith's eyes are wide, not really knowing how the hell that just came out of her mouth. She didn't mean it to, she was just listening to Buffy babble on and it just sort of… popped out. Faith takes another bite of her Twix slowly as Buffy stares at her like her brain just broke. Faith doesn't say anything and the only sound that can be heard in the room is her chewing on her candy bar awkwardly.

"Did you…" Buffy starts, confused. She furrows her eyebrows in disbelief, "Did you just ask me on a… date?"

"Um…" Yes. But no. Not if she doesn't want to, obviously. Fuck, way to put herself in a weird ass position. Faith swallows her candy. "I dunno." Yeah, that went well for avoiding. Except not.

Faith doesn't _date._

"How can you not know?"

Because she's an idiot? Basically.

Faith sticks another Twix bar in her mouth to avoid answering the question and Buffy seems to get that so she snatches the candy out from between her teeth. "Hey!" Faith exclaims, crumbs falling out of her mouth.

Buffy's holding her candy hostage though; putting it on the other side of her so Faith can't reach it. "Faith, stop eating to avoid the question."

"I'm hungry!"

"Then maybe we should go out to dinner," Buffy says, then realizes what _she_ just suggested and turns a bit pink. "Or, I mean, we could order some food in or… something! All of us, I mean. We don't have to eat out or... oh my god," she groans as she realizes what she just implied and she puts her head in her hands. Just kill her now.

Faith chuckles at the implication though. "I dunno, B, 'eatin' out' sounds kinda fun."

"Just kill me," Buffy mumbles. Faith laughs harder and nudges her with her knee.

"Relax; don't have a stroke or nothin'."

"This is just too hard, Faith," Buffy says softly, taking her head out of her hands but still not looking at her. "It shouldn't be this hard."

"You're just embarrassed cause ya stuck your foot in your mouth," Faith says with a chuckle.

Buffy shoots her a look, "And you're not? You can't even ask me out on a date properly because you're all self conscious about it!"

That makes Faith stop laughing. She looks down and starts picking at the comforter on the bed before she shrugs. "I wasn't…" but she trails off, glancing over at Buffy who seems to get a little deflated at that. Faith sighs and mumbles, "K, maybe I _was_… but I dunno, I just… I ain't ever done that shit and it seems wicked stupid."

"Thanks Faith, that makes it seem really romantic," Buffy says flatly, hurt coloring her voice.

"Sorry I suck at this, okay?" Faith shoots back defensively. "Not like they fuckin' make handbooks for this sort of shit."

Buffy pauses, then smiles a little, amused. "Actually I think there is a 'Dating for Dummies' book published."

"Well I don't read," Faith says flatly.

"You read those comic books all the time…"

"And what about this other guy you're datin', huh?" Faith cuts in suddenly. Buffy's eyes go wide and Faith says, "Yeah, I know about him."

"I… uh…" Buffy starts, trying to wrap her head around that one. She wasn't dating a _guy_, but she's pretty sure Faith's referring to Satsu whether she realizes it or not. Oh, she's going to _kill _Willow or Xander for bringing that up to Faith. "That's… that's different. It's not serious. We just… went out a few times, that's all."

'Went out' meaning 'had sex' in her mind, but Faith doesn't need to know that.

"Plus, ya really wanna date me, B?" Faith says suddenly, just sliding over the whole other guy issue because that's not even what's really important here if she's not that serious about him. He could be dealt with later, if there even_ is_ a later. "I mean seriously. I'm gonna be outta here in less than a week. Long distance don't work out for my libido."

"Why do you always have to bring up sex?"

"Cause I'm a healthy red blooded female, Buffy. I like to get laid and if I end up gettin' a chick of my own one of the perks of that should be constant sex," Faith tells her honestly. "H&H ain't gonna work so well with you here and me everywhere _but _here most of the time."

Buffy knows she's right, but it doesn't stop her annoyance. Why can't they just explore this? Okay, so yeah, she did decide at one point that she should just avoid Faith and her whole attraction to her, which obviously isn't working out so well. That plan has pretty much blown up in her face, actually. But she… she's really attracted to Faith. She always has been. And yeah, it won't work out. Faith will go off and do her thing and Buffy will stay here but why does that mean they still can't… _try?_

"Fine," Buffy says flatly, her anger crossing over her face. "If _that's _all I am to you…" she stands up, preparing to leave as she turns everything around on Faith just so that she feels better about the situation; like always. She can't deal with rejection well, especially when she's the one who's wrong.

"B! Will you just fuckin' quit it with that? You're pissin' me off!" Faith exclaims, grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling the older girl back down to the bed… and practically on top of her.

"Faith!" Buffy protests, annoyed at being thrown around like a rag doll.

"No, I ain't lettin' you walk outta here makin' me out to be some sorta asshole, B!"

"Well you're the one who's always bringing up sex! I think I kind of like you, you _moron!_ And I'm about eighty percent sure you like me too, though I'm not really sure why cause of, well, _everything._ And oh, just an F-Y-I; using sex to seduce someone doesn't always work! Some women_ like_ to be taken out on dates, Faith! Maybe I'd _like_ to see another side of you instead of all this 'oh look at me! I'm Faith and I'm the sexiest person alive!' attitude you're always sporting! Okay?! I know you're going to be gone soon, and I know it's probably stupid to even try to see if we have anything or could have anything, but _excuse me _for wanting to try! Maybe I'd like if you just, for one god damn second, thought more about—!"

Buffy's rant is cut off by Faith pressing her lips to hers, making Buffy mumble out the last few words as her eyes popped open in surprise. Okay, well, on a scale from one to wow, this is… good. More than good; probably like excellent or just… okay, wow.

Faith kisses her softly, slowly, and it makes Buffy's heart race at the tenderness of it. Faith has her hand cupped behind her neck and Buffy's finds Faith's shirt to pull her closer to her as she opens her mouth, inviting the brunette in to sneak a taste. But it's over too quick and Faith pulls back telling her, "I'll take you on a freakin' date, alright? Damn. Just stop goin' postal on my ass."

How is it that one sentence that doesn't in any way sound romantic can make Buffy smile like this? Maybe because it's Faith, and that's Faith version of romantic and that makes Buffy… shit, it makes her grin like an idiot.

"Really?" she asks quietly, shy suddenly.

"I probably blow at it," Faith says, shrugging a bit self consciously as she moves away from her. "So don't expect something freakin' fantastic. Probably just go dancing or somethin'… all I'm good at."

"No, that's fine, it's just…" Buffy starts, but she's still grinning like an idiot and off in her little happy place_. "Really?"_ she asks again like she can't believe it, and yeah, she knows how girly she sounds right now.

"Said so, didn't I? Don't throw a parade over it," Faith mumbles.

Oh god, Faith's _embarrassed _and it makes Buffy fall for her just a little harder.

"No parade," Buffy promises lightly, though she sure as hell is going to do a little happy dance and squee obnoxiously to Willow once she leaves.

Oh god, Willow. Satsu! Shit, what is she doing? She's just making things so much more complicated.

But… it's _Faith. _And well, she'll be gone in less than a week, so she should be allowed to explore other (better) opinions, right? She should be allowed to find out if she and Faith ever could work together; she owes that to herself… and Faith. Besides, she and Satsu aren't exclusive, so she's not cheating on her or anything.

But she sure as hell knows better than to ever let anyone find out about it, regardless.

**TBC…**


	7. The First Date Is Always the Hardest

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
****The First Date Is Always the Hardest**

Faith's taking Buffy out dancing at nine o'clock. At the moment it's eight twenty seven and Buffy's in front of her full length mirror, trying to be happy with her outfit, but the Fashion Gods have other plans for her. Everything she puts on doesn't seem right; she's showing too much, she's not showing enough, that shirt makes her look flat-chested, that color makes her look too pale, she could have sworn her ass _used _to look fantastic in those pants, but now they just make her look fat, etc. etc. and so on and so forth. She wishes she had time to go shopping.

She knows she's being overly picky, but she's nervous and excited and all those other emotions that make her feel like butterflies have invaded her stomach. She takes off another shirt, throwing it across the room in a fit of annoyance. That one wasn't near sexy enough and Faith appreciates sexy. Faith is like a sexy meter maid or… something. Damnit, she needs clothes!

Buffy heads into her closet again, pulling out one thing after another; her floor is becoming more littered with clothes than her closet. She sighs and picks out a tight, low v-neck red shirt and throws it on, pulling on the bottom of it to situate it into place. She turns and looks in the mirror, prepared to find something wrong with it, but looks surprised as she tilts her head to the side to check herself out. This'll work.

Eight forty two. Oh god! She needs makeup! She rushes over to her vanity and starts applying, hoping she gets it right the first time otherwise she really doesn't have time to do it over. God, she's a nervous wreck, isn't she? When the hell has she ever been this nervous about going on a date before?

"Knock, knock. Buffy?" Willow asks as she opens the door to Buffy's room, but stops dead when she sees the sight before her. "Um… what's going on? Is there a clothes demon we all should know about?"

"What?" Buffy asks, startled, sitting up straighter as she turns to Willow, the tube of lipstick she was using still in her hand. "No, there's… I was cleaning," she finishes lamely.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you're not very good at it then," Willow deadpans. Then she takes in Buffy's appearance. "Are you expecting sexy demons then? You look like you're going on a date."

"No! No… sexy demons. I'm not patrolling tonight," Buffy says, trying to sound casual but a slight blush colors her cheeks that she wishes she could stop. She turns back to the mirror and finishes applying her makeup, but can see Willow's eyebrows rise in the mirror's reflection.

"Uh huh…" Willow starts, suspiciously. "So who's leading the team tonight?"

"Satsu."

"And where are_ you_ going?"

"…Out?"

"Yeah, I can see that. But with who?" Willow asks, the suspicion growing in her tone. Buffy chooses not to look at her as she puts the finishing touch to her makeup on.

"A friend?" Damn, why does everything have to come out of her mouth sounding guilty? Willow narrows her eyes.

"Faith." A statement, not a question.

Buffy turns to look at her, eyes pleading. "Look, I know what you're going to say, and I understand that I'm a bad person but Will she… she asked me on a date; a _real_ one."

Willow looks at her surprised, "A _real _date? Faith doesn't date."

Buffy smiles, the butterflies in her stomach heating up before they go haywire again. She blushes a little, "I know she doesn't so this is like…" oh no, she's starting to swoon, "it's kind of perfect."

"Oh, you got it _bad,"_ Willow says, trying to sound like she's scolding her but Buffy can see a little smile playing on her lips.

Buffy looks down and runs her fingers through her hair before she stands up, shrugging lightly. "I don't know… maybe. She's just… _Faith,_ Will. She's just… Faith," she finishes quietly. God, she's blushing too much.

"You need to tell Satsu."

"No! No I don't. Not yet, and especially not now. She's about to lead a team for patrol, I don't want her getting distracted."

"Buffy… you're leaving the woman you're currently sleeping with to do your work while you run off on a date with a woman you _want _to be sleeping with."

"Okay, you could have phrased that better; made me sound less like a bitch," Buffy says, that twinge of guilt back.

Willow just sighs a little, "I can't tell you how to live your life, Buffy. But I hope you do talk to Satsu after all of this."

"I will! I totally will, Will," Buffy smiles at her little pun and it makes Willow smirk.

"Okay…" Willow concedes, and then smiles at Buffy, who's still looking a bit nervous and a lot excited. "Have fun on your date then."

Buffy grins, running over to give Willow a big bear hug. "Thanks!"

"Oof! Buffy, breathing… issue…"

"Sorry!" Buffy exclaims, stepping back. "I'm just… I'm so nervous. Do I look okay?" she starts fixing her hair and clothing self consciously. "I don't know what Faith really likes about me, if it's just _me _or the sexy me or the… not sexy me? I don't know. Am I sexy? I don't look too mom-ish, right? I keep feeling mom-ish ever since I've had to take care of Dawn and I just—"

"You look beautiful," Willow interrupts her babble, smiling. Buffy beams.

"Hey, you ready, girlfriend?"

Just hearing Faith's voice makes Buffy's heart speed up and butterflies to appear in the pit of her stomach. She turns and the second her eyes fall on her – leaning against the threshold of her doorway looking cool and confident, if not for the hint of nervousness in her eye – Buffy's sure that her brain lost all ability to function. Faith looked… Faith looked _wow._

Faith is all breasts and legs and _god _does her tight fitting wardrobe accent that. She's mildly aware that she's been standing there, gawking at her like a fool, and not being able to say a single word, but like she said – brain not all there at the moment; please try again later.

Willow smirks and puts her hand on Buffy's shoulder, shaking out of her moment of admiration. "Have fun; try not to drown in your own drool."

"I... what? I wasn't!" Buffy protests, but Willow just chuckles as she exits the bedroom. Buffy's eyes fall on Faith and she's smirking at her.

"There was some droolin'," Faith affirms, trying to find a comfortable area and teasing seems to work out just fine.

Faith's nervous like hell though, not knowin' really how to go about this. Does she give her a kiss, or is that just at the end of the date? Fuck this stupid chivalry bullshit, it's too damn confusing and designed not to let anyone have any fun. But Buffy's that kinda girl, y'know, the knight in shining armor, gentleman (or woman?) crap and so she's trying. Sorta. She didn't get a moonlit carriage ride or nothing, but it was still a date which is a step further than anyone else has ever gotten.

"I wasn't…! There was no drool involved!" Buffy protests, but her hand wipes the back of her mouth anyway, making Faith chuckle. But it's not wet, ergo; no drool. See! "You just… you look…" but she can't seem to find the words. She blushes instead.

Okay, this is ridiculous. She did not blush this much when it came to Faith until this whole date thing.

Faith feels a little uncomfortable at the comment and just shrugs lightly. "Well you look better," she tells her honestly, 'cause she does. Buffy smiles shyly. But then they just stand there, the two of them, looking at each other. Crap! Is Faith supposed to do something now? "Uh… so do I like, whisk you away in my car now?"

"You have a car?" Buffy asks, surprised.

"Motorcycle," Faith amends. Didn't she say that? Fuck, she needs to pull it together. _It's just a date, Lehane. Jesus, you've watched this kinda shit in enough movies to figure it out. _Faith looks at her for a second before awkwardly holding out her hand to Buffy. This better be right.

Buffy looks a little surprised, but happy, as she takes Faith's hand in hers. They lace their fingers together and both of them can feel the tingles from their Slayer Connection deepen just by the one simple gesture. "Let's motorvate," Faith says with a smirk as she leads Buffy down the hall, towards the front door.

But they don't actually _get_ to the front door, of course.

"Buffy!"

"Satsu!" Buffy exclaims, taking her hand out of Faith's quickly as Satsu comes into view from the living room. God, she hopes she didn't see that.

Satsu looks at her strangely; Buffy's jumpy behavior setting off warning bells that she chooses to ignore because she doesn't have a lot of time before she has to lead the girls on patrol. She still asks though, "Are you okay?"

"Fine!"

"B? Breathe," Faith says flatly, looking at her just as oddly as Satsu is. This isn't fair; this is like ganged up looks. Looks that gang... together? Gang… oh forget it.

At least she doesn't have to explain why she's leaving with Faith; she told Satsu that they might go out to do the Slayer bonding thing so they quit fighting so much. Though with her luck, her jumpy and suspiciousness might make the younger girl question it and…. Okay, breathing. She's fine, this is normal. She and Faith are _not _about to go on a date and the girl she's currently sleeping with is _not _making this more awkward. Nope. No siree.

"I was just wondering if you needed me to hit any specific areas tonight. I don't know where you normally patrol," Satsu explains.

"Oh! No, no specific areas. Just… you know… kill demons, stake vampires; go team!" Great, now they're both looking at her even weirder. She coughs uncomfortably. "Just… normal patrol, go wherever," she finishes quietly.

"Have you been drinkin' already?" Faith asks with a chuckle.

"No!" she protests, then decides that actually that might be a good excuse so she amends with, "Okay… maybe."

"Just don't fall off the back of the Harley, ya alcoholic," Faith teases with a wry grin before she opens the front door for her. She's holding it open for her 'cause that's what chivalrous people do, right? Should she have gotten her a flower or something? No, that's fuckin' lame. Never mind.

"Is… that it?" Buffy asks, looking at Satsu. She hopes she doesn't look as guilty as she feels.

"Yeah… that's it," Satsu says quietly, trying to piece Buffy's odd behavior together but since each conclusion to it makes her unhappier than the last, she decides to just let it go. She could just be paranoid.

"Okay, you can report to me in the morning," Buffy says and gives her a smile before walking out the door, letting Faith close it behind her. Once she's outside she takes a breath.

Whew. Okay, the night's 'awkward situation' limit should be filled by now. Hopefully.

* * *

Ya know how people say drinking takes the edge off? Well they weren't lying. Not that Faith didn't already know this knowledge first hand, but somehow it feels a lot different in this situation, maybe because this is the first time she's ever really needed to take an edge off when she was out with someone. Then again, this was the first time she's _ever _been out with someone, in a date way anyway (unless ya count goin' to the park to tag benches and then screwin' in the grass a date), and yeah… drinks were needed.

At first the date was a little weird, both of them not knowing how to act. But Buffy stupidly challenged Faith to a drinking contest (inadvertently, but still, she shoulda known better) and that's where they were now – at the bar, taking shot after shot, the distance between them closing in after each passing moment.

Unfortunately though, it somehow turned into a truth telling kind of drinking game, which Faith completely blames on Buffy; she thought it would be a fun way to get to know each other. They ask a question and if the person doesn't want to answer then they take a shot. Faith's been drinking a whole lot more than Buffy, but she's done her fair share. And considering how much of a lightweight Buffy is, she's still far past Faith in the 'trashed' category.

"Oshkay," Buffy slurs a bit, and then blinks heavily as she realizes how that sounded. That was so not attractive. She concentrates on making her words come out of her mouth better when she asks her question, "Most embarrassing moment?"

Faith takes her shot.

"What? Come on! How am I supposed to get to know you if you won't even tell me _that?"_ Buffy complains. "You're missing the point of this whole… sharing and caring… _drinking_… thingie ma bobber." She waves her hand around a little and Faith raises an eyebrow.

"First time you thought about me naked?" she counters with a smirk.

Buffy narrows her eyes and takes her shot. Faith laughs.

"See? I'm not the only one not sharin', B."

"That's different! I'm not asking about… stuff like that! There's no naked sexy questions in my line up," she protests.

"Maybe there should be."

"_Fine,"_ Buffy says, thinking she's going to get one up on Faith in her drunken stupor. Problem is, she's drunk too, and seems to overlook the big fact that she's asking sex questions to _Faith, _"How many times have you masturbated thinking about me?" She has a little smile of pride on her face, not thinking that Faith's going to…

"Take half the people in this room and count their fingers," Faith says with a smirk, "and then their toes."

Buffy's eyes go wide. Damn, okay, she asked for that one. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." She's not ashamed; she's drunk for shit's sake. And sex? That's her area.

"But that's like… years and years and _years _of…" she blushes, "Sexual touching. In regards to… me." A beat. "Really?"

"Really."

"You've liked me that long?"

"Ain't your question," Faith reminds her. Buffy huffs and it makes Faith smile a little. "Your perfect date?" She figures she can play it Buffy's way and ask a question she can answer. It doesn't have to do with sex, after all. Plus, she could use the pointers.

Buffy flushes a little, "This."

"What?"

Buffy's eyes go wide, realizing that she said that out loud instead in her head where it was supposed to stay. Stupid brain. "I just… I… this is… fun."

"But ain't you all like… horse and carriage, walk under the stars, kinda girl?" Faith asks, surprised.

"No. I mean, yes, I am, those things are… nice but…" Faith looks at her expectantly and Buffy does another shot to calm her nerves. She gags a little and makes a face. "Ick."

"S'Booze, B. Ain't supposed to taste like candy."

"I know. And… and what I was going to say was… well… this is nice and it's different and it's just… fun. 'Cause horses poop and bugs can come out and ruin walks under the stars and this way there's no bugs and no pooping. There's just liquor and your cleavage and _oh my god_ I really just said that, didn't I?"

Faith snorts as she laughs and Buffy looks mortified. Okay, drunk Buffy is not great with explaining.

"Hey, don't get all embarrassed. S'good ya told me. And hey, next time I just gotta bring a bottle of booze, show ya the girls and stay away from bugs and a pile of horseshit, right? Seems easy enough."

"Next time?" Buffy asks softly. Faith seems to _just_ catch that she said that. It's her turn to look embarrassed.

"Uh… y'know. If… we do this again," she mumbles.

"I think I'd like to do it again," Buffy says, feeling really shy all of a sudden. She tucks a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Ya say that _now."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, I'm just tellin' ya like it is. Me and you both know I can be an ass and you can be a bitch sometimes. Shit ain't always roses and flowers with us, B. Night's not over yet," Faith explains.

"Well okay, Ms. _Pessimistic,_ thank you for ruining my girly swooning moment," Buffy huffs. Faith smirks.

"You were swooning?"

Buffy rolls her eyes, "Not anymore, _ass."_

"Ya like my ass."

"So not the point."

"Kinda is," Faith says with a chuckle as she pushes another shot towards Buffy. "Your turn, B."

Buffy's pouting a little but she takes the shot and pulls it over to her. She looks at it for a minute, contemplating asking a question that she really wants to know the answer to, but she's afraid Faith will just drink to get out of it. She sucks up her courage anyway and turns to her before asking quietly, "Why am I different… to you?"

"What?" Faith asks, confused.

"Me… _this_… you've never… done this… before. The dating. The… everything. So… why me?"

Faith looks at her for a moment before her hand closes around the shot glass, but Buffy puts her hand on Faith's arm to stop her from drinking it. "No. Don't… please?"

Faith purses her lips together and is silent for a little while. Buffy's hand that's on her arm starts tracing small, light patterns on her skin and finally she releases the shot glass with a sigh. "You're just… Buffy."

"What does that mean?" Buffy asks, confused. She doesn't stop touching Faith though, finding that she loves touching Faith even in the simplest of manners.

Faith shrugs, feeling self conscious. "I dunno. S'always been you, B. It's just… different. We've always been a bit fucked, right? Never playin' by the rules. Guess ya just fucked up my no dating rule."

"That's… it?" Buffy asks, feeling slightly disappointed. A 'you're beautiful' from Faith would have been nice, at least.

"Ya fishin' for compliments now, Blondie?" Faith asks her with a smirk. Buffy flushes.

"No! I just… want to know why you like me, is all."

Faith sighs, annoyed. She doesn't wanna have to say this shit. This goes way past the line of girly. But… "Alright, I'm gonna tell ya somethin' and I know it sounds corny and like a load of bullshit _crap _but I'm serious. And I swear to fuck if ya repeat it or make fun of me I will personally beat your head in so far you'll be seein' out your ass."

"You're such a charmer."

"I'm serious."

"I know, I know. Sorry. I promise I won't say anything," Buffy says, but sits up a little in her chair, eagerly awaiting Faith's declaration of… like? Crush? Lust? Something. Damnit, she's too drunk.

Faith takes a breath before doing another shot, no, two shots before she says anything. "K, so here's the thing…" she starts, feeling like such a jackass for doing this. She blames the fuckin' liquor. "You're like… girly, beautiful, strong, a leader, sweet, fuckin' _blonde_—"

"What's my hair color have to do with…?"

"B, will ya just shut up? I'm tryin' to—"

"Sorry."

Faith sighs and fidgets nervously. "So you're like… the light or, I dunno. Whatever. Like the ying or the yang, whatever the white part is. And then there's me and I'm all… dark and shit. And I usually go for everyone else who's all dark and fucked up like me 'cause of… whatever. I dunno. But I think that we kinda… fit, or something else that sounds really fuckin' retarded. You're like my other half." A beat. "I know that sounds wicked stupid."

Buffy blinks, taken aback. Wow. She didn't expect Faith to be so… _wow._ "No that's not… it's not stupid. _God _that's not stupid. That's… really sweet, Faith."

"Whatever," Faith mumbles.

"I mean it, it's—"

"Just… leave it, okay? Feel like a jackass already. Said it; now it's done."

Faith won't look at her now and Buffy needs to fix that. "Faith?" she asks timidly. Faith hesitantly turns to look at her, and she's greeted by Buffy's lips meeting her own in a soft kiss. "I feel like that too," she whispers as she pulls back some, her breath tickling her sensitive flesh. Their eyes meet and Buffy strokes her cheek softly, a small smile lingering on her lips.

Faith feels something she doesn't know how to describe so she does the first thing she can think of. She grabs Buffy's shirt and pulls her closer to her, bringing the blonde up to straddle her in her seat, her lips meeting hers again for a searing kiss. It sounds stupid, but everything about Buffy feels so right. She's had a lot of fucked up shit go down in her life and even though a lot of it had to do with the girl who's currently on top of her and kissing her with reckless abandon, it kinda felt like it was leading up to this moment.

Man, she's turned into such a _chick._

But it's true. Buffy fit in her arms and not even just in the sex way. There's something about her that makes Faith not want to go half on anything anymore, at least not with her. Dating ain't so bad and she used to avoid it like the plague. Maybe there's other shit like this that won't suck so much because she'll be doing it with Buffy. Hell, she's pretty sure that when they ever actually get to the sex part, she's gonna stick around 'till morning.

And that's like saying that pigs fuckin' flew.

Buffy's hands tangle themselves in her hair and Faith's lost in the sensation of her lips and tongue, feeling everything she has to offer. That is, until some asshole frat boy types start whoopin' and hollerin' at them. Faith growls as she tears her lips away from Buffy to threaten, "Ain't here to fuckin' get your rocks off, boys. But if ya want I ain't got no problem _tearin' _them offa ya."

Buffy giggles into Faith's neck as the assholes scurry off, freaked out by the dangerous look in the brunette's eyes.

* * *

They really should have stopped drinking.

Actually, _Buffy _should have stopped drinking. Well no, Faith too, seeing as she knows there's no way in hell she's gonna be able to drive them both home like this and the club just closed. But Buffy… she's a different story. She's a very drunk, stumbling, slurring, mess of another story.

"Your boobs're _hugeish_," Buffy slurs after she stumbles on the sidewalk, landing in Faith's arms with her head in her cleavage.

"Yeah, I know," Faith says with a chuckle while Buffy tries to literally climb up her body to stand up straight. The blonde blinks heavily, trying to adjust her eyesight as she looks at Faith. She puts her hand on her cheek, letting her thumb run sloppily down Faith's lower lip.

"S'the sexiest thing… _ever,"_ she tells her, whispering like it's some big secret. "Mmm… it's like… sexy and pouty and…" a pause, "sexy and… pouty. OH!" she tries to jump a little in her excitement, but almost topples over again. Faith catches her. "There's this thingie we're s'posed to do," Buffy tells her, not seeming to notice that she almost fell.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Faith asks, entertaining her as she takes her to the parking lot. She's going to have to find a way to sober them up and all the coffee shops around here look closed.

"Mmm… I forget," Buffy says with a little giggle. Wow, things are spinning. Like a spinney… dreidel! Where's Willow? Dreidel, dreidel, "dreidel, I made you out of clay…" wait, that was just supposed to stay in her head.

"Ya gettin' Jewish on me?" Faith asks with a snicker.

"I'm hungry, baby," Buffy whines, throwing her arms around Faith's neck to steady herself. Then she gets a wicked smirk on her face before she whispers against her lips, "Think I wanna eat... _you…"_

"Sure ya do, B. After ya sleep it off, sober up, and take a half dozen aspirin in the mornin'," Faith answers, just to appease her, as she looks around to try and find some kind of safe haven for them. She has to close one eye to see distance properly though and is already unsteady enough as it is without having to hold onto Buffy too. Taking care of someone who's trashed totally fucks with her buzz, but she ain't gonna leave Buffy to herself just so she can party right.

She's on a date, after all.

"No…" Buffy slurs, trying to look alluring and sexy and _not _drunk. "Think I wanna…" she giggles a little as she walks her fingers slowly down Faith's torso until she gets to her button on her jeans. She pops it open with one flick. "Wanna eat you here…" she whispers before trying to push Faith back up against the back wall of the club. Unfortunately (or very fortunately) Faith's more on the sober side of the tracks then Buffy is and somehow braces them before they both fall back.

"Oookay," Faith says, eyes wide a little at Buffy's provocative suggestion. "Last time I checked ya wouldn't even let me kiss ya in the kitchen, and now ya wanna drop my pants in a parking lot?"

"I wanna taste you," Buffy breathes into her ear. Faith may have just come from that one simple statement, but she takes a breath and counts backwards from ten. She's not gonna take advantage of Buffy when she's drunk; it'll earn her an ass kickin' later.

"B, just… chill, okay?"

"I wanna go home, baby," Buffy complains a little as her hands tangle themselves in Faith's hair. She presses her lips to Faith's neck and kisses her before her hands get a little more wandering and start their descent down the younger Slayer's body. "I wanna lay you down and fuck you till you come in my mouth…"

"Jesus Christ," Faith breathes. She blinks, trying not to picture that in her head. God, who knew Buffy would become such a slut when she was drunk? If she knew that she woulda done this when she first came to Sunnydale. But she puts her hands on Buffy's shoulders and backs her up enough to get some distance between them. "Can't drive like this," she reminds her. "And you… you'd fuckin' fall off the back of the motorcycle with how fucked up you are right now."

Buffy pouts, starting to get cranky. She wants a bed! She wants a bed with Faith! A naked Faith! With the… nakeness and the sexing. "Then what're we doing?" she asks, confused. She runs her fingers through her hair and feels a bit unsteady so she lays her head against Faith's shoulder.

"Dunno. Lookin' for somewhere to go, but ain't nowhere in walkin' distance. Think I should just call Red and have her—"

"No!" Buffy exclaims quickly. She's got a better idea. A more private idea. One that doesn't involve trying to sex Faith in a house filled with Slayers, one of whom she's already had sexual…_ liaisons_ with. Liaisons. That's a funny word. Buffy giggles. Faith's looking at her weird though so she stops and gets back to her train of thought. She points across the parking lot. "There."

"Where?"

"_There,"_ Buffy stresses, gesturing more empathically. She can see the building, she's not blind. Unless she's hallucinating, but last time she checked, alcohol doesn't do that to a person.

Faith pauses, looking past the shops to see what she's point at behind them. "A hotel?" she asks, wary. While hotels are good, hotels are fuckin' great, actually… really ain't gonna help the whole 'don't take advantage of Buffy' plan that she has in her head.

Buffy nods.

"Dunno if that's such a—"

"Please? I'm tired," Buffy pouts. She knows pouting gets her places and with Faith it seems to have the same effect, she just has to work a little bit harder. She uses the doe eyes too, "Please, Faith? We can… snuggle."

Faith cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Well you're the one being all noble and virtuous with your legs closed!" Buffy defends. Faith just chuckles at her and Buffy pouts more. "Please, baby?"

"Ya know you've called me 'baby' about three times in the last ten minutes."

"So? What's wrong with baby? Should I call you… cupcake? Oh! Darling. Or sweetie! Or…"

"Quit while you're ahead," Faith says, holding up her hand, but she looks amused. Her eyes flicker to the hotel room in the distance. Part of her knows she should just call Willow and have her magic them over there, but that shit already gets them queasy enough. She could pick them up in her car but it'd take too long and they're already walking targets for vamps and other nasty things. Plus they're drunk, which doesn't help the target factor. So… fuck. "Fine, we'll get a room. But I ain't fuckin' ya when you're smashed."

"YAY!" Buffy exclaims, all smiles. She jumps a little but stumbles (it seems to the theme of the night) and holds onto Faith. "Mmm… yay," she says again and kisses Faith's cheek. "I promise I will be super good. No touching for Buffy. My hands will be my own and… there will be no touching," she says, firm, with a head nod to make it so.

Faith snorts disbelievingly, "Yeah, we'll see about that."

**TBC…**


	8. Contentment

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
****Contentment**

Getting a room was one thing.

Getting Buffy _in _the room was another thing entirely.

"Oooh! Lookie, Faith! This fish looks like Finding Nemo!" Buffy announces, staggering over to the large fish tank in the lobby. She presses her face against it and taps on the glass. "Here fishy, fishy… oh! Look! And this one's trying to make out with the glass!" she giggles and the night manager gives Faith a disapproving look. Damn, does she look like this chick's babysitter?

Obviously.

"Miss, could you please escort your friend _away _from the aquarium?"

"Ain't like she's gonna break it," Faith shoots back, defensively. But Buffy does look a little too intoxicated for public displays of… living. Her forehead is up against the glass and Faith cocks an eyebrow as Buffy starts making fish faces at the poor creatures inside of it. Lord.

"B? Hey, Buffy? C'mere, we gotta go upstairs," Faith says, taking Buffy's hand and pulling her away from the aquarium. Buffy stumbles a little but doesn't fall, thankfully.

"But… I want to watch the fishies," Buffy says, pouting.

"Maybe there'll be fish in the room," Faith offers, trying to appease her. She makes sure she has a firm grip on her hand as she drags Buffy to the elevator. She's still pouting but she leans into Faith's side as they walk.

"I want fish. I never got a pet," she slurs as Faith drags her into the elevator.

"Fish're borin'."

"_You're _boring."

Faith snorts. "Yeah, sure." She closes one eye and tilts her head, trying to get through the drunken dizziness as she looks at the elevator numbers. What the fuck floor was their room on? Fifteen? Hopefully. She presses the button and the doors close. She leans against the side of the elevator and she squints her eyes. Fuck, why does everything gotta be so god damn bright?

Buffy starts humming along to the elevator music, leaning her head against Faith's shoulder. "Mmm… you smell good…"

"What do I smell like?" Faith asks with a smile. She kind of likes drunk Buffy… even if she can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Like… cinnamon and sex," Buffy says, biting on her lower lip softly. "I kinda want to lick you." Faith chuckles, half expecting Buffy to do it which, okay, wouldn't help this whole hands to herself thing but Buffy seems to be trying to stick to her 'no touching' rule too. She does come awfully close though.

"Yeah well I kinda wanna lick your ass when we're sober," Faith replies.

"You wanna lick my ass?" Buffy asks, not sure if she should be grossed out or turned on by that. But she's drunk and she decides… yes, Faith can lick her ass. That's doable. A good, solid plan of… lickage.

Faith laughs a little. She meant 'your ass' as in just 'you', but whatever. "Among other things," she tells her with a smirk. The elevator dings as they get to their floor and the doors open. Faith takes Buffy's hand again, not trusting her to be able to walk on her own and pulls her out of it. She digs through her pockets for her keycard, needing to figure out the room number.

"Should I make a list? Oh! I can make a list of which places you should lick and you can check them off as you do them," Buffy offers. Faith smirks as she reads the keycard. Fifteen eleven. Okay so that should be… that way? Maybe.

"Be sure to get right on that," Faith says, amused as she leads Buffy down the hall.

"I will! There'll be bullet points and everything! Giles says organization is the key to… something. Maybe a hell dimension. Oh, maybe bullet points shouldn't be involved then," Buffy says, frowning. Faith laughs.

"I'm hungry," Buffy says again, suddenly. "Can we get room service with one of those rolly carts and a bellboy?"

"See, now I know you're takin' advantage of the me bein' the guy thing," Faith says with a smirk before she stops right outside their room. Buffy tries to keep walking, unfazed, but Faith pulls her back towards her. "You're tryin' to get me to bust my daily limit on my card."

Not that it's really _her_ card. More like the Council's card, but whatever.

"S'not what I'm doing!" Buffy protests, her words slurring even more. "Swear! I just… my tummy is rumbly." She pouts and Faith leans in and kisses her to make her smile again; it works.

"Well if ya don't pass out then we can order somethin', okay?" Faith tells her before turning to the door and struggling with the keycard. Fuck, they should make these things drunk-proof. It takes about five tries but finally the green light turns on, signaling success, and she opens the door and helps Buffy inside.

"BED!" Buffy squeals, making a beeline to it. She jumps on it, landing on her stomach, spread eagle. Faith smirks as she kicks off her shoes and staggers a bit over to it herself. She flops down on her back, looking at the ceiling.

"Better get your shoes off of it," Faith tells her, moving her leg to bump Buffy's. Buffy groans in complaint.

"You do it."

"Ya want me to take off your shoes for you? What am I, your bitch now?"

Buffy giggles and turns her head to look at Faith, "That could be fun."

"Pfft, dream on, Blondie. If anyone's gonna be the bitch here, it's gonna be you," Faith tells her, bumping her leg with Buffy's again to get her point across. She's not sleeping in a bed that's got dirt in it.

Buffy sits up a little, leaning on her elbows. "But what if I get an outfit? A sexy one with… leather and spandex or… whatever they wear. Oh! A whip. I could get a whip. I could crack it and say naughty things."

Faith busts out laughing. Shit, drunk Buffy really is a slut. It's cute though, at least this part is. Her naivety is amusing. "Ya gonna make a list of kinks we need to try too, or just add that to the list of places I need to lick?"

"I could do that. Separate or… both. I don't care. You underestimate the power of… um, lists."

Faith laughs more.

"Hey! I mean it! I won't do bullet points but… shut up!" she exclaims when Faith falls over laughing hard. Buffy pouts and sits up to take off her shoes, chucking them across the room unceremoniously. Faith's still laughing so she makes a disgruntled face and crawls on top of her, smacking her arm with her hand. "Shut up!"

"B… seriously… outfits? Lists?" she's still cracking up and Buffy pouts, shoving her a little.

"Well I don't know! I'm still new to this… lesbian thing, okay? I didn't have to take a test and get _initiated."_

Faith tries to control her laughter, but everything drunk Buffy says really is funny. She takes a breath though, then purses her lips together. Buffy's pouting hardcore now and she really doesn't know what she's doing so she probably shouldn't make fun of her. "Sorry," Faith says, trying not to smirk.

"You're mean," Buffy says flatly, shoving her once more before crawling off of her to sit on the other end of the bed. She folds her arms into herself and huffs, "Now buy me food."

"So fuckin' high maintenance," Faith mumbles. Buffy glares.

"You promised!"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll feed ya," Faith says, rolling over to reach the telephone. "What'dya want?"

"Pizza! No, steak! NO! Something with cheese."

"Pizza has cheese."

"Fine, pizza," Buffy relents and watches Faith dial the number to room service. Faith orders two large cheese pizzas and some fries and then hands up, rolling over to look at her.

"'Bout thirty minutes."

"Food should be like… instant," Buffy says with a nod, affirming her own thought. "Like… you know, in the future, where you can just press a button and PRESTO! Pizza. Or… maybe I should have said PRESTO! PESTO! Because that sounds better. Presto! P—!"

"B," Faith says with a chuckle, interrupting her. "Chill with the motor mouth for a few minutes, yeah? C'mere and just lay down."

"Can we make out?"

Faith smirks, "Ain't gonna say no."

"Good," Buffy says with a smile and crawls over to Faith, lying on top of her. She hopes she doesn't squish her, but Faith just wraps her arms around her, holding her there. So squishing must be out, which is good, because that wouldn't be sexy at all. But that might be okay anyway because Faith could be sexy enough for the both of them; for the whole world, really.

"You're sexy," Buffy murmurs softly before letting her lips find Faith's. Buffy's decided that kissing Faith is definitely one of her favorite things to do; it makes her feel like she's drowning, but in a good way. Like everything else around them just falls away to nothing and all that matters is each other. It's nothing like kissing Angel; he was cold and Faith is warm. Same goes for Spike. Riley… Riley was sloppy and uncoordinated. And Satsu… she was good, she could do great things with her tongue, but Faith is… shit. Faith can do things with her tongue _and _she makes everything else not matter. There's nothing but the two of them and it's… peaceful.

Well, it's peaceful when it's just kissing. After about five minutes it becomes a bit more than that.

Faith's mouth was becoming more insistent; more wanting. She couldn't seem to really control herself, not when they were in a bed, in a room, with Buffy straddling her waist and slowly starting to grind her crotch into hers. Faith's tongue dueled with hers for dominance in a way that left Buffy panting against her lips; each breath a whisper of need. Buffy's tongue sneaks out to dip into the cleft in Faith's bottom lip before taking the succulent flesh between her teeth and nipping on it in a way that allowed a throaty moan to escape past the brunette's lips.

Mmm… Buffy likes it when Faith's moans. She wants her to do it some more.

Her kisses aren't the best; they're a little sloppy because she's drunk, but Faith' doesn't seem to mind. Buffy grinds her crotch further into Faith's, the seam of her jeans rubbing against her in a _very _nice way. She gasps softly into her mouth before kissing her harder as Faith's hands find their way to her ass to press their bodies flush together.

Faith has wandering hands, so Buffy decides hers can wander too.

Buffy whimpers as Faith's tongue swirls around hers before she sucks it softly and Buffy grabs Faith's hip, nails digging in for a moment as she tries to focus on her task. Feeling; that's all she can do. But she wanted to… feel Faith, right. But another whimper floats past her lips as Faith starts sucking on her neck instead, and it feels like the whole world just fell out from under her.

"Faith…" she breathes. God, she needs to touch; needs to feel. Her hands slide up under Faith's shirt quickly, bypassing her bra even quicker… but then everything just has to become one big ol' suckfest.

"B, hold on…" Faith says, her breathing ragged as she grabs Buffy's hands and takes them away from her. Fuck, if that wasn't the hardest thing she's ever had to do, then she doesn't know what is. But she's trying, really fuckin' hard here, to not be one great big asshole and Buffy's… just drunk. Kissing's fine and whatever but Buffy wouldn't ever forgive her if she fucked her drunk.

"What is your problem?" Buffy asks, annoyed now. Why can't she just have sex when she wants to?!

"Don't get bitchy with me, B. I'm fuckin' tryin' to be proper and all this junk for _you,"_ Faith snaps, her sexual frustration just coming out as… frustration.

"Well it sucks, it's stupid, and I don't like it. Stop."

"You're drunk as shit."

"So? Being drunk doesn't mean I've suddenly developed a case of _stupid."_

"Buffy… just… fuck," Faith says, sighing. She pinches the bridge of her nose and counts backwards from ten; it seems to be a decent enough distraction. "Look, I'm fucked up, I'm horny, and yeah, I would fuck the hell outta ya if you were any other bitch. But you're not, you're _you _and I seriously don't need an ass kickin' tomorrow morning."

"I'm not going to kick your ass," Buffy tells her, annoyed. "Why can't you just accept that I want to sleep with you?!"

"Because you made this whole fuckin' speech about how ya ain't gonna just jump in the sack with me, or did you forget that?! Jesus, Buffy! For fucks sake, give me some credit that I'm thinking about you over my fuckin' pussy for once!"

"Well maybe_ I_ want to think about your pussy!"

"Do you hear yourself? B, you're like so far past the point of trashed it's not even funny."

"Whatever," Buffy huffs, climbing off of Faith. "Asshole."

"Bitch," Faith mutters.

"So this is your… little end of the night theory then, huh?" Buffy asks spitefully. "You're an asshole and I'm a bitch? Well congratulations on your profeci… prefet… propheticness!" Okay, maybe she is a little drunk. Or okay, she knows she's really drunk, but that doesn't change the fact that she wants to have sex with Faith drunk, sober, high, whatever!

"Thanks," Faith says dryly. She looks upset though and she rolls over in a huff of her own annoyance and grabs the TV remote off of the bedside table. Neither of them says anything.

The silence between them lasts all through their dinner, or was it breakfast? Regardless. They ate their pizza in silence. It was awkward and the tension in the room wasn't helping either of them. Finally, after they ate, Buffy asks softly, "Do you want to go to sleep?"

"Whatever."

"Was that a yes or a no?"

"It was a whatever."

Buffy sighs heavily, feeling a little more sober; the food helped a lot. She just shakes her head and peels off her shirt, throwing it on the floor before unbuttoning her jeans and shimmying out of them. She can feel Faith's eyes on her. "What?" she asks.

"Didn't say nothin'."

"I'm in my bra and panties, I'm not _naked _so I'm not trying to… whatever. I'm so not sleeping in my clothes just because you're hormonal."

"I'm not fuckin' hormonal!"

"Whatever," Buffy says, sliding under the covers. Her eyes meet Faith's and she looks at her expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to get undressed and lay with me or are you going to be an ass?"

Faith flips her off but peels off her shirt. Fine, Buffy wants her to strip down like she is? _Fine, _she asked for it. She slides off her pants and Buffy's eyes go wide. Yeah, that's what she thought.

"You… you… wear a bra but you don't…?" Buffy seems to choke on her words and it makes Faith smirk. She can't see her front – Faith's facing away from her, but she can tell there's nothing there.

"Don't like underwear," she tells her simply before flipping off the bedroom light. She climbs under the covers and says, "Night."

What? Okay, Buffy finds this incredibly not fair. Stupid darkness, she couldn't even sneak a perverted _peek._

Buffy's still lying there, staring at her. Faith can feel her eyes on her even though she's turned away from her. There's silence for a long time and Faith's waiting for her to say something; she knows she will. She's Buffy for Christ's sake, she's never without words.

"You'd make a crappy girlfriend," she mutters, finally.

"Told ya I would."

"You don't even… I mean you just… ugh! Do you want me to school you on this?" Buffy asks, annoyed. "Just… can you maybe…?"

"What?"

"Hold me or something?"

Faith raises an eyebrow before she rolls over in bed to look at Buffy who looks halfway between embarrassed and annoyed. "While I'm half naked?" Faith asks, like that's a stupid thing to do.

"Well if you're worried about my drunkness getting too handsy, I think I've sobered up a hell of a lot," Buffy states flatly.

Faith's inclined to agree with that at least, she wasn't babbling nonsense anymore or slurring her words.

"And ya don't think you being all pressed up against me with my pussy all out there that it ain't gonna lead to anything?" She's gotta ask.

Buffy's annoyance has reached a new level. "Faith, you're a jerk. A big, fat, annoying jerk. And you know what? I don't sleep with jerks."

"Yeah, cause_ there's_ a way to get me to cuddle with ya," Faith says dryly.

"You're a moron!"

"Night, B," Faith says dismissively, rolling over again. She's not gonna put up with this crap right now; she's too fucking tired.

"No!" Buffy exclaims, grabbing Faith's arm and making her roll over to face her. "You are going to hold me, and we're going to cuddle," she says firmly, snuggling into Faith's side roughly and throwing the brunette's arm around her. Damn her.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me with this shit?" Faith asks, looking at her like she's gone insane. She has half a mind to deck her in the face.

"No, now shut up and go to sleep," Buffy demands, holding Faith's arm around her and laying her head on her breast. Faith lets out an aggravated sigh, but she doesn't push her off. Fuck, she really is a whipped idiot now.

Faith closes her eyes and tries to go to sleep, but she really doubts that there's any way she's gonna be able to sleep with someone all over her like this, regardless of who it is. But she stays there; not really looking to get into another stupid fight with Buffy, even though Faith is painfully aware of every single body part of Buffy's that's touching her. Skin against skin; the heat between them… yeah, who the fuck is supposed to be able to sleep like this? Seriously.

Buffy can tell Faith's on edge; she can feel all of her muscles tense under her touch. But it's warm here, in Faith's arms; it's comforting. And it's… really incredibly sexy because _oh my god_ she's not wearing any panties. Buffy wishes she was still as drunk as she was before because then she'd be bold enough to try to discreetly _touch,_ maybe with her leg shifting accidently or… something. But she's a little nervous now; stupid food and stupid slayer metabolism that ruins her buzz.

Her fingers start tracing small patterns on Faith's tight stomach, smiling a little as she slightly feels her muscles jump from of her touch. "Faith?" she asks softly. Faith makes a grunting sound that Buffy is going to assume means 'what?' "I'm sorry I called you a jerk… and a moron."

"Whatever."

"No, I mean it," Buffy says, shifting a little so she can lean up to look down at Faith. She watches her open her eyes to look at her before continuing, "You've been… really wow with this whole date thing; really sweet and considerate and I'm… sorry."

"Wasn't gonna take advantage of ya," Faith mumbles.

"It's not even just that, you've been… I don't know, you so would_ not _make a crappy girlfriend and I'm sorry I said that before, I was just mad. Frustrated, I guess. I was just…"

"Horny?" Faith offers with a little smirk. Buffy flushes.

"A little, yeah."

"Try 'a lot'."

"Okay, fine; a lot," Buffy amends. She takes a breath and brushes a piece of hair away from Faith's face gently. "This was a perfect first date, Faith. Thank you," she whispers.

Faith just shrugs, feeling a little self conscious. "Wasn't perfect," she mumbles, her eyes averting away from Buffy's gaze.

"Well okay, I know I got really drunk but other than that… yeah. It was…"

"Kinda fucked how fast we can end up gettin' sober huh?"

"Well, not _completely_ sober," Buffy giggles. "I still feel a little tipsy, but at least the room isn't spinning anymore. And there's only one of you now; at one point I could have sworn you had a twin and then inappropriate fantasies started popping up in my head."

Faith smirks, "Perv. If I had a twin ya'd wanna do both of us at the same time? Hot as I am, I ain't gettin' into bed with my sister, even if she looks like me."

"Hence the 'inappropriate' part. But…" Buffy smiles before pursing her lips together. "I think I'd be happy with just one of you."

"Which one?" Faith asks with a wry smile.

Buffy hits her arm lightly, giggling. "You, idiot."

"Not my hypothetical twin? Ya never know B, doubt she'd be the hotter one, but she could be the saner one. You guys could get along better."

"I don't want your hypothetical twin, Faith," Buffy says, smirking. But then she gets serious, running her fingers softly over Faith's cheek, then her jaw line. "I want you," she tells her softly.

"But I'm— mffphh…" Faith's protests are cut short by Buffy putting a hand over her mouth.

"Just shut up for once," she tells her with a smile. "Just accept what I said and just…" her eyes search Faith's for a moment before she slides her hand slowly off of the brunette's mouth. She strokes her thumb across Faith's bottom lip before she leans in, whispering, "shut up…" she closes her eyes as her mouth meets Faith in a soft kiss.

Their lips are barely touching, just ghosting across each other lightly at first. Buffy's a little nervous, but she knows what she wants; she knows where this will end up going even if it kills her to get there. She understands Faith trying to be good for her, but Buffy doesn't want her to. She needs to touch, to feel, to be consumed by everything that Faith is. She just took her on an amazing date, showed a deeper, more caring side of her that Buffy could barely believe was hidden underneath all that cockiness and bravado, and she… she's _it._

Maybe not 'it' as in 'the one', but Buffy's not an idiot and she knows she'd just be fooling herself if she didn't admit that Faith's what she wants, what she needs right now; more than Satsu, more than any person that she could start fresh with. She needs their past; she needs all the feeling and the emotions behind everything that they did to each other to truly understand what it's like to feel swept up in someone's wake. And she was, _God _she so was; completely.

She isn't going to think about later, or the 'what if's', or Faith possibly leaving, or maybe not wanting a real relationship. That didn't matter right now. What mattered was the here and now, and how Faith made her feel. It's always been that way with Faith; feeling, for better or for worse.

Buffy slips her tongue pasts Faith's lips, kissing her deeper. Her hand finds Faith's hip as she leans over her, her palm growing warmer against Faith's rapidly heating skin. Her breathing has become shallower, maybe because of her nerves or maybe just due to Faith's becoming a little shallow as well. She takes a chance though and moves herself completely on top of Faith, her leg slipping between hers, allowing her thigh to connect with Faith's scorching heat. Faith hisses at the contact, her legs falling apart automatically to give Buffy more room, but her hands betray her libido and she tries to push Buffy off of her, panting and attempting to stay in control.

"B… you—"

"Shh…" Buffy whispers, moving Faith's hands away from hers before leaning back down to kiss her hard on the lips, once. She looks her in the eyes before she dips her head down, trailing her tongue up the length of Faith's neck; her skin is warm and tastes of salt. "I want this…" she breathes into her ear, "I want _you…"_ She presses her thigh a little further against Faith's center, making the younger woman groan beneath her, her hands grasping Buffy's hips. "This isn't the alcohol talking, this is me and I need…" Buffy interrupts herself with a gasp as she feels Faith press her hips deeper into her, smearing her wetness all over her thigh. God, Faith felt amazing. "I need you," she breathes into her ear as she lets her hand slide up Faith's tight stomach, over her ribs, to push her bra out of the way. When her hand cups one of Faith's delicious mounds she moans, "God, I need you Faith… fuck me… please…"

Faith's hands snapped off Buffy's bra quickly after that statement, pushing it down off her shoulders before suddenly flipping them over. She looks down at the blonde; her eyes wild, her breathing shallow and her husky, lust driven voice telling her, "Ya better not kick my ass for this later." Her eyes trail over Buffy's form, drinking in every inch of her. But she still isn't moving; she's just hovering there, like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Buffy never thought she'd be the one to have to lead when it comes to sex with Faith, but then again she never thought Faith would ever truly care about doing the right thing by her. Regardless, this is _completely _the right thing and they are _going_ to have sex, damnit.

Buffy grabs one of Faith's hands, guiding it between her legs, over her panties. "Does it feel like I'm going to kick your ass later?" she counters breathlessly as she watches Faith's eyes get a little wider from the feel of how soaked her underwear is.

Faith can't deny what she feels, so no. But it's still so… surreal. Buffy's half fuckin' naked, wet and wanting her, _needing _her. Is it her fault that she kinda feels like she's been sucked into some kind of alternate dimension? Buffy's also aggressive about what she wants, which is kinda messed up since this would be her first time with a chick and no one's _ever _aggressive their first time, especially not Buffy. But maybe she just feels that comfortable with Faith which, yeah, also is rackin' up points in the 'alternate dimension' theory.

"Damnit, I never knew you'd _think _this much," Buffy mumbles before cupping her hand around the back of Faith's neck and pulling her in for another deep kiss. The hell with it; she can lead. She's sure once she pushes enough of Faith's buttons that this whole thinking business will be over and done with. She just needs to…

Faith groans hard into Buffy's mouth once the blonde's hand has found its way into her dripping sex. There wasn't any time for pleasantries; Faith needed to throw herself into this. _Buffy _needed Faith to throw herself into this. Buffy slides her fingers across her sensitive flesh, applying just enough pressure to Faith's clit to finally make the brunette come to grips with the reality of the situation.

And _God _does she come to grips with reality of it.

It's like a switch goes off in Faith; all tenderness and exploration gone, leaving only the lustful, unadulterated animal that Faith is underneath. Buffy's underwear is torn from her body roughly, a slight growl passing through Faith's lips before she unhooks her own bra and throws it across the room. Skin meets skin completely, finally, and Buffy gasps at the feeling of Faith's body flush against hers. Faith's barely giving her time to breathe though; her kisses becoming more insistent with their passion, her tongue plunging in Buffy's mouth and drinking her up like she owns her. Her hand grabs Buffy's that's sliding in her pussy, moving it away from her and holding it above her head, making Buffy groan from the lack of contact. Faith smirks against her lips.

"This is my game; you're just playin' it, baby," she whispers, every husky word going straight to Buffy's core. Buffy can do nothing else but moan in response as Faith's body slides down hers, her lips finding every piece of Buffy that she can reach; touch, taste, feel. She's sucking on her flesh, leaving love bites that Buffy knows will be gone in the morning. Down her neck, her shoulder, her chest, her stomach; _God _Faith's mouth is amazing.

"Faith please…" she begs softly, feeling Faith's breath against her clit, but her mouth still so far from it. Faith just grins wickedly before biting down on Buffy's inner thigh, making the blonde arch her back and moan hard as the line between pain and pleasure borders to nonexistent. She wants to touch Faith, to feel her, taste her, fuck her, everything, but Faith won't let her and it's driving her insane. She squirms, her flesh that's already slightly slick from sweat and anticipation is sticking to the sheets below her as Faith blows cool air across her clit, making her twitch and gasp. "Faith…" she begs again; wanting, needing.

But Faith's taking her time down there, the smell of Buffy's arousal surrounding her and making her feel a bit dizzy. _Fuck. Buffy Summers' pussy is in my face. _It'sthe one, simple thing she's ever wanted in her whole life so _no_, she wasn't going to rush this. She's going to remember every single detail of it.

Buffy has a small mole; right on her left lip and Faith's tongue sneaks out for a taste, making the older woman gasp and buck her hips. She needs it, Faith can feel it. It's not even the smell of sex and lust in the air around them, but it's so much deeper than that. She can feel it through their connection; every breath Buffy takes and every whimper that escapes her lips coming after the feeling that she has; that Faith can feel radiating from her.

Taking it slow was fine at first, but eventually Faith's lust won out and her tongue slips through her folds, moaning at the sweet taste of the woman beneath her. Buffy cries out; her name, Faith's name, finally falling from her lips out of ecstasy and pleasure from what she's doing to her, and not from her own ministrations as it has so many times before. Her fingers tangle themselves in Faith's hair as she closes her eyes, her breathing uneven and heavy as she surrenders to the feeling of Faith's tongue exploring her most intimate area.

Faith uses her fingers to spread Buffy open for her, her tongue mapping every dip and curve that Buffy's sex had to offer her. Her tongue flicks against her hard, protruding clit and Buffy squeals before turning it into another long moan as Faith wraps her lips around it and sucks on it gently. Fuck, she could go down on her for hours and by the looks of it… Buffy probably wouldn't mind. Between Buffy's legs is definitely Faith's new favorite place.

But there are other places Faith needs to explore so she slides two fingers into Buffy's heat, her arousal coating her fingers instantaneously. Buffy cries out, her hand hitting the headboard as she grabs hold of it, thrusting her hips into Faith's hand to make her go deeper. "Oh god… oh fuck yes…" she breathes, every sensation in her body feeling like tiny firecrackers dancing across her skin. "Oh baby, please…" she pants, squeezing her inner muscles to tighten around Faith, intensifying the feeling inside of her.

"Fuck, you're so tight…" Faith groans appreciatively. Her tongue slides through Buffy's folds again, but she's stopped as Buffy tugs on her hair a little, making her look up in question.

"Wait…" she pants out, trying to breathe. She licks her lips before she tells her, "I need you… up here… I wanna…"

"Told ya this is my show, B. Fall in line," Faith interrupts with a smirk before she curls her fingers against Buffy's g-spot, making her cry out and slam her hand into the headboard, shaking the bed. But Faith stills her fingers again, letting Buffy breathe, who tells her:

"Faith… if you don't get up here… _right _now… I'm gonna tie you to the fucking bedposts…" she threatens between each breath. Faith's smirk widens.

"Kinky."

"I mean it."

"I know you do," Faith says with a lustful smile, but she starts to climb up her body anyway; slowly, like a panther. Her dark hair is tumbled down around her shoulders, the look in her eyes is feral, and Buffy doesn't think she's ever seen anything more beautiful or sexy in her entire life. Faith's eyebrow twitches in amusement before she leans in, whispering against her lips, "And you didn't hear me say no."

Buffy groans at that mental image just as Faith's tongue invades her mouth, allowing Buffy to taste herself as her tongue slides around hers, drawing her in. Okay, she's_ definitely _going to tie Faith up one day… but right now she just needs to touch her. Her hands are everywhere and yet not enough places as she tries to feel every inch of her; relish in every perfection and flaw. Faith's fingers have started up an agonizingly slow pace inside of her and Buffy's breath comes out in short bursts against her lips. Buffy's hand slides further down, exploring, but then freezes when it comes to the scar that's tainted Faith's perfect abdomen. She doesn't know what to do.

"It's just skin," Faith whispers, trying to dodge the wrecking ball that could shatter this moment. She slides her hips up, making Buffy's hand slide down quickly to be consumed by her dripping core, knowing it'll prove to be a good distraction. Buffy moans, her fingers sliding further down of their own accord to slip inside of her, making Faith gasp hard, "Fuck!"

Buffy didn't forget about the scar, but she knows now isn't the time to cry over it. Faith's fingers have picked up the pace inside of her, the feeling of Buffy fucking her fueling her lust and passion. Her lips bruise Buffy's with the sheer force behind them and they pant, moan, gasp against each other's lips as they both work each other closer to the edge.

"Oh fuck… Buffy…" Faith breathes, her eyes shut tightly closed as her forehead rests against Buffy's, before crying out when Buffy's palm puts pressure on her clit. Every feeling she's ever had feels multiplied when she's with her; more pleasure, more pain, more love, more lust, more guilt, more passion. Faith exhales a shaky breath before kissing her again, needing her to feel it too, if only for a second.

"Oh Faith… oh god, _Faith_…" Buffy gasps with each thrust; each stroke that pushes her closer to oblivion. It's low enough that it's barely even audible, but Faith can hear every word clearly. Buffy's whispering to her; completely drowning in the feeling of making love to her, her arm wrapped around Faith's back like she's afraid to let her go, "Oh god, I need you…" her lips find Faith's and she whispers against them, "Baby I need you…"

Buffy's eyes flicker open to look at Faith, and Faith's follow suite shortly after. They're both breathless, slick with sweat and consumed by passion; each staring into each other's eyes. It's emotional, and it scares Faith with the intensity of it, but Buffy eyes are hinted with doubt and pleading as she touches Faith's cheek softly, her voice breaking slightly as she whispers, "Don't leave me after this… please Faith… I… I can't…"

"I'm not going to leave you," Faith breathes, her lips finding Buffy's again as her breath tickles over them as she says, "I promise…" It's said so quickly and so surely that it terrifies Faith, but it affords Buffy comfort, confidence, and the blonde kisses her with reckless abandon, her fingers doubling their speed so that all of Faith's fears fly out the window as she screams, pressing her own fingers against Buffy's g-spot as she can feel herself hovering on the brink.

"Fuck, B… Jesus _fucking _Christ…" she gasps before her orgasm hits her with no remorse; hard, fast, and utterly as she bites on Buffy's shoulder to muffle her screams. Buffy comes afterwards, Faith's name falling from her lips as her head spins and the world darkens around her as ecstasy pours from every inch of her being. It's the most incredible feeling either of them has ever had in their lives, and it leaves them breathless and spent, basking in the feeling of each other.

Buffy isn't sure when she drifted off to sleep, but when she wakes the next morning she realizes with surprise that she still has Faith on top of her. She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping; her walls and defenses down… with a lingering smile of contentment on her lips that Buffy kisses gently before willing herself back to sleep.

She's never letting Faith go.

**TBC…**


	9. The Morning After

**CHAPTER NINE  
****The Morning After**

Faith's in the shower when Buffy wakes up, trying to make sense of last night.

It wasn't just sex, she knows that. She'd be fuckin' stupid to think that is was; that it meant nothing to either of them besides getting off. They went on a date, for one, but for two… shit, that was probably the most intense fuck Faith's ever had in her life. It kind of freaks her out a little… or a lot, actually.

Her first instinct was to run when she woke up; always is. But she couldn't, and maybe that fucked with her head even more. She promised Buffy she wouldn't run; that she wouldn't leave her. Granted that came out in the heat of passion and in a whirlwind of mind-blowing, fucked up, emotional sex when they were pretty damn close to having an orgasm, so almost anything could be said under those circumstances, right?

But she meant it. Every single screwed up word of it.

Jesus. Is she in a relationship now? Okay, maybe she's going a little too fast here, but something is bugging her, tugging at her heart and making her stop and think about everything that's been going on: she's going to be leaving soon. And it… sucks.

Faith loves what she does, and she doesn't want to stop. It gives her a sense of pride and accomplishment, let alone allows her some small piece of redemption when she helps all of those girls. But she also feels like she finally got somewhere with Buffy, a place that she only used to dream about when she was younger… and of course it just has to have shitty timing. She doesn't know what to do about it, but she also has five days to figure that out.

God. The shit that can change in the span of forty eight hours, huh?

It felt too fast but also so god damn slow. It's been something that's been brewing for seven years now but it was a slow burn. Then suddenly the heat gets turned up and _wham!_ So fuckin' quick.

Faith runs her fingers through her hair under the stream of hot water and lets out a breath. She might not be in a relationship but she's definitely been tamed a little, that's for damn sure. She sighs, bending over to turn off the water. All of her muscles are sore from last night and the hot shower helped a lot, but it's not like she wants the soreness to go away completely. It makes her smile; knowing it was Buffy who fucked her into oblivion and not some random, faceless trick.

Faith pulls back the shower curtain and almost jumps out of her fucking skin when she see's Buffy standing in the threshold of the doorway in nothing but her bra and panties, looking at her. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, B! Warn a bitch next time," Faith exclaims, startled. "Damn."

Buffy smiles a little, teasing. "What happened to your Slayer senses?"

"Too damn early for those," Faith responds as she climbs out of the shower and grabs a towel, starting to dry off. She's very aware that Buffy is watching her intently, drinking in every bit of Faith that she can with her eyes. She smirks and looks over at her, "See somethin' ya like?"

"Yeah, but your big head is kind of blocking my view," Buffy responds, amused. Faith chuckles and wraps the towel around herself before she looks back at Buffy and things feel awkward again. Buffy's looking at her in a way she can't describe, she can only feel. She's also not sure if it's all good; some is, yeah, but another part…

"So, uh…" Faith starts, looking at the floor for a second before training her eyes back on the woman in front of her. "Ya wanna get… breakfast or somethin'? Not real sure what you do the morning after…"

Buffy smiles, Faith's inexperience in this area making her feel like she can finally teach her something. She shakes herself out of her 'wow Faith is amazing, but where the hell do we go from here?' mode and focuses on what's happening here and now. "Well first," she says slowly, walking over to her, "you kiss me good morning." She wraps her arms around Faith's neck and pulls her in for a soft, tender kiss that leaves both of them breathless just from the emotion behind it. When she pulls away after a moment she licks her bottom lip and smiles shyly, "And yes, breakfast would be good."

Buffy takes Faith's hand in hers and leads her out into the bedroom. She lies on the bed while Faith sits on the other side, grabbing the phone to dial for room service. "What do ya want?" she asks, looking over her shoulder at Buffy who's lying there with a smile of contentment on her face. Something about this moment is absolutely perfect.

"Whatever you want," she responds softly.

"Ya sure? Cause I eat some weird ass crap, just lettin' ya know."

Buffy tells her that whatever she orders is fine, and when Faith goes back to the phone she looks at the ceiling, wondering what the hell is going on. Well, she knows what's going on; she just doesn't know what it means. She does know though that when she gets back home today that she's going to have to talk to Satsu; break it off with her. She feels like such a bitch because she knows she's going to hurt her but she can't lead both of them on. Faith's who she wants right now, maybe has been what she's always wanted.

She wants to tell Faith about Satsu, to be honest with her… but she's so terrified of how she'll react. Faith's emotions have always been an unknown place for Buffy. She could haul off and hit Satsu, hit _her_, get broody and withdrawn, or just not care at all. Considering she only likes only one of those options, she doesn't like her odds. Besides… she really doesn't want to go ruining her perfect moment right now.

Buffy can hear Faith hang up the phone, but she's still lost in her thoughts until Faith flops down next to her on her stomach, looking down at her. "Food's gonna be a bit, but it'll get here," she tells her. Buffy just smiles a little, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's still too worried about everything that comes after this to be completely happy and carefree.

"Thanks."

"S'no big," Faith responds, crossing her arms and laying her head on them, still looking at Buffy. She's not real sure what they do now, so she just stays still. This is Buffy's territory, not hers. Kinda fucked how she's over-thinking everything, but shit like this makes her… nervous. If a situation makes her uncomfortable she's always just made sarcastic remarks or gotten pissed off, but something in her is screaming at her not to fuck this up. That this is some kinda doorway that's only gonna be open once so she better haul ass through it.

"Faith?" Buffy asks quietly, turning her head to look at the woman next to her.

"Yeah?"

Buffy moves so she's lying on her side, head propped up in her hand as she picks at the comforter between them. _Okay, breathe Buffy… it's just Faith. She's… okay she's kinda scary, but not right now. Look at her, she looks so… nervous?_ Okay, well, at least it isn't just her then. She lets her hand find Faith's, dusting her fingertips across the back of her hand. "Uh…" she starts, furrowing her eyebrows together, feeling a little stupid. "I know this is… fast, and maybe not the best time to be having this conversation but what are we… doing, exactly?"

"We're lyin' down," Faith says with a smirk, avoiding the question entirely even though she knows what she meant.

"Faith," Buffy says flatly.

"We fucked last night?"

"Why is that in the form of a question?" Buffy asks, confused. Then she gives her a disgruntled look, but also slightly embarrassed. "And we didn't just… _fuck _last night, Faith. We…"

"Had sex?" Faith offers.

Buffy looks at her pointedly, but Faith shakes her head.

"No way, don't even _think _the words or I'll break out in hives," Faith tells her, holding up her finger to stop her before she tells her that they _made love._

"You seriously believe you'll break out in hives if I say we—mffphh!" Buffy's sentence is cut off by Faith slapping a hand on her mouth.

"Ya tryin' to kill me?" Faith accuses, but she has a little teasing smirk on her lips. "Not to mention my rep. You spread that shit around and I'm done for; ain't lyin'." Buffy narrows her eyes and nips at the palm of Faith's hand. "Hey!" she exclaims, pulling her hand back.

Buffy sighs and lies back down on her back, looking up at the ceiling. "I guess it doesn't matter what we did, or what you call it," she says finally.

Faith's wary that she somehow won that round though, considering Buffy never lets her win at anything. Part of her doesn't wanna go into this whole conversation, but another part of her is screaming for her to; sayin' that she needs to just so she doesn't drive herself halfway insane later trying to figure it out herself. "Why?" she asks her.

"Because… does it even matter?" Buffy asks, feeling depressed all of a sudden. "I mean, what we did… does it even change anything?" Faith's still going to leave in the end; still going to leave her. Only this time she's going to leave a depressed and lonely Buffy who's probably going to take to eating three dozen quarts of ice cream and become content on dying alone.

God, she's dramatic this morning. Then again, everything with Faith has been dramatic. It's always been so much _more _with her; good or bad.

"I dunno, you tell me," Faith responds, feeling like she's the one who just screwed up Buffy's perfect world and therefore really doesn't have a say in how it turns out. Not like that's anything new anyway, she ain't ever had a say in anything when she's around the Scoobies, and especially around Buffy.

"I asked you first," Buffy says.

"What do ya want me to say?"

"Tell me if it changed anything," Buffy reiterates, looking at Faith like she's trying not to get her hopes up that it did.

"Of course it fuckin' did, B," Faith tells her like she should have figured it out for herself. "For fuck's sake, I took you on a _date._ Ya know you're the only one I've ever done that with, so something's already changed."

"I mean… now. After. What… what are we doing now?" Buffy asks her softly. "Has something changed that there can be an… after, with us? Or was that just it? Are we just going to walk out of this hotel room and pretend like it never happened?"

Faith takes a breath, sitting up so she can get some air. She really fuckin' doesn't like heavy conversations, mostly because she's freaked that she's gonna say something wrong, or say too much. It's different when she can just agree on feelings stuff, that way she doesn't have to be the one to say it first; lay it out there for everyone to poke and prod at. She can't handle that crap. If she says something that Buffy doesn't agree with then she… she fuckin' _knows _shit, y'know? Buffy can use it to hurt her later. So no, she isn't one to just share that type of crap.

Problem is, Buffy's having the same dilemma. She's terrified of telling Faith how she feels too, so basically they're getting nowhere fast.

"S'whatever ya want, I guess," Faith tells her, running her fingers through her hair.

"But I want to know what_ you_ want, Faith."

"Dunno what I want."

"Liar."

"Hey, you ain't exactly steppin' up and offerin' up the info either, Blondie," Faith snaps.

"I asked you first!" Buffy defends.

"Are we in grade school now? That ain't a valid reason," Faith retorts.

"Um, yes it is. Now just… answer, please?" Buffy asks, pleadingly. Faith sighs, shifting on the bed a little, trying to ease the uncomfortable feeling, but the problem is that it's in the air around them and has nothing to do with how she's sitting.

"I don't wanna forget, or pretend like it never happened, okay?" Faith answers quickly, defensively, but doesn't look her in the eye when she says it.

Buffy lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Well… good. I don't… I don't want to either," she tells her.

"Okay so… then it happened," Faith says slowly, not sure of what else she should say. They're both silent for a minute before Faith turns to look at her, asking, "So… what do ya want from me?" She needs to know that, if nothing else.

"What do you mean?"

"Like… am I just some bitch to screw when I'm around or…?" she trails off, not wanting to finish the question; voice it out loud. She'll take either option though, really.

"Or what?" Buffy asks softly.

Faith shakes her head. This is stupid. "Forget it."

"No, Faith… or what?" she questions, putting her hand on Faith's shoulder, trying to comfort her into telling her. It doesn't work.

"Nothin'."

"Faith…"

Faith shrugs Buffy's hand off of her, getting defensive. "I said it's nothin', B. Will ya drop it? Fuck." She gets off the bed, starting to walk away. She needs some breathing room.

"Are you asking if I want you to be my girlfriend?" Buffy asks, surprising even herself when it came out of her mouth. Faith stops; freezing. She doesn't turn around and Buffy's starting to freak out that she's inadvertently backing Faith into a corner. "Sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Yeah," Faith says softly, but still doesn't turn around. She folds her arms into herself and tells her, "S'what I was askin'."

"Oh," Buffy says, taken aback slightly that Faith actually admitted it. "Um… well, do you… want to be?" she asks carefully.

"I don't do relationships," Faith says flatly, the only answer that comes to mind because it's true. She _doesn't _do relationships, never has.

"You never dated either," Buffy points out quietly. "Until now."

Faith sighs, staring out the window. She got her there. "Yeah," she responds, just as quietly. This is too weird of a conversation. She can't have Buffy as her girl, right? That like… defies the laws of Physics or something. It's passionate between them, yeah, and the sex is… fuckin' amazing but it ain't like she could actually do right by Buffy in the long run. She just doesn't know how.

Buffy gets off the bed, crossing over to stand behind Faith. She wraps her arms around her torso, leaning her head on her shoulder. She knows this is starting to freak Faith out, and it's freaking her out too. "We don't have to talk about it," she whispers. "It's just… stupid titles anyway. We can just… _be, _if you want."

"Be?"

"You know, like… just do what feels right. If we start making everything titley and weird then things will get too heavy and I don't think I can handle that right now," Buffy tells her honestly, looking out the window with Faith. She can feel Faith start to relax into her, feeling a little better.

"Yeah, me either," Faith tells her quietly. She turns her head to look at Buffy, and the blonde smiles softly and leans in to kiss her.

"I still want more dates though," Buffy tells her with an amused, but challenging look. Faith laughs a little.

"S'fine. Already know what I gotta do. No bugs, no horseshit, and I need to let ya ogle the goodies; ain't too hard to satisfy ya, Twinkie."

"Mmm… not for you, no," Buffy purrs, sliding around to face Faith before wrapping her arms around her neck. She leans up a bit on her toes to kiss her, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling of just _being _with Faith.

…Until a loud _crack!_ is heard through the room, making them jump apart and into a fighting stance at the intrusion.

"Willow?!" Buffy asks, eyes wide at the witch who appeared in the middle of their hotel room.

"Goddess!" Willow exclaims, holding up her hands to shield her eyes from Faith's nudity; the towel she was wearing having dropped to the floor when they jumped apart, ready to fight. Faith sighs, annoyed, and picks up the towel off the floor, wrapping it around her.

"The hell are ya doin' here, Red?" Faith asks.

"Trying to find _you!"_ Willow exclaims, and now that her hands are down, safe from Faith's naked form, she looks pissed. "We called you guys like fifty times last night! We thought something horrible happened, but nope! You two have just been shacking up all night without a care in the world, haven't you?"

"Oh god," Buffy says, fear coloring her voice. If they called her that many times then something bad happened, something _really _bad happened. "Who died?!"

"No one died, but Satsu came pretty darn close! She's in the infirmary right now, I had to heal a mortal wound but she's still really banged up, Buffy!" Willow exclaims, furious.

"Is she going to be alright?!" Buffy asks, scared like hell now. She has to get home; she has to check on Satsu, make sure she's alright. Fuck, this is all her fault.

"Yeah, eventually," Willow snaps. "And why didn't you answer your phone? Do you have any idea how badly you scared everyone by not coming home last night, not even bothering to call? Not answering _our _calls?!"

Suddenly Buffy feels like she's living with her mother again.

"I…" Buffy starts, then her face colors in confusion. "Where _is _my phone?" She couldn't even remember the last time she had it, but she knows she doesn't have it now; she would have heard it otherwise. She looks over at Faith, who shrugs.

"I think ya said somethin' about it fallin' in the toilet last night, but you were kinda outta it so I dunno."

"The... toilet?"

"At the club."

"The…" How the hell did she manage to do that? "And hey! Why the hell don't you have _your_ phone on you?" Buffy accuses, like this is Faith's fault when it's entirely hers and she knows it.

"Demon smashed the last one I had, gotta get another," Faith answers. Well damn, that didn't help either.

Buffy feels like she just got hit with a freight train of guilt. She left Satsu to do _her _job while she ran off with Faith and got drunk and had sex all night long. This is her fault; she should have been the one to deal with whatever it was that Satsu faced, not off all willy-nilly with her new quasi-girlfriend. God, she is such a bitch.

"Buffy…" Willow says, looking at her like she's about to lay out the same guilt she's already feeling.

"Don't, Will. Please… I already know," Buffy says, regret in her voice, as she runs her fingers through her hair. She starts gathering up her clothes around the room before pulling them on, wishing her heart didn't feel like a ton of bricks. Date over, obviously. She looks up a Faith, "Get dressed, we gotta go."

"You go with Red, my Harley's still outside. I'll get there later," Faith tells her, watching Buffy's pained expressed. She wants to reach out and comfort her (though she's not really sure how to even go about doing that), but Willow being in the room is making everything a little more awkward. Faith knows that she knows that they went on a date; she saw them in Buffy's room before they left after all, but it's still… weird. She ain't ever been close to Willow and she really doubts that Buffy's best friend thinks that she's a suitable match for her.

Buffy pulls on her shoes and stands up, coming over to Faith. She pulls her in for a soft kiss before giving her a small, but sad, smile, "I'll see you later." Faith nods as she watches Buffy walks over to Willow, grabbing her hand.

Buffy looks back at Faith, trying to tell her that she's sorry with her eyes, but she doesn't know if Faith noticed because all of a sudden she's in the hotel room one minute and the next she feels like her insides are getting ripped out and replaced upside down before she lands in the living room of the castle. She groans and holds her stomach, feeling like she's going to puke. God, she hates teleporting.

"Buffy!" Giles exclaims, almost spilling tea on himself as she and Willow appear in front of him. "Good heavens, where have you been? Where's Faith?"

Buffy holds up her finger, needing a minute to try to fight down the nausea. She takes a couple breaths before she tells him, "We got too drunk to drive back last night. Faith's fine, she's riding her motorcycle here." Damn, her stomach still feels queasy.

"Why didn't either of you answer your phones? That is terribly irresponsible of you both and—"

"Giles, seriously. I feel like I'm going to vomit, can you maybe save the lecture for later?" Buffy snaps. She's still bitter when it comes to Giles. Things are a little better between them, but not by much. She shakes her head, the guilt she's feeling making her voice crack, "I need to go find Satsu." That's what's important.

Buffy starts walking away, feeling her throat tighten and her chest become heavy. She feels horrible about what happened. And now she's going to go in there, look at Satsu; her wounds, her pride broken… and know it was all her fault. Fuck, she can't handle this.

"Buffy," Willow calls after her as Buffy exists the room and starts walking down the hell to the infirmary. "Buffy!"

Buffy stops, turning around quickly, upset written all over her face. "What? What could you possibly say that's going to make me feel worse, Willow?"

"Buffy…" Willow says softly, trying to comfort her, seeing how distraught she is over this.

"How am I supposed to do this?" Buffy asks, her voice broken. She's on the verge of tears and Willow looks at her sadly, wrapping her arms around her. Buffy feels one tear sneak out as she lays her head on her friend's shoulder, holding onto her. "How am I supposed to go in there and tell her that she got hurt because I was too busy fucking _another woman?!"_ she cries, more tears squeezing their way out of her eyes.

"Oh, Buffy…" Willow says softly, sympathetically. She releases her and takes her hand, pulling her into another room so they have more privacy. Willow closes the door behind them and Buffy wipes at the tears in her eyes furiously, a choked sob escaping.

"This is all my fault…" she whispers.

"You didn't know that this was going to happen," Willow tries, but Buffy isn't listening. All the guilt is eating at her; consuming her.

"I can't do this," she tells her, sitting heavily in a chair. She puts her head in her hands and groans. "God, I can't do this… I was supposed to tell her… but I… I…"

Willow crosses the room to sit next to her, putting a hand on her leg comfortingly. "Your date with Faith went well, then?" she asks softly.

"It was… perfect," Buffy says, sniffing before another tear falls down her cheek. God, even saying _that _makes her feel guilty. She shakes her head and says, "I need to tell Satsu but I… I can't do that to her, Will. Not right now… not when she's already hurt because of me…"

"I don't know what to tell you," Willow says, regrettably. She doesn't know what she would do in that situation either. "I'm sorry…"

"When's the right time to break someone's heart?" Buffy asks softly, looking at Willow like she needs her to have all the answers.

"I don't think there is a right time for that, Buffy. But you need to… maybe not today, not in the state Satsu is already in but you have to, you know that…"

"I know," Buffy says quietly. Her face masks of distress and anger and she puts her head in her hands again, her fingers outstretched like she's going a little crazy. "God, I am such a selfish _bitch!"_

"No, you're not. You just made a couple bad decisions, that's all."

"Yeah, decisions that have already hurt Satsu, are going to end up hurting her more and if Faith… if she finds out… God, it's gonna kill her too…"

"Maybe you should tell Faith, at least," Willow offers.

Buffy shakes her head and says frantically, "No, I can't do that. It's gonna screw up everything, I know it will. I have to break up with Satsu first but I just… I can't walk in there and break her heart right now. I just _can't."_

Willow doesn't say anything because she has no idea what the right thing to say is. Buffy sighs heavily, wiping away her tears before she stands up. "I need to go see her," she says softly. Willow nods.

Buffy swallows, feeling horrible. She turns to look at Willow, "You'll be around for a best friend hug and cry later, right?" she asks, trying to give her a small smile but it barely comes out.

Willow nods and Buffy wraps her arms into herself before turning towards the door. God, she doesn't know if she can do this; go in there and see all the damage that she caused Satsu. Everything about this is entirely her fault; her fault for being stupid, selfish, secretive… and it's eating her up inside.

**TBC…**


	10. A Little White Lie

**CHAPTER TEN  
****A Little White Lie**

Buffy isn't sure if she can do this.

She's standing outside the door to the infirmary, one hand on the door handle, trying to get up the courage to open it. But it's been a whole five minutes and yet she's still standing outside like a coward. She doesn't think she can go in there and see how banged up Satsu is without breaking down, blubbering like a fool, and then spilling her guts about the real reason she was gone. She's going to feel guilty, she already _does_ feel guilty and she wants to be honest; best policy after all, right? But getting it off of her chest right now wouldn't do Satsu any good.

It would only do _her _good, make _her_ feel better; it'd be selfish.

Satsu didn't deserve this. Buffy tried to tell her that everyone she gets involved with either gets hurt or killed, but she didn't listen. Just like she knows Faith won't listen even if she tried to tell her the same thing. But Faith understands her life; has been around for so much longer. Satsu is so young, so eager… _such_ a good lover, and not even just in the bedroom department. She's caring, attentive, sweet… and she deserves someone who isn't going to use her.

And probably someone who isn't in—_lust!_ Lust… with someone else too, because that isn't right.

When Satsu is better… she'll tell her. But only when she's better; when she can handle it.

Or maybe it's when Buffy can handle it, which definitely isn't now. Crap, she's back at the whole selfish thing. Should she tell her? She could sit here and weigh out the pros and cons but then she'd probably be here forever, and she's already looking like an idiot just standing here, waiting for her hand to get the memo that she needs to open the damn—

"Ah!" Buffy screeches in surprise at the door suddenly opening. If it wasn't for her Slayer reflexes it probably would have knocked her clean out, but she jumped away just in time as Krista emerged, looking at her with that strange smile on her face that creeps Buffy out to no end.

"Hello," she says in a wistful voice. "Have you come to receive healing?"

"Err… no," Buffy says, looking at her a little funny. There's something seriously off about this girl, though she was providing Buffy with a much needed distraction, which she was thankful for. "I was just… going to check on Satsu. Is she awake? Because if she's not I should probably just come back later…"

"She's singing," Krista says with a smile as she plays with her fingers like they're the most fascinating thing she's ever seen.

Is she on drugs? Maybe Buffy should start ordering mandatory drug tests; she does house a bunch of teenagers after all.

"Singing?" Buffy asks. Satsu doesn't sing… does she?

"Mmm… she's singing praise of life and love," Krista tells her, though seems a little lost in her own world. "The angels saved her."

Yes, drug tests are mandatory starting today.

"Right… I'm just gonna…" Buffy trails off, pointing at the infirmary rather awkwardly as she backs away from Krista. The girl just smiles at her before Buffy turns, walking into the room with her eyes a bit wide. Okay so, yeah… she's going to have to talk to Satsu about how well Krista did on patrol tonight because right now she's a little worried about crazy slayers and pointy objects.

But her thoughts shift quickly from crazy slayers to Satsu in a matter of a second once her brain seems to stop avoiding the reality of the situation. Taking to Satsu about Krista isn't even in the realm of her thoughts anymore as she looks around the infirmary and is reminded of how much she hates hospitals. It's not exactly a hospital per se, but there are still white walls, the obnoxious curtains that separate the beds… it's close enough.

She needs to talk to Xander about painting this room a happier color. Something that doesn't scream, "Hey, you might die in here!"

Buffy starts walking slowly down through the aisles of empty beds and the nurse on duty gives her a comforting smile and a brief head nod, motioning to around the corner. Buffy seems to be holding her breath as she rounds said corner and comes face to face with Satsu lying on the bed nearest to the back, eyes closed as she tries to get some much needed rest.

Buffy tries to stop it, but a little gasp escapes her lips as she looks at the younger slayer on the bed. Her hand comes up to her mouth just as Satsu's eyes open to look up at her, and Buffy feels herself breaking a little. Bruises litter the girl's tiny frame; dark, angry looking welts that are in different stages of coloring. Her arm is in a sling and a gash on her forehead looks like it just got stitched up. Buffy's fingers are trembling as she stares at her, no words able to be emitted as the guilt slaps her across the face, the sting from it flowing through her entire body.

"Hey," Satsu greets her with a small smile, her voice a bit hoarse.

Buffy swallows, walking over to her slowly. Her fingers are still trembling, her mouth still hanging open in horror at what her selfishness did. The worst part about it was that she knew that this _wasn't_ the worst of it. All of the blood had been cleaned up, all of her wounds attended too. Buffy can't even imagine how she looked before this.

"Satsu… I am _so_ sorry…" Buffy chokes out finally, tears welling up in her eyes. She tries to blink them back but one falls down her cheek slowly.

Satsu looks a little taken aback by Buffy crying – she knew Buffy cared, but she never thought enough to shed tears over her. She always goes on and on about how if you're going to fight a battle people are bound to get hurt. She's detached herself from it since becoming head of an army, and though she's sleeping with Satsu, the younger girl never thought it would hold much more baring than that.

"I'm fine," she tries to reassure her, but Buffy sniffs, wiping away another tear that fell down her cheek. "Really, Buffy, it's just a scratch. I'll be fine in a couple days."

"You could have died…" Buffy whispers, looking distraught. "I am so sorry… this is all my fault."

"Willow exaggerated, she freaked out a little when she saw me. Really Buffy, I'm okay… see?" Satsu says, then picks herself off the bed with her good arm to sit up completely. She winces a bit from her bruises, but otherwise tries to act completely normal for Buffy's sake. "And it's not your fault," she adds.

Buffy scoffs bitterly, "How can you say that? I was the one who was supposed to be out there! This wasn't your responsibility tonight! I should be the one lying in that bed, not you!"

"You wouldn't be in this bed because you would have never let a demon get the upper hand like I did," Satsu tells her pointedly. "The fault is entirely my own, Buffy. And if Krista hadn't have jumped in when she did—"

"Wait," Buffy says, looking surprised by that revelation of information. "Krista…? She killed the demon?"

Satsu nods. "Jumped in and sliced it's head off." Buffy looks surprised and then Satsu adds with an odd look on her face, "And then she insisted she bury it and give it a proper funeral to cleanse it's soul."

"It's a demon; it's soulless," Buffy says, confused.

Satsu shrugs, but then winces from moving her broken arm. "Yeah, well don't tell that to her. She thinks everything deserves to go to Heaven no matter their sins. I think she's insane, but she's an amazing swordsman and right now I owe her my life, so if she wants to give demons funerals then I'm inclined to let her."

Fair enough.

"You still… you still shouldn't have been out there," Buffy tells her, another wave of guilt passing through her.

"I would have been out there no matter what. I was originally supposed to be in your patrol group."

"Yeah but this wouldn't have happened if I was there!" Buffy bursts out; angry and upset, mostly at herself, a little at the rest of the world and a tiny bit at Faith for being so damn… _Faith-like_ and irresistible.

"It isn't your job to protect me, Buffy. I'm a Slayer too… and I messed up. It won't happen again."

"It _is_ my job to protect you, Satsu! It's my job to protect all of you!"

"You aren't our hero; you're our teacher," Satsu tells her, fire in her own eyes from Buffy burdening herself with a responsibility that she shouldn't bear. "We didn't come to you for protection, we came to be trained."

"It doesn't matter! The fact is that this happened because I stupidly thought I could be a normal person for once instead of being a Slayer!" Buffy exclaims loudly.

"You can be both."

"Yeah, because that's worked out so well for me in the past," Buffy scoffs bitterly. She shakes her head, sniffing back the rest of her tears before running her shaky fingers through her hair. Satsu reaches out to her and Buffy looks at her sadly before taking her hand, allowing the younger girl to guide her down to sit next to her on the bed.

"I'm fine, Buffy. I promise," Satsu tells her softly. "Don't beat yourself up because you wanted to have a night off. Accidents happen."

"But I should have—" Buffy starts, but is interrupted when Satsu's lips meet hers. More guilt hits her like a ton of bricks in the face but she reciprocates, knowing neither of them is ready for the conversation she needs to have with her.

When they break Satsu tells her, "I'll work harder; train harder. This won't happen again." Buffy just looks at her sadly and Satsu brushes a piece of blonde hair away from Buffy's face before cupping her cheek lightly; lovingly. Buffy's heart breaks in half.

"B?"

Buffy jumps away from Satsu quickly at the sound of Faith's voice from around the corner, making Satsu gasp in pain from the sudden movement. Buffy looks guilty and mouths, "I'm sorry," just as Faith rounds the corner and spots them. She gives Buffy a little smile, almost shy… but Faith doesn't do shy, right? Before Buffy can contemplate too much on the matter though, Faith looks at Satsu.

"Sup, Yuri? Ya look more held together than I thought you would be with the way Red was freakin'."

Satsu shrugs lightly. "She exaggerated. I'll be fine."

Faith's eyes sweep over Satsu's form and takes her in; every cut, every bruise. The girl's tough, she can see that. She also can see that Willow did exaggerate a little, but not by much. If the chick didn't have Slayer healing, she probably wouldn't be conscious right now.

"You'll be kickin' ass again in about a week, probably," Faith says, nodding her agreement.

"Can't wait," Satsu says with a little smirk. "I still haven't been able to take you up on your offer of sparring."

Buffy does not like the mental picture that arises in her head at that. Faith and Satsu sparring is a bad idea. Faith would say things, Satsu would say things back… and then it'd turn into a fight for real. So, no. Buffy is nixing that plan.

Faith's eyes twinkle and she smirks back. "Better give yourself two weeks before you attempt that, Junior. No way ya could keep up at only half form."

"No one is sparring with anyone," Buffy says firmly. Both Satsu and Faith look at her, a little annoyed.

"Ya ain't the boss of me," Faith tells her.

"I can take Faith," Satsu objects.

"In your dreams, Yellow Ranger," Faith laughs, but it's playful. Buffy rolls her eyes.

"Did you seriously just call her the yellow Power Ranger? You need therapy."

"You'd be the pink one," Faith says, snickering. "All valley girl and shit."

"There's only two women so who would you be, one of the guy ones?" Satsu asks, amused by this conversation. It took her mind of her pain at least. Buffy laughs at that.

Faith scoffs. "Please, I'd be Zordon. I _made_ you bitches," she brushes her shoulder off in the most ridiculous way that makes both girls snort and makes Buffy forget why the three of them in one room should be awkward… until Faith moves closer to Buffy, sticking her hand in her back pocket, "Besides, think he always had a thing for the pink one." She winks at Buffy whose eyes go wide and she backs away from Faith, coughing awkwardly.

"He's still a guy_ and_ wasn't he a floating head in a jar? You're still low in the points column for that," Buffy says, avoiding.

"It wasn't a fuckin' _jar, _B. Besides, he still made them all and therefore… I'm the shit," Faith says, trying not to let Buffy's strange behavior bother her. But then again, maybe Buffy isn't ready to jump around and wave rainbow flags about what happened. Shit takes some getting used to, she guesses.

Satsu watches both of their behavior curiously, wondering what exactly went on during their little outing. She knows she has no right to be jealous; Buffy isn't really _hers_ after all, but didn't Faith say she was over Buffy? Maybe she's reading too much into it though.

Buffy seems to notice Satsu scrutinizing though so she gives her a small smile, trying to show her nothing weird is going on and then tells Faith, "We should go; let Satsu get some rest."

Faith shrugs, "Alright. Itchin' to do some trainin' anyway." She gives a head nod to Satsu. "You're cool?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Buffy's right; I should sleep. I'll heal faster that way."

Buffy gives Satsu a small smile and tells her, "I'll check on you later, okay?" Satsu nods.

When they leave the infirmary, Buffy turns to Faith and says, "We need to talk…" She needs to let Faith know that there cannot be any obvious sexual or romantic indications between them in public. She doesn't need the whole world knowing her business and even beyond that, she doesn't need Satsu knowing before she has a chance to tell her.

Faith cocks an eyebrow, keeping her cool demeanor, "Figured."

Buffy purses her lips together, nodding to the stairs. "Come up to my room?" Faith just shrugs, her signature indifference, but Buffy starts walking up to her room, knowing she'll follow. When they get there Buffy closes the door behind her and Faith sits down on her bed, leaning back on her elbows.

"So?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way…" Buffy starts, walking over to her. Faith scoffs.

"Yeah, great way to start a sentence, B."

"No, I'm serious. Please let me finish before you start getting all moody and defensive, okay?" Buffy asks, sitting next to her on the bed. She takes one of Faith's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together and looking up at her with a look of pleading on her face. Faith sighs.

"Fine."

Buffy licks her lips a little nervously, knowing she's going to have to mention all the good before she starts on the bad; cushion the blow or something. But spilling her heart to Faith was easier done in the secluded place of their hotel room; here it's too… real. It makes her realize that everything that happened really did happen and wasn't a figment of her imagination. But she needs to tell her this so she puts on a smile and squeezes Faith's hand lightly.

"Last night was… completely amazing. Really, it was," she starts.

"But?" Faith interrupts.

"Faith, please… just let me finish okay?" Buffy asks, pleading and yet annoyed at the same time. Faith just grunts something in response, obviously trying to pretend like she has no feelings either way. Buffy's gotten better at seeing through the façade of her defenses though.

Buffy takes a breath and continues, "And I would… I'd really like if we could continue to do this; whatever this is. I mean, you make me feel…" she blushes a little as she admits, "more alive than I think I've ever felt in my entire life."

Faith blinks at her, stunned a little at that admission. Sure, Buffy had sex with her and sure, Faith's not stupid and knows that that obviously means more to Buffy than it would to, say, _her. _Well, alright, that ain't completely true. Sex with everyone _else _always meant nothing to Faith. Sex with Buffy… that fuckin' meant something. That meant a whole lotta something. But it's still kinda fucked that it would mean that much to Buffy too.

"It was pretty fuckin' hot," Faith admits with a smirk. Buffy rolls her eyes.

"Thank you, Mistress of Romance," she says dryly. Buffy chews on her lower a lip for a moment though, before she tells her, "But I… I guess I'm not ready for the whole world to know yet."

There's the 'but' Faith was waiting for.

Buffy quickly tells her though, "It's not that I'm ashamed or scared, it's nothing like that, okay? But we're still trying to figure out what this," she points between them, "is, and I just don't want everyone else jumping in with their two cents before we can even figure it out ourselves. Do you understand?"

Faith lets out a breath and then shrugs. "Yeah, I get what you're sayin'. Guess I ain't lookin' for people to be all up in my business right now either."

Buffy smiles before leaning over to kiss her softly on the lips. Her eyes flutter shut and all the feelings that Faith gives her runs rampant through her body and she sighs in contentment before she breaks. "Thank you," she whispers against her lips.

"Hey, I get it. Findin' out you're a huge dyke has gotta freak ya out a little," Faith says with a smirk. Buffy rolls her eyes and lets go of Faith's hand to push her lightly.

"Shut up! I'm so not a dyke; they have crew cuts and ramble on about cars and other mechanical things that would completely ruin my manicure."

"B, ya haven't gotten your nails done in years," Faith points out, looking at Buffy's hands. Buffy makes a face and closes her hands into fists, hiding her imperfect nails from Faith's gaze.

"Hey, it's not my fault I have to wield battle axes and stuff. After so many broken nails you kind of get tired of trying," Buffy defends.

"Ya just got lazy," Faith teases.

"I did _not!"_ Buffy exclaims, then pushes Faith a little harder and giggle as her back lands flat on the bed. Buffy climbs on top of her, "Take it back."

"Nah, still stickin' with you being a big huge bull dyke with chipped nail polish," Faith says chuckling as she looks up at her.

"If anyone's a bull dyke it's you with your leather pants and misogynistic attitude," Buffy tells her, smirking. Faith scoffs disbelievingly.

"I ain't misogynistic!"

"Oh yeah, what's your 'get some, get gone' theory then?" Buffy counters.

"A lifestyle. Besides, I did that with men too, not just with chicks. If I'm a woman hating asshole then I'm a man hating asshole too."

"Or just an asshole," Buffy offers, but it's teasing and Faith knows it so she flips her off, smirking. Buffy smiles and rolls off of her to lay next to her on the bed, propping her head up with her hand as she looks down at her.

"Yeah well that shit's dead now. Stuck around till morning, didn't I?" Faith says.

"Yeah… you did," Buffy says softly, playing with the hem of Faith's shirt idly with a big, stupid grin on her face. She looks up at her and tells her, "I'm happy you stayed Faith."

"Yeah well, it was really for the breakfast food. Which by the way was great, since ya had to run off without eatin' it," Faith jokes. Buffy pinches her arm softly and Faith yelps, pushing her lightly. "Fuckin' abuser."

"Can't you say anything sweet to me?" Buffy asks, pouting a little.

"Like what? 'Your hair's like the sun' or some other crap like that?" Faith asks. "Ya want a damn poem?" Buffy rolls her eyes.

"_No._ I mean about… your feelings; what made you happy… with us," Buffy says, feeling a little shy and lame that she's asking Faith about that. She knows Faith doesn't do sappy, but damnit if anyone's going to be the one to break her, it'll be Buffy.

Faith shrugs, feeling self conscious. She doesn't usually talk about stuff like this. "I dunno. I liked that thing with your tongue ya did last night," she says, wiggling her eyebrows. That earns her another smack on the arm.

"Faith, come on… just say one _tiny_ little romantic thing to me and I promise I'll make it worth it."

Faith raises her eyebrows, smirking. "Oh yeah? How?"

"Whatever you want."

"Don't say that; that's playing in dangerous territory," Faith warns with a grin.

Buffy blushes but says calmly, "I think I can handle anything you throw at me."

"Even if I asked for a strip tease?" Faith teases, knowing it'll make Buffy embarrassed. Just as she thought, Buffy turns about ten shades of red and Faith snickers. "Face it B, ya can't win this game and you're not gonna turn me into a sap."

Buffy narrows her eyes. "Fine... _fine._ Be romantic for thirty seconds and I'll give you a thirty second strip tease."

"No deal. In thirty seconds all you've be able to take off is your shoes."

Buffy rolls her eyes. "Fine, be romantic for thirty seconds and I'll let you feel me up while before we have to go train the other Slayers in…" she looks over at the digital clock on the bedside table, "fifteen minutes." She knows the way to Faith's heart is through her pussy, so she's willing to compromise with sexual… _situations._

Faith groans. "Fifteen minutes?" She was looking forward to training before, but now she's got Buffy in bed and that kinda takes precedence.

"Mhm. So get to the mushy," Buffy says, smiling excitedly.

"Ya know I could probably feel ya up anyway without havin' to admit sappy shit, right?" Faith asks with a raised eyebrow; a challenge. Buffy pouts.

"Come on." She knows she could, but she won't give Faith the satisfaction of knowing that. One kiss from Faith and she'd let her hands wander wherever she wanted them to go. However she would like to keep the illusion that she isn't a completely horny mess when around her, so she avoids.

Faith sighs in defeat, "Fine." If this is part of being in a… whatever they're doing… and it makes Buffy happy then she'll try. She chews on her bottom lip for a minute in silence before she looks back over at Buffy. "Alright, first, if I say this, you never repeat it to anyone under penalty of a severe ass beatin'."

Buffy's starting to get that any and all romance comes with a violence warning label attached.

"Deal," Buffy says, excited. The only time Faith ever said anything romantic to her was when they were drunk and she even had to drag it out of her then. But she knows from experience that it's worth it. So she smiles and waits for Faith to try to figure out a way to voice her feelings.

"This is gonna sound so fuckin' stupid," Faith mumbles, rolling her eyes at herself.

"Please?" Buffy asks softly, prodding her gently. Faith sighs.

"Fine. Okay. So this is wicked retarded but… I dunno." She takes a breath as she gathers her thoughts. "Virginity is supposed to be this big deal, right? Mine never was so I never really fuckin' got it I guess… until you." Buffy looks confused because she's not a virgin and Faith _definitely_ isn't either, so she's not sure where she's going with this. But she's silent as Faith continues, "But… I guess I kinda like that ya lost your lesbian one with me. That, I dunno, ya trusted me enough to be your first time. Cause that seems like somethin' that'd be important to you."

Buffy's stomach drops to the floor.

"I know it's stupid as hell cause 'lesbian virginity'; I dunno if that even counts, but yeah… there's your sappy moment: it made me happy." She rolls her eyes at herself again and then looks at Buffy who tries like hell to smile and act like everything's fine.

She leans down and kisses Faith softly before whispering, "I'm glad that it was with you, Faith…" She didn't know what else to do, what else to_ say_ besides lie. That's something that makes Faith happy and she's not going to take that away from her.

Besides, a little white lie never hurt anyone… right?

**TBC…**


	11. An Unexpected Visitor

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
****An Unexpected Visitor**

"Faith, I think maybe we should—"

"Shh."

"But, this isn't exactly—"

"Do ya want everyone to hear us?"

"No, but—oh _fuck,_ okay… Faith… we… _oh my god."_

Buffy stopped protesting after that. After all, Faith's hand was in her underwear with her fingers teasing her clit in a way that already had her panting softly into the stillness of the night. Granted, this probably wasn't one of their better ideas, seeing as they were in the middle of a graveyard with a bunch of other Slayers wandering around looking for something to kill. Buffy said the word to split up and they did, though made sure to stay within yelling range of one another – hence Faith trying to shush her with pretty much little to no success.

"Bite on my shoulder," Faith whispers in her ear, hearing Buffy's panting become louder each passing second as the pleasure rises within her. Buffy whimpers, her fingers digging into Faith's back as the brunette presses her flat against the mausoleum and more into the shadows. Buffy bites down as instructed, but as Faith's fingers slide into her she emits a loud moan that's barely stifled by her mouth being gagged.

It's been like this for the last four days; them constantly having sex. Faith's leaving tomorrow and instead of talking about what's going to happen between them they've both been avoiding it by spending as much naked time together as they could. Well, Buffy's_ tried_ to bring it up, but it always ends with wandering hands in naughty places and well, that thought ends up going completely out the window.

Buffy also probably should have known better than to try to bring it up right after they just killed one big ass demon, seeing as she's known about Faith's H&H theory for years now, but time was running out. But once again; wandering hands in naughty places though and, well….

Buffy's pants are halfway down her thighs and the cold stone she's leaning against makes her shiver from being in direct contact with her bare skin. She can tell Faith's trying to be quick now, knowing that trying to keep Buffy quiet was like trying to make a cat in heat shut up; it just was never going to happen. Faith's fingers plunge in and out of her and Buffy shuts her eyes tightly closed as she rocks her hips almost violently against her, needing the release.

"Come for me… come all over my fuckin' fingers baby," Faith breathes into her ear and Buffy's clit twitches in response as her muscles clench around her fingers, pulling her in deeper. She cries out, the sound still being audible through her biting just as Faith's thumb finds her clit. It's over almost instantly after that; Buffy holding onto Faith like her life depended on it while she rides out her orgasm in the middle of the cemetery.

"Jesus," Buffy breathes out, but it's all she can breathe out before Faith's lips crash against hers, the brunette's breathing still ragged. Buffy knows she has to do this quickly so she tries to collect herself the best she can as her fingers flick open the buttons on Faith's pants, not even bothering to pull up her own. Faith pushes her pants down herself, panting into Buffy's mouth as she grabs her hand and pulls it between her legs, groaning softly against her lips at the blonde's touch.

"Jesus Faith, you're—" _soaked._

"Fuck me, Buffy," Faith breathes before her lips fall to her neck, Buffy's fingering slipping through her folds and finding her hard nub, building her up as quickly as possible.

Faith's easy to fuck once you know how she operates, which Buffy is thankful she learned quickly. Faith is all about being taken hard, rough, and passionately. Her clit isn't super sensitive so Buffy has to put forth a lot more effort into it, but if she touches her in just the right way she can have Faith pop her cork almost instantaneously.

Buffy's fingers tangle in Faith's hair and she pulls just hard enough to make Faith emit a growl against the skin of her neck. Buffy can feel her hot bursts of breath tickling her ear and though Faith is able to be almost silent the entire time, she can feel she's getting close by how hard her grip is on Buffy's hip and the slight twitches of her hips.

"Well, this is new."

"_Fuck,"_ Faith gasps just as she comes, slamming her hand into the mausoleum wall just as a voice is heard behind her. Buffy seems to be frozen in place, looking past her in horror and Faith growls, unhappy at being interrupted even though she came. Which, let's be honest, whoever the fuck is behind her should be thankful for.

Faith's growl seems to snap Buffy out of her daze though and she jumps away from Faith, frantically pulling up her jeans as she exclaims, "Kennedy!"

Well, Faith wasn't expecting _that._

Faith turns around just as she pulls up her pants, not at all caring that she's flashing Kennedy at this point. Kennedy does look down, cocking an eyebrow before she looks back up at her, that stupid little smirk on her face as Faith buttons them. "Sup, K? Thought you were supposed to be in New York," Faith asks casually, trying to hide her smile, though mostly for Buffy's sake. She might be annoyed that Kennedy interrupted shit, but she's the only person Faith's ever really been close enough to call a friend, so having her back was a good thing in her book.

Not in Buffy's though.

"What the _hell _are you doing here?" Buffy hisses at the same time as Faith's question, her face bright red at her embarrassment at being caught.

"Hi to you too Buffy, I'm fine by the way, thank you for asking," Kennedy says snidely, then looks at Faith since she was the one being civil. "And I was, but Willow asked me to come back. Vi's taking over top dog duties for the week while I'm gone."

"Wait, Willow asked you to come here?" Buffy asks, sounding surprised. Willow didn't mention this to her. Why wouldn't she mention something as important as that to _her?_

"That's what I said," Kennedy reiterates. Then she points between them, "You two do realize that there are about five other Slayers around her wandering like lost puppies while you two bang like bunnies in heat, right? Which, by the way…" she holds up her fist to Faith who smirks and bumps it. Buffy slaps Faith's arm in irritation. She is not going to watch Faith and Kennedy do their 'guy' bonding thing in front of her, it's just annoying. And they're both women, so guy bonding is just… stupid. Damnit.

"They're fully capable of taking care of themselves," Buffy defends hastily, since she knows that neither Faith nor herself should have left them on their own, even if they are within yelling range. "They're Slayers, Kennedy. All of them."

"Yeah well, I had to help out two of them take out a couple of vamps, which I'm guessing you didn't know was going on," Kennedy says flatly. She leads her own team now and she knows what it's like to be a leader, and while screwing around in the graveyard is always bound to be a fun time, you don't leave your team to fend without you.

Buffy shoves Faith hard in irritation, even though she's mostly just irritated by the entire situation; the girls, Faith leaving,_ Kennedy_, "I told you we shouldn't have done that!"

"Hey, watch you're fuckin' hands, B. The troops survived, didn't they?" Faith asks, annoyed at being shoved around.

"That's not the point!" Buffy bursts out. "You only did it to avoid talking to me anyway, which is complete crap and I'm sick of it! Whether you like it or not Faith we actually have to have a discussion before you leave tomorrow!"

"B…"

"I'm going to go round up the girls; don't get into any trouble that I'm gonna have to bail your ass out of," Buffy snaps as she storms off around the corner, leaving Faith and Kennedy to just stare after her.

"You'd think an orgasm would mellow her out a little," Kennedy says, watching her go. Faith just sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. She does know it's her fault, that they shouldn't have been fuckin' around when on patrol but she just doesn't wanna have that inevitable conversation. Once they have that shit's like… _final._ All etched in stone and crap. She just ain't ready to decide what the hell she wants to do. She loves what she does; helping girls but… she doesn't wanna leave Buffy either.

So no, she hasn't made her decision.

"So when did this happen then?" Kennedy asks, starting to walk with Faith back towards their meeting point.

"Couple days ago," Faith tells her, not at all surprised by the question. She knows Kennedy enough to know she'd pry, but she'll back off once Faith needs her to, which is why they get along.

"Can't say I'm not surprised; you two have always had sexual tension that could be cut with a knife. Little surprised Buffy actually stepped foot out of that closet of hers though."

Faith doesn't say anything for a moment as they walk side by side, the night air still and cool around them. "How'd you find us?" Faith asks, avoiding the subject of Buffy.

"Giles told me where you guys were patrolling; he thought it'd be a good idea to check in."

"You see Red then?" Faith asks, looking over at her.

"No. Don't know if I'm really ready too. Figured killing a few things would help with that," Kennedy says, letting out a breath. She shrugs a little, "I don't know what she wants; the whole reason I got stationed in New York was so it'd make the break up easier. Now she's calling me down here?"

"And you came runnin'."

Kennedy gives her an irritated look, "I'm still in love with her, so yeah. Not sure if that makes me a complete idiot, but I'm here anyway."

"I'm fuckin' someone who was once my mortal enemy; think I got ya beat in the idiot department," Faith says with a smirk as she digs around in her jacket pocket for her smokes.

"Yeah but you've been in love with her since you were like what, sixteen?" Kennedy asks. Faith shoots her a look as she opens up her pack and slides one of her Marlboros out.

"Ain't in love with B," she avoids, placing it between her lips. "Just wanted to fuck her since like… fuckin' ever."

Yeah, Buffy's been the center of her world for as long as she can remember, but that doesn't mean it's love. If it was then all the shit she did when she was crazy is really a whole fuckin' lot worse if she did it to the woman she's in love with. That's forty five flavors of fucked up right there.

Kennedy snorts in disbelief, "You still tell yourself that?"

"Fuck off, Ken," Faith says as she flicks her lighter, making it spark and flame as she lights her cigarette. She puts the lighter back in her pocket as she takes a long drag.

"Touché," Kennedy says with a smirk, but drops it. They walk in silence for a little while before they start to see the outline of Buffy's group in the distance. "So you're leaving tomorrow?" Kennedy asks.

"S'posed to."

"Which means?"

Faith shrugs, taking another drag of her cigarette. "Dunno what I wanna do yet. Probably ask G to stay for another week to figure it out," she tells her, smoke curling from her lips, exhaling it as she talks. "I dunno…"

"Does he know about you and Buffy then?" Kennedy asks, figuring the reason for the extended stay was for none other than the blonde slayer herself.

"No. Really ain't lookin' for people to be all up in my business," Faith tells her, then looks at her pointedly.

"Hint taken; don't say a word, got it," Kennedy says, then stops walking as soon as Faith does, which is what she can only assume is a safe distance out of Buffy's ear shot. "But what are you going to tell Giles?"

Faith shrugs as she leans against a gravestone, looking across the way at Buffy. "Whatever comes to mind first."

"So you're serious then... about this?" Kennedy asks, then gives a low whistle. "Gotta say, I'm a little impressed, Faith."

"It ain't like how it seems," Faith says, taking another pull from her cigarette before flicking it off into the distance. It's exactly as it seems, but she ain't about to admit to it yet. Pussy whipped, ball and chain, whatever the fuck ya wanna call it; Faith knows Buffy's the one that's gonna turn her whole fuckin' world upside down.

It kind of terrifies her, which is the reason for the indecision.

"No?"

"No. I'm just… figurin' out what the fuck's goin' on. Same reason ya came back here when Red asked," Faith says pointedly, though she's still looking at Buffy across the way, who was now making her way over to them with five other girls in tow behind her.

"Point taken," Kennedy says, then looks over to see Buffy walk up to them.

"We should head back," Buffy says to Faith, making a point to ignore Kennedy. She knows that she was once her best friend's girlfriend, but she can't help it that her mere presence irritates her all to hell. She always questions her judgment and undermines her authority in front of the other girls and she's pretty sure this visit will be no different.

"Lead the way," Faith says, pushing herself off the gravestone to stand up. Buffy gives her a look she can't decipher and then flickers her eyes over to Kennedy before pushing past them and leading the troops out of the graveyard.

Kennedy looks at her with an eyebrow raised and whispers, "I'd guess PMS, but..."

"Shut up, Ken."

* * *

"Hey G, ya got a minute?" Faith asks, leaning against the threshold of the library doors. Giles looks up from his book and removes his glasses rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes.

"Of course," he responds, blinking a bit before replacing the glasses back on his nose. "Come in."

Faith looks at him as she walks into the room. "When's the last time ya slept?" she asks him, watching him try to stifle a yawn. She flops down on one of the big armchairs and revises, "Actually scratch that; are ya doin' the whole obsessive research thing cause the world's about to end again? Cause seriously, the PTB better quit with this shit for a bit."

"As far as I'm aware, the world is not ending," Giles says with a little amused smile. "I've just been catching up on a bit of light reading while we're here. After all, when we're on the road I can hardly carry a library in my back pocket."

Faith raises an eyebrow at the big book he was just leafing through. "Light readin', huh?" she asks skeptically. She shakes her head, knowing better that to even get into Giles and his geek parade. "Actually though… wanted to talk to ya about that; leavin'."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, uh, unless Red found us some dires I kinda wanted to see if we could stick around for another week or whatever," Faith says, trying to act casual but she know she's avoiding his gaze. Giles looks at her curiously.

"May I ask what prompted this? Usually you're already packed and ready to leave two days into your visit."

"Just thought maybe the other girls aren't so ready for me to leave. Ya heard that Jenna knocked Angela clean out in that… Anger Management or whatever they got here, right? Girl won't listen to anyone else but me for some reason and she almost took a chunk outta B two days ago when she tried to 'enforce her authority', or whatever," Faith waves her hand absentmindedly still without looking at him fully.

"Weren't you under the impression it would be Krista that would have the most problem with your absence?" Giles asks, surprised.

"Yeah well, surprisingly enough she's actually fittin' in here. Well, kinda. Everyone thinks she's fucked in the head, which she might be. Even Mariah's doin' okay, Red told me yesterday she's got someone teachin' her sign language so she can communicate outside of just throwin' me the finger."

"Faith," Giles says seriously, looking at her. Faith finally lets her eyes meet his as he tells her, "You and I both know that Jenna will be fine. You're an excellent Slayer, but you've always been a horrible liar. If you don't wish to indulge your real reasons as to wanting to stay longer, that's alright with me. As it so happens, Willow has only located a few minor incidents, but nothing that requires our immediate attention. If you wish to stay another week then it's fine by me as long as nothing comes up."

Faith nods, pressing her lips together tightly. Alright, well she should have expected that; Giles has always been able to tell when she's pulling a load of crap outta her ass. "Thanks," she says before giving him a small smile.

"Faith?" Both Giles and Faith look up and see Buffy standing in the doorway, looking all Slayer. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Duty calls," Faith says, smirking as she gets up. She gives Giles another appreciative smile before turning and following Buffy out of the room. When they get far enough Faith asks, "Jeez B, what's with the serious? Ya look like your dog just died."

Buffy grabs her hand and opens the door to the basement, leading her down to her private gym. But the door is barely closed behind them when Buffy's arms are wrapped around Faith's neck and she kisses her passionately. Faith has to hold onto the wall before they both go tumbling down the stairs and when Buffy breaks she says a little breathlessly, "Damn B, ya didn't think to wait till we got down the stairs at least? We coulda busted our heads open."

"I heard what you said," Buffy says with a smile. "You're really going to stay for another week?"

"Ya know eavesdroppin' is rude," Faith tells her with a smirk, starting to walk down the stairs. Buffy follows her.

"I wasn't eavesdropping! I just… _happened _to walk by when you were talking to Giles and I just _happened _to overhear you," Buffy defends. She grabs Faith's hand when they reach the bottom of the stairs and laces their fingers together before pulling her over to the bench to sit.

Faith snorts, "Yeah, right." She sits down next to Buffy and tells her, "But it ain't like I'm just gonna up and leave on ya. We still got shit to figure out."

"Which would probably involve more talking and less sex," Buffy points out, but she's blushing a little as her mind wanders back to the graveyard not an hour before and Faith smirks at her.

"Yeah well, ya know me; screw first and ask questions later."

Buffy is silent for a moment as she dusts her thumb over the back of Faith's hand, looking down at them entwined together. "I'm glad you're staying, Faith. And I'm sorry… about before. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

"S'Cool, I get it. Ken's always rubbed ya the wrong way. Gettin' caught with your pants down in front of her musta sucked," Faith says, but smirks a little in remembrance. Buffy groans a little, burying her head in the crook of Faith's neck.

"God, that was so embarrassing!"

Faith chuckles softly, "Coulda been worse."

"How, exactly?" Buffy mumbles against her neck.

"Coulda been all the Slayers gettin' an eyeful 'stead of just one," Faith tells her. Buffy groans again softly and shakes her head.

"That would have been a nightmare. I have an image to uphold."

"As a stuck up tight ass with no sense of fun?" Faith jokes, "Or the fearless leader who never gets laid?"

Buffy pinches Faith's arm, making the brunette jump and flash her an annoyed glare. "None of the above, asshole," Buffy says, but is giggling a little. She lets out a breath and leans against the wall, looking across the room. She shrugs, "Well, I guess maybe partly. I don't need them seeing me when I'm vulnerable."

Faith looks at her confused and Buffy rolls her head against the wall as she turns to look at her. She gives her a small smile, "You, I mean. You've always made me weak, Faith… at the same time you've made me stronger." So that might be a bit sappy, but Buffy meant it.

"Ya know that doesn't make sense, right?"

"Yes it does, and you know it," Buffy tells her, pushing herself up from leaning against the wall and turning around to face her. She sits up a little so she can swing one of her legs over Faith's, straddling her. Faith cocks an eyebrow at her and Buffy plays with the hem of the brunette's shirt as she tells her, "I know I'm your weakness too, otherwise you'd be leaving tomorrow. You'd have left the night we had first had sex."

"Cocky, aren't ya?" Faith retorts lightly, but she looks at Buffy and knows it's true, there's no point in denying it.

"Not cocky, just right," Buffy tells her, sliding her arms around her waist as she leans her head on her shoulder. When Faith wraps her arms around her she whispers softly, "It's always been different with us, Faith. You know it has. We contradict and complement each other at the same time."

Faith lets out a small breath. "Yeah…" She runs her hands up Buffy's back, who sits up to look at her before her lips touch hers tentatively. They kiss slow and soft, something they haven't really done. It's always been wild and passionate between them, but this was different. Faith could feel the emotion coming from Buffy with each breath and it scared her a little with the intensity of it. But Faith has spent her whole life running so she doesn't break the contact, knowing this is one of those moments that are almost like a test.

Buffy's the one that pulls away first, her eyes searching Faith's before she purses her lips together and smiles a little shyly. "It's getting late; we should probably get to bed. I need to check on Satsu; hopefully she'll be getting out of the infirmary tomorrow." Faith nods as Buffy starts to climb off of her.

"S'Cool. I'm beat like hell anyway."

"And we have to train the girls bright and early," Buffy says with fake chipperness before she makes a face of distaste. Faith smirks.

"Yeah well, we're the teachers. We can just sit there and dictate."

Buffy laughs a little, "You're so lazy."

"Just pointin' out the upside."

Buffy smiles and leans in to give her another lingering kiss. "Goodnight Faith," she whispers against her lips before she pulls away, starting to walk up the stairs.

"Night B."

**TBC…**


	12. The Pain She Causes

**CHAPTER TWELVE  
****The Pain She Causes**

_The sun is shining through the window, the birds chirping outside like the world really is one big happy place. Buffy can hear children outside playing and laughing, but only faintly; distantly. The white sheets are cool against her skin, but the rest of her is warmed from Faith's body which is tangled half on top of hers; holding her. It's too perfect, too serene to be real. Her eyes flicker up to look at Faith who smiles softly at her, running her fingers gently through her hair. It's a smile full of nothing but love and contentment, when so often Buffy sees pain behind Faith's eyes even when she's happy._

"_The knight returned to the castle," Faith tells her softly, tracing Buffy's jaw line with her fingertips. "She will earn the Queen's favor."_

"_The King doesn't approve," Buffy says, a little betrayal shining behind her eyes._

_Faith chuckles, "The King never does."_

_Buffy sighs and rolls over, taking Faith's hand with her and drawing it to her chest, having Faith spoon her from behind. She stares at the far wall as she whispers, "The time draws closer."_

_Faith kisses her shoulder softly, "The Queen will fall. The King's battle plans will come to pass." She brushes some of Buffy's hair away from her neck gently._

_Buffy looks over her shoulder quickly before moving a little away from her, letting go of her hand. "It is not the King's wishes!" she defends harshly._

_Faith looks at her a little sadly, "But it is with the King's hand that the solider moves; manipulated like a pawn."_

"_The King will not order it."_

"_The King already has." Buffy doesn't say anything; she just looks at her like she needs an explanation, so Faith gives her one. "The blows that strike the Queen have been delivered without the soldiers knowledge; she is being used," Faith tells her seriously. She reaches out and takes Buffy's hand in hers. She brings it to her lips and kisses it softly, "What comes to pass is the King's doing… and then the solider will follow her no longer."_

"_Neither will the Queen," Buffy whispers sadly. She feels a tear fall from her eye and she regrettably goes on, "I will be the one to deliver the final blow, not my soldier…"_

_Faith gives her a sad smile before leaning up and capturing Buffy's lips in hers in a soft kiss. Buffy reaches out to her desperately, needing for it to not be true; needing to somehow make it better. Faith presses her hips hard against her, her tongue seeking out more contact within in Buffy's mouth. But when Faith breaks suddenly, she whispers against her lips in a voice filled with anger and hate, "You will _destroy _me."_

_Buffy pushes Faith away in shock and when she looks at her all the rage and pain is written across the brunette's face. It frightens Buffy and she tries to move away, but Faith lunges, looking like she's going to rip Buffy's head from her body. She braces herself for the impact, eyes wide in terror… but it never comes._

Buffy gasps hard as she sits straight up in bed, waking from her dream. Her heart is pounding a million miles an hour and her hands are shaking as she pushes the covers off her body. Her brain seems to be going too fast for her to really comprehend anything, but all she knows is that she needs to see Faith _now._

Her feet carry her quickly out of her bedroom and down the hall to Faith's room. She pounds on the door frantically and when she hears Faith swear inside she takes that as an invitation. She opens the door and asks, "Faith?"

"What? For fuck's sake, B, I'm tryin' to sleep," Faith groans sleepily, pulling the covers over her head.

Well, Faith in the morning isn't always the most pleasant thing in the world, obviously.

"Faith, did you have the—"

"Of course I fuckin' did, but I'm too goddamn tired right now so get the fuck out," Faith snaps from underneath the covers, already knowing why Buffy chose to burst through the door at this unreasonable freakin' hour. The dream also got her pissed like hell at Buffy and even though she doesn't know why she still can't help but let it come out.

"But don't you think we should—" Buffy tries, but is interrupted once again.

"Fuck _off,_ Buffy! Ya wanna talk about this shit so bad you're gonna have to wait till the morning!"

Buffy looks at her like she's just been struck. Faith's been so sweet to her lately that this bitchy version is actually hurting her. Her bottom lip trembles a little, and maybe she's just too emotional because of having a bad night's sleep but she lashes out angrily instead, "It _is _morning, you lazy asshole! We have to train the girls in an hour so guess what; rise and fucking shine, Faith."

Faith flips her off before Buffy backs out of the brunette's room, slamming the door behind her so hard the wall actually shakes. She doesn't deserve this! The dream messed with her too but that doesn't give her the right to be bitchy about it! She furiously wipes away the fallen tear and glares at Faith's door like that's the cause of this morning's unpleasantness.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turns to see Willow peeking her head out her door, looking at her curiously. "Is everything alright?" she asks, seeing Buffy's distressed look and already having heard the yelling.

"Just great!" Buffy exclaims sarcastically, throwing her hands into the air. "I get shit for sleep, get shit from Faith, _and why didn't you ever let me know that Kennedy was coming?"_

Willow blinks after Buffy's little outburst. The two stare at each other for a moment before Willow suggests lightly, "Coffee?"

"Yes, please," Buffy groans, covering her face with her hands. Willow gives her a sympathetic smile before tightening her robe around her. She starts walking down the stairs to the kitchen, Buffy following her with heavy, dejected footsteps. She really hated that she shared that kind of dream with Faith and instead of being able to talk about it; Faith decides it'd just be better to scream at her. Weren't they past all the yelling and drama?

Obviously not.

Willow goes over to the coffee pot and pours them both a cup. Buffy slides onto one of the stools and puts her head in her hands, watching her. When Willow gives her a mug and slides onto the stool next to her she tells her softly, "I didn't tell you because you've been going through a lot of stuff with your own love life. The last thing I thought you needed was me coming to you asking for advice."

Buffy looks over at her, "Willow, you're my friend; friends talk about that sort of stuff. It doesn't matter if the world is ending; you can still talk to me."

Willow shrugs lightly and takes a sip of her coffee. Buffy fiddles with the spoon in hers, stirring it counterclockwise as she stares down into it. "So…" she draws out slowly before glancing back up at her, "So you asked her to come back?"

"Yeah," Willow says, looking a little confused. "I don't know, Buffy. I've just been thinking about her a lot; probably more than someone should after they break up."

"What's the acceptable amount of thinking time allowed?" Buffy asks with a smirk.

Willow laughs a little, "I don't know, but probably _all the time_ isn't acceptable in the realm of… acceptableness." She sighs a little and takes another sip of coffee and Buffy waits for her to go on. When Willow puts her mug back down she tells her, "I think we gave up too fast."

"Maybe," Buffy agrees, shrugging a bit. "I mean, you still love her, don't you?"

Willow smiles a little, "Yeah, I still do…"

Buffy returns her smile, even though her heart still hurts from the dream and all her mind is doing is screaming _FAITHFATHFAITH _over and over. "Then you owe it to yourself to see if it can work this time around."

"Thanks, Buffy," Willow says, and slides her hand over the one that's resting on the counter, holding it. "Now tell me what's going on with Faith," she says with a little twinkle of amusement in her eye because she can practically read Buffy's mind just by the look on her face.

Buffy sighs heavily, "We just… had a really screwed up Slayer dream and instead of talking about it she screamed at me,_ swore_ at me, and kicked me out of her room."

"Faith isn't a morning person," Willow tells her seriously because come on; everyone knows that. One of the Slayers tried to wake her up the last time she was here and ended up getting thrown into a wall. Faith said it was on accident, that she "sleep fights" or something, but Willow isn't quite sure she believes her.

"It's more than that… I think that dream, it…" Buffy trails off, sighing again. She looks down at her still untouched mug of coffee and falls silent. She doesn't know if she wants to tell Willow what she thinks it means.

"What happened in the dream?" Willow asks.

"Nothing."

"Buffy, it had to have been something."

Buffy chews on her bottom lip a little before she admits in a soft voice, "I think I'm going to hurt her, Will…" Even as she says it she knows it's true; it's just a feeling that's creeping up inside of her and making her feel sick.

"Buffy…" Willow says sympathetically, sighing a little. She squeezes Buffy's hand that she's holding a little and tells her, "I think you need to break things off with Satsu. You can't keep putting it off; the guilt is eating you alive."

"I know," Buffy whispers, looking down. "I just don't want to hurt her…"

"And you should tell Faith the truth," Willow goes on, looking at her expectantly. Buffy's eyes shoot up to look at her.

"No… no, I can't do that. Will, she'll…" she groans, "God I don't even want to think about what she'll do. Do you know what she told me?"

"What?" Willow asks, looking at Buffy's face mask with distress.

"She… she told me she was happy that…" she sighs heavily and covers her face with her hands as she admits, "that she was my first…" she shakes her head and clarifies, "girl, anyway. She said it meant something… and I just…" Buffy can feel her eyes start to well up with tears, the guilt washing over her like a tidal wave. She bites her lip hard, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"Oh, Buffy…" Willow says sympathetically.

"I can't ruin that, Willow. I just can't," Buffy says, her voice cracking a bit from the emotional strain. She takes a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down. She isn't going to cry this early in the morning. She has to train the girls, she has to… fuck, she has to break up with Satsu…

Buffy takes another deep breath, continuing to focus on keeping herself together. She is _not _an emotional wreck; she is the Slayer and she needs to start acting like one. She needs to be able to deal with her personal life like an adult and stop screwing things up because of her own fears.

She wants Faith; she needs Faith. She needs to stop being an idiot and making things complicated by lying and hiding things.

Buffy gives Willow a small smile before she stands up, "I need to go see Satsu," she tells her softly. Willow nods in understanding and Buffy turns to leave. But she's halfway to Satsu's room before Faith comes out of her own, stopping dead as she looks at Buffy. Buffy stops too, her breath catching in her throat; she doesn't exactly know what to expect after their little confrontation.

"Hey," Faith says softly, hand still on the doorknob; frozen, not knowing what to expect from Buffy either.

"Hey…"

Now that Faith's fully awake, she feels a little bad for snapping at Buffy like that. She finally takes her hand off the doorknob and instead runs it through her hair a little self consciously, "Look B, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay," Buffy says quickly, just glad that they aren't about to have another fight. She's still a little pissed about it, but after all _she's _doing she knows she has no right to be. Faith looks at her skeptically.

"Yeah? Cause I was kinda bein' a cunt."

"Don't use that word," Buffy scolds her in distaste. She walks over to her slowly and takes her hand, lacing their fingers together. She looks down at them; Faith's lightly mocha colored skin against her own pale white. "The dream messed with both of us; I get it. And… maybe we should talk about it. Later, obviously, since we have a class soon…"

Faith takes a breath and leans against her door, looking at Buffy, who finally looks up from their linked hands. "Fine," she says, but she doesn't sound too fine about the entire matter. The little warning voice in the back of her head keeps screaming at her to get away from Buffy before she hurts her.

But then again, she never listened to that voice.

"Faith," Buffy says, keeping a hold on her hand as she tries to pull away. "I swear I would never hurt you on purpose."

"It's whatever, B," Faith says, avoiding, like always. "Don't really wanna make a thing outta it; it's a dream. Don't always mean shit." Buffy sighs heavily at that and pulls her even closer to her so that they're toe to toe.

Buffy looks at her seriously, her face inches from Faith as she lifts her hand to stroke her face softly. "I _swear _I would _never _hurt you on purpose," she tells her again, annunciating each word. Her eyes search hers, trying to get that message across.

Faith stares back, like trying to see if she's being honest, and seems to come to conclusion that she is because she leans in and whispers, "Okay," before her lips meet Buffy's in a soft kiss. Buffy's wraps her arms around Faith's neck and is about to let her eyes flutter closed to dive into the feeling, but she catches movement out of the corner of her eye; Satsu coming out of her room.

The younger slayer took one glance at the two of them and Buffy's broke the kiss, eyes widening a little. But Satsu just turns on her heel and goes back into her room, slamming the door so hard the noise echoes through the hall. Faith turns around, startled and confused, "What the fuck was that?"

Buffy's stomach drops to the floor and she tries to give Faith a reassuring smile despite her nervousness, thanking the Powers That Be that Faith didn't actually_ see _Satsu. "I don't know, let me go deal with it; probably one of the girls. Why don't you go get some breakfast before we train and then we can talk after, okay?"

Faith shrugs, not at all inclined to deal with mini-Slayer drama this early; that's Buffy's territory. "Whatever, long as I don't gotta deal with it."

Buffy leans up to give her a peck on the lips, "Okay, I'll see you in like a half an hour."

Buffy waits until she see's Faith disappear down the hall and she can hear her footsteps descending the stairs before she takes a deep breath, looking over at Satsu's door. Well, she was planning on doing this anyway so it's now or never. That was _not_ her ideal scenario but hopefully she can repair the damage before everything completely falls to pieces.

Fuck, that really is a horrible way for her to find out…

Her feet carry her slowly over to Satsu's door and she hesitantly knocks on it. No answer. "Satsu?" she asks quietly. When she doesn't get a response she grasps the doorknob, her heart pounding in her chest as she opens it. Satsu is just standing there, arms across her chest, looking hurt and furious at the same time. "Satsu…" she tries softly, sympathetically, but she's interrupted.

"Kono ama!" she exclaims, pointing at her. "When were you going to tell me?"

Buffy's pretty sure she doesn't want to know what she just called her in Japanese. "Satsu…" she tries again; taking a step into the room towards her, but Satsu takes one back defiantly. "I'm sorry; I swear I was going to tell you today. I didn't want you to find out like that…"

Satsu's eyes are filled with the pain of a broken heart and it makes Buffy feel horrible. Her voice shakes a little as she tells her, "I thought more of you, Buffy. I know I was never yours, not truly, but it's fucked up that you let me continue to believe in your interest for me when obviously it hasn't been that way for a long time."

"No, Satsu, it's not like that. This thing with Faith… it's recent. I didn't—"

"Urusei!" Satsu exclaims loudly, and her tone makes Buffy fall silent. "I'm not stupid, Buffy! Don't insult me by pretending that your heart hasn't always belonged to her. And that hurts, but that's not why I'm angry with you right now!"

"Then…?" Buffy tries, but she can't seem to get much of a word in edgewise right now.

"Because you used me! You lied to me and I'm guessing you lied to her as well! _Baka _yariman, do you ever see past your own desires?! You live your love life the way you live in battle; you do anything to get what you want and make no apologies because of your damn pride, and you _never _stop to notice the people who get hurt in your wake because you believe you have to always see the bigger picture. But the problem is that your bigger picture is always formed to your desires; you're selfish!"

"I never used you!" Buffy tries to protest, but once again she's cut off before she can finish defending herself.

"Well I feel like some kind of practice run for you!" Satsu exclaims, her eyes flashing. Buffy's jaw drops a little.

"No! Satsu, that's wasn't what that was! I was with you because of _you_, not as some kind of test run for Faith. How can you think that?"

"How can I not?! You sneak into my room in the dead of night, take what you want and then you leave. You pay me no affections outside of the bedroom, you show me no loyalty, and yet the second Faith comes around you're so comfortable with what you have now that you let her kiss you in the middle of the hallway? How else am I supposed to feel about that, Buffy? Tell me!" Satsu yells furiously.

"What do you want me to say?!" Buffy exclaims, a bit desperately. She doesn't know how to answer that! She can't just be like 'because she's _Faith,_' just because she doesn't know any other reason. It seems to be her reason for everything, after all. "I'm sorry, alright? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you!"

"Well – and feel free to take all the offense to this as you want – you really fucking suck at it," Satsu tells her, jaw clenched. "You could have just been honest with me when you started to feel things for her! I would have been upset but I would have understood. Instead you lie to me, make love to me, take care of me when I'm injured all while fucking Faith behind my back. That's insulting!"

Buffy could lie and say she isn't fucking Faith, but lies haven't been getting her anywhere good this past week so she doesn't deny it. "I'm sorry…" she says softly, eyes brimming with tears at how horrible she feels. "I'm sorry, Satsu… you don't deserve this."

"No, I don't," she tells her firmly, her own voice shaking again. Buffy watches the girl start to break in front of her, one single tear falling down her cheek. "I love you, Buffy. All I ever wanted was to see you happy, and if that didn't include me then I was fine with that. But for you to lie like that..."

Buffy walks over to her slowly, "Satsu…" Satsu stands her ground this time, allowing Buffy to come closer. But she stops in front of her once Satsu starts to speak again.

"That night that you two went out, the night I got hurt… was that a date?" she asks softly.

Buffy's heart clenches in her chest, but she doesn't lie. "Yes…" she whispers. Satsu scoffs, another tear falling down her cheek before she pushes Buffy away and sits on her bed heavily.

"So when you came back, when you saw me in the infirmary, you weren't there out of compassion, were you? You didn't care; you only took care of me because of your own guilt!" she accuses loudly.

"I do care about you!" Buffy protests, quickly crossing the distance to sit next to her on the bed. She puts a hand on Satsu's thigh and looks her in the eyes and tells her, "Of course I care about you, Satsu. Don't ever tell me that I don't. I might have not have ever loved you in the same way that you do me, but that doesn't mean I don't _care."_

Satsu says nothing; she just stares at her, angry tears falling from her eyes. Buffy feels one of her own falling and she lifts up her hand cautiously before she wipes away one of them from Satsu's cheek. "Satsu… please believe me when I say I care about you. You are sweet, attentive, loving… and I will _always_ hold a special place in my heart for you." She sniffs as she watches another tear roll down Satsu's cheek and she leans in and kisses her forehead. "I never meant to hurt you…"

When Buffy pulls away Satsu leans up and captures her lips with hers, her tears splashing against Buffy's cheeks. Buffy kisses her back softly, another tear falling from her eyes as well. It was a goodbye and both of them knew it. Satsu grabs her shirt, pulling her closer as a sob releases from her lips at her own desperation. Buffy strokes her cheek and kisses her back deeper, trying to convey a thank you for her being there for her when she needed someone. The kiss meant so much and yet was so final and when they pull apart Satsu breaks down and sobs as Buffy wraps her in her arms.

"Shhh…" she tries to console her, her own cheeks wet from crying now. She strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head as Satsu buries her face in the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" she whispers.

And as the two of them hold onto each other during the final moments in their relationship, they both are unaware of the figure watching them from the doorway, who slips away quietly, not sure what exactly they just witnessed.

But they knew it wasn't anything good.

**TBC…**


	13. Faith Finds Out

_**A/N: Yeah, I'm sooo original with my chapter names. Aha.**_

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
****Faith Finds Out**

Faith lay back on the benches, one foot propped up as she looks at the sky. Bringing the cigarette between her fingers to her lips she takes a good long pull, knowing she's gonna need the nicotine to be able to survive this training session. For one, it's too damn early; who the fuck thought it'd be a good idea to train at seven in the morning? For two, while Buffy can stand there and tell her she'd never hurt her, the fact of the matter is that's what Buffy's_ good_ at.

Faith's always blamed herself for the pain that Buffy causes her, knowing it's because of who she was or what she'd done. But she's been on the straight and narrow for a while now, and even though Buffy's been good at hurting her by drudging up past shit; she's got this nagging feeling that that's not what the dream was talking about. Besides, hurting her and _destroying_ her; major fuckin' difference.

But maybe a part of her already knew Buffy would be the one to destroy her in the end and that's why she's not as freaked as her blonde counterpart. Buffy's always owned her completely and with that type of power it's easy to destroy someone. Faith fought like hell to keep it away from her once, but she's since given up on that front. She just found it really fuckin' pointless to try to fight something that's clearly inevitable.

Besides; love is about pain, right?

Faith chokes on the smoke she just inhaled, coughing as she sits up after she just had that thought. _Love?_ Where the fuck did that come from? She coughs a couple more times, her hand to her chest as she throws the cigarette to the ground. Fuck all of that; she is not in love. She is _not _fuckin' in… fuck.

This can't be good.

"You're like a walking 'Truth' billboard," Kennedy says with a smirk as she climbs up the bleachers two at a time. Faith flips her off during her coughing fit.

Kennedy flops down on the bench next to her and slaps her back hard, making Faith cough one more time before hitting her thigh in annoyance. "Fuck, Ken!"

"Just trying to help," Kennedy says with that shit eating grin of hers. Faith rolls her eyes, the coughing finally subsided. She groans a little though, leaning back on her elbows against the bleacher seats a row up. Fuck. _Love._

She can't be in love. Faith Lehane doesn't _do _love; maybe infatuation, but not love.

Or obsession; she'll take obsession over love at this point too. Fuck… _LOVE?_ Hell no. But if she's so sure it's not love then why the fuck is she trying to justify it in her head?

"What's eating you?" Kennedy asks, looking over at Faith's pensive look. Faith's eyes flicker over to look at her and she shrugs.

"Nothin'. Just… thinkin'."

"About Buffy?" Kennedy asks, like she's afraid of that answer. Her tone makes Faith arc an eyebrow.

"Somethin' ya wanna share with the rest of the class, Ken?"

Kennedy wrings her hands together a little. "Look, it's probably none of my business…" she starts.

"Well that's probably true," Faith says with a smirk, but Kennedy shoots her a glare.

"Faith, I'm not one to start stuff…" Faith scoffs in disbelief and Kennedy revises, "Okay, maybe I am. But you're my friend, and I don't know if you know everything that's going on, and hell I probably don't either, but I know what I saw and I don't want you to get hurt."

"What the fuck are ya talkin' about?" Faith asks, looking at her like she better start making some sense and quick. She's starting to make her nervous and Faith really doesn't like that feeling, especially after the dream she shared with Buffy last night.

"Hey," Kennedy says, holding up her hand to Faith, wary of her tone. "Don't start getting all 'Angry Slayer' on me. I'm sure Buffy's already told you anyway. She's all Ms. Righteous and Truthful," she mocks the words a little.

"Tell me _what _exactly?" Faith asks, her patience starting to border on nonexistent. "Ken, don't fuck around."

"Satsu—" Kennedy starts, but is interrupted.

"Faith!"

Both slayers turn to look down at Buffy at the foot of the bleachers. She calls up to them, "Can you give me a hand with these mats, please?" She looks frustrated as she pushes the blonde hair out of her face and kind of kicks at the pile of mats in front of her that she's been trying to drag by herself. Strong or not, there are a lot of them for one person to carry. But Faith doesn't give half a crap about the mats, she's just staring at her, jaw tightening.

"What about Satsu?" Faith asks in a low voice, eyes locked with Buffy's. A horrible feeling starts to creep up from the pit of her stomach as her mind automatically goes to the worst possible scenarios. Pessimistic maybe, but she knows better than to be optimistic and then have the rug taken out from under her.

And it gets worse when Kennedy doesn't say anything, realizing that Faith obviously doesn't know. A part of her wants to tell her; thinks that Faith deserves to know, but another part... that one's telling her that if she does in another two minutes there's gonna be a full on brawl.

But Buffy is obviously a cheating fucking bitch and Faith doesn't deserve that, so Kennedy tells her quietly, eyes glancing at Buffy, "Buffy just broke up with Satsu twenty minutes ago."

She might have broken up with her, but she still lied. Once a liar, always a liar in Kennedy's book.

"Faith!" Buffy calls, irritated at being ignored. "A little help would be nice, please?"

Faith's hand that's resting on the bleacher seat tightens its grip and the metal bends under the force. But she laughs a little, like it's absurd, because it is, right? "You gotta be shitting me."

"Faith!"

But both of them are ignoring Buffy. Kennedy looks at her sympathetically while Faith laughs again, trying to keep the absurdity of the moment and ignore the wave of disbelief and recognition that's starting to hit her. It made too much sense but yet it didn't make any at all.

The way Satsu would look at her… she thought it was just some fuckin' crush. But Buffy actually…?

"I'm not shitting you, Faith," Kennedy says softly, putting a hand on her knee. "I don't know how long she was seeing her or what exactly went on between them but… what I saw was definitely a break up."

Faith pushes herself away from Kennedy, not needing the small pity gestures. She was starting to feel sick, like something crawled up her throat and died. Her eyes flash and Buffy's trying to call her back down but the words don't compute in her mind, all she can think about is all the times she's seen them together and how fucking obvious it should have been, even though Buffy tried her best to hide it.

"She said she's never been with another chick," Faith says, eyes still locked on Buffy. Her voice breaks a little though as she says it and she winces, getting furious at her own emotions.

"Faith!" Buffy tries again, but she's not getting any response. "Ugh, fine, nevermind!" Buffy yells annoyed, looking furiously over at the two of them up there before picking up the heavy mats and dragging them across the way to the other end of the field where they'll be training the girls in a little while.

Faith's fingers are still gripped onto the bleachers and her muscles twitch with the wave of strength that passes through her arm as she tightens her grip. "She fuckin' told me that she was happy I was her first…" her eyes never leave Buffy as she speaks, her voice coming out very detached and dead.

It's not like they said they were exclusive… so that's not what's bothering her. Actually, maybe it partly is. After all, Buffy would flip her shit if she went off and slept with someone else right now, wouldn't she? But that's not the big part. The fuckin' big ass part is that Buffy lied to her about it. How many _fucking_ times did she have the opportunity to just be honest? But instead she just fucking sat there _and told her she was happy that Faith was her first!_

"What did you see?" Faith asks her, trying to control herself for at least thirty more seconds. "When you saw them… what _exactly _did you see?"

Because she's Faith: The Good Slayer now, Faith; the one who apparently needs to start thinking before she acts. So here she is thinking, sort of; getting the fuckin' facts before she jumps up and starts bashing heads.

Kennedy watches the emotions pass over Faith's face and she goes on, figuring she deserves to know the whole truth because if the roles were reversed, she'd want to know. "I heard Buffy tell her that she never meant to hurt her. I… looked in, to see what was going on, I thought it was you she was talking to… but I saw her kissing Satsu. They were crying…" she watches Faith's jaw lock tightly and her muscles in her arm start to twitch, "Faith, I'm so sorry…" she tries.

Something inside Faith snaps.

"You lyin' sack of _shit!"_ Faith screams suddenly at Buffy, who stops trying to get the next mat and looks up at Faith shocked and confused. The brunette stands up after punching the bleacher seat hard, making the sound rattle as her eyes flash black. She starts taking the bleacher steps two at a time to reach her, and Buffy steps back instinctively into a defensive pose. "When the fuck were you going to tell me?!"

"Faith!" Kennedy tries, but she knows it's already useless. She's following her though, knowing that if this gets too out of hand she's going to have to try and stop it.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asks, eyes wide at Faith's furious demeanor. Her stomach drops to the floor though because she already knows what this is about; the only thing it could ever be about. No, not now, not after she just broke up with Satsu… she can't handle this. She was trying to do the right thing finally and it…

"You fuckin' know what!" Faith screams, jumping off the last of the bleachers to land in front of her. She sneers, "When the fuck were ya gonna tell me you've been bangin' Satsu, B?!"

"Faith, please… you don't understand…" Buffy starts, backing up a little with her hands in front of her as both surrender and defense. She doesn't want to fight but she's not sure that's gonna be enough to stop it from happening.

"Damn _fuckin' _right I don't understand!" Faith screams, feeling the burning fire of her blood coursing through her veins. Her hand twitches, curling into a fist and she can see Buffy eye it cautiously before noticeably readying herself for a physical fight. But Faith isn't going to hit her… not yet. Her upper lip curls into a sneer and she taunts her furiously, "Did ya like it? Huh? Ya get a thrill outta bangin' kids, B? Never knew you were such a Chester Molester; I coulda dressed up in a little princess costume and wore pigtails if that's what got ya off."

"She's eighteen, Faith!" Buffy screams, shocked and offended that Faith would call her such a thing. "Fuck you! She's an _adult!"_

"She looks like she's fourteen, you nasty fuckin' bitch. All high voice and hero worship; bet that shit just gets your panties all kinds of soaked," Faith taunts, fury rising in her like a slow burn before the explosion. She advances on her and Buffy continues to back up, not knowing what to do. Buffy's feared Faith before, but it was nothing like this. She's not scared of her this time because of the possibility of getting her ass kicked; after all, she can defend herself. So no, she's more scared because she's not going to be able to stick up for herself this time because it would only make her lose Faith faster.

And she can't lose Faith. She might not deserve her but she still doesn't want to lose her. Besides, what the hell is she gonna say in her own defense?

"Faith, please don't do this," Buffy begs softly, still taking steps back for each step forward Faith takes. "Let's just go inside and talk about this calmly, please…"

"We_ are_ talkin', Princess," Faith sneers with a smile that in no way gives comfort to Buffy, nor should it. Then again, neither does the fence she just backed into; trapping her. Faith slams her hand down to wrap around one of the spokes by Buffy's head, making her noticeably jump as she leans in, her face an inch from hers and tells her, "but I don't think calm is on the menu right now, lover."

"Faith…" Kennedy warns, watching the two of them carefully. Seeing Faith eye Buffy in a predatory manner doesn't exactly look safe.

Faith growls, turning her head to look at Kennedy, "Stay outta this, Ken! I ain't gonna fuckin' hurt her; we're just havin' a little chat."

Buffy looks at Kennedy, her eyes flashing with hatred and as they start to brim over with tears. "Why would you tell her?!" she screams, furious. She'd also like to know how the hell she knew, but that's not what's important right now. She must have known how Faith would react and yet she did it anyway!

"Because she actually gives a shit, B. Unlike some people," Faith sneers, turning to face her again. They lock eyes while Faith addresses Kennedy, "Ken? Some privacy would be nice."

"Faith, I'm not gonna leave you to—"

"Kennedy!" Faith yells, turning around furious. "Fuckin' leave. Me and B got some _relationship _issues," she mocks the word heavily, "and while I ain't the wife beatin' type, I will completely fuckin' take _you _down for tryin' to interfere. Love ya to death but _back the fuck off."_

Buffy tries to take this opportunity to try to slide away from Faith unnoticed but she slams her other hand down to hold the bar on the opposite side of her head; trapping her. "Nah B, you stick around for a while," she says lightly, but still keeps her eyes on Kennedy.

She can hear the pitch in her voice; feel the darkness in her head. She knows how crazy she sounds and she knows she's slipping, but she's got enough control… for now.

Kennedy gives her a warning look, but backs up a couple steps. "I see one fucking thing and I'll kick your ass," she tells her seriously.

Faith smiles at her, though Kennedy doesn't take that as much of a comfort, "Wouldn't expect anythin' less." She pauses for a second and then adds as an afterthought, "Oh, and tell the kids school's cancelled today." She didn't need a pack of mini Slayers coming out here to ruin her fun after all.

Kennedy continues to eye her as she backs up, making her way back to the castle. Faith watches her the entire way until she sees her stop, leaning up against the wall with her arms folded across her chest. Faith turns back to Buffy, who's still just standing there, trying not to cry.

"Ya know, I'm surprised at you, B," Faith says lightly, still smiling in a way that makes Buffy feel like she's going to break down due to very unwanted déjà vu. "Thought you'd be all high and mighty; defender of your fucked up morals. I'm still waitin' to hear this grand excuse I know you're just _itchin' _to tell me about why you decided to be a lyin' little cunt."

Each word Faith says is like a stab in the heart for Buffy and she can feel one tear finally squeeze its way out and fall down her cheek and it kills her to see no sign of compassion on Faith's face. "It wasn't serious..." she tries, but Faith just makes the sound of a buzzer before:

"Wrong answer. Lemme ask ya again, Twinkie; why did ya fuckin' feel like being a lying, slutty little cuntbag?"

"Faith, please stop… can't we just—"

"Ya know, this is really interesting," Faith says with mock fascination. "Here I am, callin' you a cunt and you have yet to even hit me. This is new, but I gotta say this whole doormat thing doesn't wear too well on ya."

"Do you_ want_ to fight me, is that it?" Buffy asks, her bottom lip trembling a little as another tear falls. Her eyes flash but she stands her ground. "Will it make you feel better if you hit me?!"

Buffy thinks it might actually make_ her_ feel better if Faith hits her. But if she hits her first then the guilt is going to be worse and she's trying… fuck, she's trying to somehow make this end in a way where Faith doesn't completely walk out of her life; she can't handle that.

"Actually I'm still waitin' for an answer. Tick tock, baby; time's wastin'." She looks behind her again to check on Kennedy, but she's not alone now. She's talking to another Slayer, who then looks at them and runs off; hopefully to spread the word that class is cancelled otherwise Faith will be one unhappy Slayer if she gets interrupted.

Kennedy is back to staring at her and Faith turns to face Buffy again, waiting for her answer.

"I…" Buffy starts, swallowing a little. "I didn't want to hurt you," Buffy tells her, and Faith laughs in her face.

"Yeah, ya did a _spectacular _job at that; well done." She places her tongue between her teeth in almost a feral way as she smiles at her, amused in her anger. "Sometimes I wonder what really does go on in that pretty little head of yours, B." Faith taps Buffy's head with her finger but Buffy slaps her hand away angrily, making her smirk. "_'I fucked another bitch so I wouldn't hurt you',_ really, that's gotta be one for the books."

"I didn't_ tell_ you because I thought it would hurt you!" Buffy corrects, a sob sneaking out between her words. "Damnit, Faith! I broke it off! It wasn't anything serious; it wasn't like what's between _us!"_

"And what exactly _is _between us, huh?" Faith asks scornfully. "Because right now all it looks like is shitload of lies!"

"I'm sorry!" Buffy cries.

"You're_ sorry? _Shove that one up your ass to get ya off, B, but don't fuckin' play that shit with me. How long have ya been fuckin' her?" Buffy doesn't answer her and Faith hits the spoke of the fence by her head again hard. "Tell me!"

"A little over a month," Buffy admits softly.

"So why the _fuck_ did you tell me that you were happy that I was your fuckin' first?!" Faith screams, completely engaged by that because it _meant_ something to her. For the first time ever, something sex related actually meant something to her and it ended up being a whole crock of shit.

"Because I wanted you to be!" Buffy screams, another sob emitting from her lips. "Fuck, Faith, don't you get it?! I've loved you since I was seventeen!" She pushes her back away from her furiously, finally finding some strength within her to stand up for herself even though she knows she shouldn't.

…And oh god, what did she just _say?_

Faith looks at her like she can't believe what just came out of Buffy's mouth. It's so absurd that she laughs, not allowing herself to believe that because that doesn't make any fucking sense. She shoves her back against the fence, pressing herself up against her as she hisses in her ear_, "Liar."_

"I'm not lying!" Buffy screams, upset and enraged herself now. She tries to force her off of her but Faith keeps all her weight against her; pinning her there. She's crying, sobbing, as she screams at her, finally admitting to herself and to her, "I think I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you!"

"SHUT UP!" Faith screams, her nails digging into Buffy's arm. "Don't you fuckin' talk shit like that just cause you're tryin' to keep me like some little trophy prize! Tame the wild bitch, right? FUCK YOU, BUFFY!"

"That's not what I'm trying to do!" Buffy exclaims. Her hand that's on her hip to try to keep Faith a reasonable distance away slides up her body and she touches her face lightly, crying, "I love you, Faith…"

Faith's eyes turn black with rage and she steps back, but only to give herself room to have a swing at Buffy. Her fist connects with the blonde's chin and the back of Buffy's head slams into the metal fence behind her. "Don't you _ever _fuckin' say that to me!" Faith screams as Buffy's eyes meet hers, pain and sadness behind them as she rubs her jaw. But Faith doesn't care; Faith can't see anything past her own anger. "If you loved me you wouldn't have been screwin' that bitch behind my fuckin' back!"

She can almost feel Kennedy coming over to them to stop the fight though so she turns and screams at her, "Ken, one more fuckin' step and I'll put you in the infirmary; back the hell off!"

"Faith, please…" Buffy begs softly, grabbing onto her shirt so she can hold onto her, even just that part of her. "I know what I did was wrong; I fucked up, okay? I should have told you about Satsu. But please… please don't walk away because of this…"

Faith watches Kennedy stop and shake her head at her, looking furious with the threats but she also knows it really is none of her business and that hell, one punch isn't the worst they've done to each other. She backs up again reluctantly and Faith turns back to Buffy.

Faith stares at the blonde for a moment, jaw locked and eyes darkening. Then she smirks in this evil little way as she steps closer to her, pressing her body flush up against Buffy's. She watches her breathing hitch and Faith whispers in her ear harshly, "Ya wanna keep me, do ya?"

"Yes," Buffy breathes, wrapping her arms around her waist, trying to take any opening to have some kind of contact with her because she's not sure if it'll be their last one.

"And how exactly do ya plan on doin' that, when all I see when I look at you is walkin' cum stain?" Faith breathes into her ear.

"Faith… don't be cruel," Buffy chokes out, tears still falling from her cheeks. But she holds onto her tighter, knowing that any minute Faith is going to walk away from her. She buries her face in her neck, fingers clawing at the material on the back of Faith's shirt as her heart pounds heavily in her chest.

This is how battered wives must feel; being told they're nothing but shit as they frantically try to hold on to their abuser like they'll die if they let go. Difference is: Buffy knows she completely deserves all the horrible things Faith's saying to her. She cheated on her, lied to her, hurt her.

So this is like the abuser begging for forgiveness more than anything now.

"But I thought you loved me, baby," Faith mocks low in her ear, one of her hands gripping Buffy's hip so hard she winces. "If you loved me you'd love all sides of me, even this one; the one that only _you_ can bring out in me, lover."

Buffy whimpers a little bit from the truth in that statement and how much it hurts. She can feel Faith smile wickedly against her neck.

"You love this power, don't you, B? The power to make me go fuckin' crazy and tear the world to shreds." Her nails pierce Buffy's skin on her hip and she cries out softly, but doesn't move away from her; if anything she holds on tighter, her breathing getting heavier. Faith cocks an eyebrow at her behavior, "Kinky, B. Didn't know a little pain would get ya off, but I guess it makes sense."

"This isn't—" Buffy tries to protest, but Faith retaliates by digging her nails in so hard that she draws blood. Buffy cries out again, burying her face in Faith's neck as she holds onto her. Somewhere in the back of her mind this feels like some sort of test and that's why she's not letting go.

"So this is why ya wanted me to be your girl, huh? We always hurt each other; you and me... and you get off on it like a sick fuckin' bitch. Bet you're pourin' down your thighs like a whore, aren't ya?" Faith sneers in her ear, before unexpectedly slipping her hand inside Buffy's jeans and cupping her pussy roughly, making her gasp hard. Faith snickers as she finds her proof, "Man, B, this shit really does somethin' for ya, doesn't it? Maybe I shoulda tied you up and whipped your uptight little ass instead of fuckin' ya like you actually _meant _somethin' to me."

Buffy wants to defend that it's just _her,_ not the situation, but all she can think about is the fact that Faith's hand is in her pants out in the open where anyone could see. "Please Faith, don't do this here…" she begs softly.

"You really are taking everything like a little bitch today, aren't ya? Ya know, about a week ago if I tried this you would've knocked me out," Faith says, laughing a little cruelly as she slips her fingers beneath Buffy's panties, sliding her fingers through her wet folds. Buffy gasps and shakes a little beneath her, hiding her face in shame from Kennedy and anyone else who might be out there watching.

"I don't want to hit you," Buffy whispers in explanation, her fingers tightening their grip on the back of Faith's shirt. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"So you'll just let me fuck ya out here for everyone to see?" Faith asks with a smirk, pressing down on Buffy's clit lightly. The blonde cries out softly, biting down on Faith's shoulder for a moment to stifle it. But then she turns her head and breathes into her ear:

"I don't want you too… but I'll let you."

Faith really doesn't trust that answer, because it's so un-Buffy-like. "Why? This some kind of fuckin' mind game?"

"No! It's because I'm trying to prove that I want you; that'd I'd do anything for you. The only thing you respond to is sex so yes, here's me trying to do it your way, Faith," Buffy tells her breathlessly. But that makes Faith scoff in disbelief and pull her hand out of her pants. She laughs a little at the absurdity of that.

"You've gotta be shitting me."

"What do you want from me, Faith?!" Buffy exclaims, pushing her back a little as she gets fed up with all the games. She wipes away another tear on her cheek as she yells, "What do you want me to say, what the hell do you want me to _do?_ I know you'll never accept an apology; that's not you. You're all about black and white proof; so I'm standing here, asking what the hell you need from me so you can understand that I love you and that I need you in my life!"

"You know what I needed, Buffy?!" Faith screams, slamming her back up against the fence and getting in her face again. "I needed for you to trust that you could tell me shit! I needed you to fuckin' trust me _period _and I fuckin' needed to trust _you!_ After all the fuckin' bullshit between us you would think that that'd be important, right? Shit, I don't know the first thing about relationships but I was gonna try; and you just went off and fucked up _everything_ because you're a selfish fuckin' bitch that doesn't give a shit that someone's in love with them; you just want everything you can take from anyone that's willin' to give it!"

Buffy blinks, taken aback by that, "Faith…" she asks slowly, not sure if she heard her right. "Did you just… tell me you loved me?" She feels like that's too much to hope for; that her brain was just playing tricks on her.

Faith shoves her back again, but then presses her lips to her ear as she whispers harshly, "I love you so fuckin' much I can barely_ breathe_ sometimes…" It's said with so much passion that Buffy believes every single word.

"Faith…" Buffy whispers, emotions welling up in her chest as tears do in her eyes. She looks at her, not being able to help the small smile that's threatening to escape as she touches her face gently. But then Faith's face changes and she laughs; the kind of laugh Buffy hasn't heard since she went evil. It's full of hatred and scorn and she steps away from her, every inch of her face showing nothing but amused anger at Buffy's pain, and Buffy feels her heart break in half before Faith even speaks.

"How's _that_ for bein' lied to, Buffy?"

"Faith…?" Buffy whispers, tears running down her cheeks. That was so cruel she can't even form a thought outside of her name. That's on a whole different level of lying then what Buffy did. She just stares at her in disbelief and heart ache, her soul feeling like it's ripping in half.

It's killing Faith; lying to her like that. Not that she doesn't love her, because she does; she knows that now… but telling her that it was a lie; that's what's fucking with her. But she's hurt, more than she's ever been and she doesn't know what else to do besides lash out in the worst way she can. She knows something like that will hurt Buffy more than any blows to the face ever will.

She starts to walk away, just needing to get the hell away from her before she does something she regrets even more. Buffy just watches her go, not being able to utter a single word as she slides down the fence to fall to the grass, sobbing as she loses the woman she loves. With each step Faith takes, Buffy's heart breaks a little more and all she can do is pray that she'll look back…

…But Faith never does.

**TBC…**


	14. Each Side of the Spectrum

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
****Each Side of the Spectrum**

Fuck this. She needs to leave and she needs to leave _now_.

The walk back to her room was blinding, being only able to focus on the numbness inside of her and the overwhelming urge to run away from it all. For Faith it's always been like this pull; forcing her to move on and never giving her a chance to look back at the damage caused in her wake. It's kinda like being sucked into a black hole, if she had to compare it to anything. Everything around you blurs, the world around you fuckin' crumbles and you barely even notice cause all you can do is look ahead to where your next destination is and hope to fuck you actually get there before you start to come to grips with reality.

But reality hurt. The void she's in now just makes her feel numb, and she prefers that over feeling like she got stabbed in the gut; again.

Clothes are being shoved in her bag by hands she hardly recognizes as her own because she can barely feel them. It's all so automatic; the running. She does it so easily now it's like putting herself on autopilot. She packs clothes, shampoo, hairbrush, toothbrush, a few pictures; always a few pictures, to be able to remember once she can handle it. She barely looks at what she's doing, just throwing everything in there while her brain checks out for a few moments.

Packed full with as much as she can afford to carry, she slings her bag over her shoulder and turns, ready to make a full speed run halfway to nowhere; anywhere. But she stops, her autopilot gears grinding to a halt as Satsu stands in her doorway, watching her silently.

Her first instinct is to attack; to beat the shit out of her for getting Buffy before her, but it's squashed almost instantly by that nagging voice in the back of her head she figures is logic. She's always liked Satsu; always thought she was a cool fuckin' chick. Besides, Buffy broke her heart too. It isn't her fuckin' fault Buffy's a lying sack of worthless nothing.

"Move," is all Faith tells her, her voice coming out hollow and detached. She doesn't want to deal with this right now; she's got places to be.

"I came to tell you to take care of her," Satsu says, her voice shaking with emotion. But she's got this hard look on her face; determined. "But I see you don't plan to take care of her at all."

"My shit isn't with you, Yuri. So I suggest you move the fuck outta my way before I'm forced to do it myself," Faith tells her, slinging her bag off her shoulder. It falls to the ground with a heavy thud and she looks at her warningly, but Satsu doesn't back down; doesn't even look afraid. Her broken arm is healed, as are most of her wounds, but not all. Even up to full strength she couldn't take Faith, but here she is, _not _and yet still unmoving from her position.

"She loves you… and yet you're running," Satsu replies angrily. "Do you not understand what you _have_, Faith?"

"She fuckin' lied to me!" Faith exclaims, advancing on her. "She fuckin' lied to _you._ If you wanna be her goddamn lap dog go right the fuck ahead; but I ain't nobody's bitch. Fuckin' take her if ya want her cause I really don't give a shit anymore."

"It doesn't matter if I want her or not, Faith! Her heart will never belong to me; that's yours."

"Yeah well I just threw it back in her fuckin' face so pretty sure it's open for grabs again," Faith tells her flatly. Her patience is beginning to drop to dangerous levels as she cracks her knuckles with her fingers. "Serious Satsu, move the fuck outta my way before I drop you on your goddamn head."

"Fuzakennayo," Satsu replies in amused annoyance. Faith's eyebrows shoot up and she takes a step closer to her, getting into her face, but Satsu doesn't even flinch.

"Ya really think I'm full of shit, Yuri? Cause I wouldn't bet my left tit on it if I were you."

"You understand Japanese?" Satsu asks, mildly surprised through her irritation. How much Hentai does she _watch?_

"Some. Enough. Now ya gonna move or we gonna throw down? Cause ya got about thirty seconds before I lose my patience," Faith tells her in a low voice, the warning rumble through her chest and flash in her eyes.

"Anata wa hanare no yo ni jikko shite iru obi eta sukoshit ama!" Satsu exclaims loudly, as she points at her furiously. Okay, that's a bit too much Japanese for Faith to comprehend, though she did loud and clear get the word 'bitch' thrown in there, as well as something about her running. She clenches her jaw and cracks her neck before looking at her.

"Fifteen seconds," she warns her. She really doesn't wanna fucking throw down with this kid. As fucked up as it is, she kinda feels for her since Buffy used her too. But she seriously just wants to get the hell out of there and if Satsu isn't planning on moving on her own accord then Faith has no issue doing it for her.

But Satsu is pissed and what comes out naturally isn't English, it's Japanese. "Kanojo wa kimi to koi ni desu! Anata was hi naide kadusai rikai shite? Dono yo ni hanarete irukara aruku koto ga dekiru?!"

"SATSU! Fuckin' speak English!" Faith exclaims loudly. All this getting screamed at in Japanese is giving her a freaking headache.

"SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU _FUCKING_ MORON!" Satsu screams, which wasn't exactly what she said before but that was pretty much the point she was trying to make anyway. "How can you just walk out on that?!"

For Satsu, all this pain and all this heartbreak on every single end of the spectrum hardly seems worth it if no one gets any kind of happiness in the end. It becomes just another pointless, needless situation that ends up tearing them all to shreds. And maybe she wouldn't be one to get her happy ending now, but she's not foolish enough to believe Buffy was her one and only; she would have found her own happiness in the end. But them? The stupid fucking fools…

"Ya wanna know how I can just walk out? It's really fuckin' easy; like _this_," Faith answers furiously, and then moves to clock her once across the jaw, directly in that soft spot that is bound to make anyone lose consciousness. Satsu doesn't move fast enough to defend herself, maybe because of her previous injury or maybe just due to being blinded by her anger, so the hit connects hard and Satsu ends up slumping to the floor. Faith grabs her bag angrily, "By the way, time's up," she says before she walks straight out the door and hopefully out of Buffy's life forever.

Because that dream was right; Buffy will destroy her… and she's already feeling herself fall into the comfort of the darkness.

* * *

Buffy can barely breathe she's crying so hard.

Willow had finally come outside, worried, after hearing from the Slayer's that training had been cancelled. She found Buffy in a heap on the ground, shaking, crying, and barely able to speak a word. Willow helped her to her feet and brought her inside, but Buffy's been curled up on the couch, her head in the witch's lap for over an hour now, the crying finally starting to subside a little.

Willow didn't ask; she already had a pretty good feeling she knew what happened, or at least the gist of it. She overheard some of the Slayers whispering among themselves about how Buffy and Faith were fighting out in the yard and it didn't take a genius to figure out what it was about; especially with the strength of Buffy's reaction. The tears are still streaming down her face, her arms wrapped around herself as she stares at the floor, the tremors in her body subsiding slightly just as her tears start to slow. Willow strokes her hair softly, only a small comfort that has no hope of providing any real solace.

The longer Buffy lay there the more numb she started to feel. It's like everything that just happened was some kind of far away dream; one that lay in the back of her mind that she can just barely touch the surface of. There's screaming and there's heartache, there's name calling and there's lies, but it's all so bunched together; blurring around the edges that nothing seems to make sense anymore besides how every inch of her body is aware that she just lost half her soul.

It's like something's been ripped out of her; it's suffocating. She knows she shouldn't feel this way, not after such a short time. But that was it, wasn't it? It wasn't short at all. _Seven years;_ she's been in love with Faith for seven whole years but was too scared to admit it. So she pushed her away, rejected her friendship, blamed her for everything that went wrong and pretty much drove the girl to insanity. Buffy's always been responsible for everything that Faith does, one way or another. She's responsible for her happiness and for her pain, her courage and her doubt. She never asked to have that kind of power; she never wanted it and she didn't realize she even had it until it was far too late to fix the damage that she already caused.

Ever since they met, Faith spent all her time and energy doing everything she does because of Buffy; love, hate, anger, pain, revenge, redemption, forgiveness. But Buffy did the opposite; she pushed anything and everything Faith out of her life, almost obsessively trying to get rid of her. And why, so they could both find ways to deal with being linked with another human being? It was the pull they felt, it had to be; it terrified them both.

It sounds stupid and maybe a little naive, but Buffy has this feeling inside of her that she was _meant _to be with Faith; that she was her other half that everyone always talks about searching for. But she didn't have to search, Faith came to _her,_ though has always known how to run away just as fast.

Maybe it was the Slayer inside of them both; ripped apart and forced to be shared between them. Maybe it was that one soul two bodies thing. Whatever it was, all Buffy knew was that she just lost half of herself and it feels like it's killing her.

Being with Faith this past week was like she finally found what would make her whole… and now it's been ripped from her because of her own selfish actions.

_Lies. Liar. Lies. LIAR._

The voice in her head taunts her as she holds onto herself tighter, trying to make the chanting stop. She already knows she's a liar; already know she lies. She doesn't need the constant reminder over and over like the beat of a steady drum in her ears.

_You had her and you let her go. You let her walk out! You screwed it all up because you wanted more than you should have. No wonder she doesn't want to look at you, no wonder she laughed in your face when you told her you loved her! You're nothing but a liar and a coward and she will never, EVER love you._

A loud, strangled sob releases from Buffy's lips and she puts her hand over her mouth, burying her face in Willows lap. Her whole body shakes as she cries and Willow puts her arms around her, startled at first at the sudden change from getting better to suddenly becoming worse, but willing to help her work through it. "Shhh… I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it'll all be okay…" Willow hushes her, a distressed expression on her face as she watches her friend go through so much pain.

It takes a while to calm Buffy down again, but eventually the sobbing stops again and she just lays there, silent tears still falling as she stares blankly at the far wall, lost in her own thoughts. The silence is deafening but Willow doesn't break it out of fear of startling Buffy or launching her into another fit of tears.

Not everyone else got the 'Do Not Disturb' memo though.

"Faith is gone."

Willow looks up and so does Buffy, both of them surprised by the voice they hear. Satsu stands in the threshold of the doorway, an angry bruise starting to form on her jaw from where Faith hit her. Buffy looks at Satsu like she doesn't know what to do or say to her; about Faith or anything else. They lock eyes for a moment and Satsu finishes, "I just thought you should know."

She turns and walks away, leaving Buffy to just stare at her retreating form as another silent tear slips down her cheek. Willow rubs her arm in a comforting gesture, but it makes what Satsu just said hit her at full force and Buffy sobs, "Oh god!" before she starts crying hysterically again. Willow wraps her arms around her in a hug and Buffy holds onto her tightly, every tear that she sheds hurting her heart more than the last.

"We'll find her," Willow promises softly. She strokes Buffy's hair and whispers softly, "I promise we'll find her, Buffy…"

* * *

The bottle of Jack tips to her lips and she swallows the liquid in one smooth motion; feeling the burn all the way down her esophagus. Faith isn't really sure where she is, but it doesn't matter. It's a hotel room, it has a bed, she has liquor and that's good enough.

It feels weird in here though; it's so bright and colorful, so _nice._ She's never checked out of her head and said fuck you to everything in an expensive hotel room before. She feels like she should be back in some seedy little joint, like her motel room back in Sunnydale. Places like that give her an odd sort of comfort, something she always thought money would provide her. But she doesn't need the money; she doesn't need all these nice little things when she's too busy trying to find her sanity at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

So she sits in the dark instead, the world around her beginning to spin slightly from the cloudy haze that's begun to settle in her mind after each gulp. She doesn't know where she's going to go or what she's going to do, but wherever it is it'll be far away from Buffy and anything that has to do with her. Right now though, in this moment, her only goal is to forget in any way that she can. Liquor helps with that a lot.

There's a soft knock on her hotel room door and she turns to look at it, a drunken smirk begins to creep across her features.

Women help with that lot too.

This isn't normally her style, but she has money now because of the Council's funds and the last fucking thing she's in the mood for is a party, or any kind of normal human social interaction. So she climbs off the bed in only an oversized t shirt and starts to make her way over to the door; hoping she isn't swaying as much as everything is actually moving around her. Her hand grasps the door handle and she pulls it open to be greeted on the other side by an attractive, slender brunette that gives her a small smile in greeting before walking into her hotel room wordlessly.

Brunette; nothing like Buffy. Big fuckin' tits; also not like Buffy… and that was the point.

"Faith?" she presumes as Faith shuts the door behind her. Faith nods in acknowledgement and she introduces herself, "I'm Candi." The girl isn't Scottish, Faith can tell that by her accent, but she's not exactly sure where she's from.

She's pretty sure she doesn't care either.

"Sure you are," Faith says disbelievingly and dismissively as she walks back over to the bed, sitting down on it as she puts the bottle of Jack back on the bedside table and grabs her pants off the floor, digging through her pockets for her wallet. She looks up at her as she finds it, getting to the point, "How much?"

"Three hundred and fifty pounds for the hour," the girl responds.

Faith starts pulling out her money, counting it haphazardly before handing her a stack of bills. Candi smiles at her in thanks, putting away her compensation. Faith sticks her wallet back into her pants pocket and throws them on the ground before leaning back on the bed on her elbow, expectantly.

Candi can tell that this isn't a client who's going to pay her for her conversation, so she shrugs off her coat before slowly starting to undress in front of her. Faith watches every move she makes; her eyes trailing over every inch of her body that slowly becomes exposed to her hungry eyes. An expert at seduction; Candi takes her time with every detail of undressing to make it an erotic experience. Faith's never usually this patient, but she's felt so numb and detached that she's not looking to be aggressive tonight; just merely looking for a second away from the madness in her own head.

When Candi is completely nude before her, she walks over to Faith like a huntress to its prey, the predatory look in her eye igniting fire to Faith's loins. She slowly strips off her own shirt, throwing it onto the floor and leaving herself nude as well, just as Candi starts to crawl across the bed to her like a panther.

When she's over her, looking down at Faith in her drunken, numb stupor, she leans down and whispers in her ear, "What would you like me to do?"

Faith's hands find her hips, trailing her fingertips slowly upwards over the curve of her waist to land on her ribcage. What would she like her to do? It's such a loaded question and filled with so many dirty, kinky possibilities that under any other circumstances Faith would have a lot of fun with. But not now, not today, and not with the way she feels.

"I don't fuckin' care," she tells her honestly, hoping the creamy complexion of her skin and its softness will provide her with a good enough distraction for the hour. "Just make me forget my goddamn name."

* * *

Buffy can hear Giles, Willow, and Xander arguing in the next room. She's still lying on the couch, arms wrapped around herself. She stopped crying about an hour ago but she's pretty sure it's because she's already used up all the available liquid in her body. Now she just feels exhausted; physically, emotionally, and mentally. She wishes they would just stop yelling for two minutes, but it seems too much to hope for.

"How could you just let her leave?!" Giles exclaims, furious. "Her mental state is highly dependent on her emotional stability which it seems has shattered completely! Why did no one think to inform me that Buffy and Faith were romantically involved? Both of you know their history and surely could assume that it'd prove to be a volatile combination!"

"Okay, first of all, we didn't _let_ her do anything," Xander defends. "I didn't even know all of this happened until I came downstairs to a mad house. Second—"

"Second, I don't think it's any of yours or anyone else's business what Buffy and Faith decide to do with their romantic lives!" Willow interjects, furious. Xander points at her and looks at Giles like 'Exactly.'

"While Buffy has made it quite clear that she does not need me anymore, Faith on the other hand is still my responsibly and—" Giles starts, but is interrupted.

"So that gives you the right to pass judgment her romantic interests?!" Willow exclaims.

"It gives me the right to protect her!" Giles fumes. "I love Buffy as if she were my own daughter, but surely all of you thought of the consequences of her and Faith getting involved like that; they are not good for one another! Faith's always set her life around and comparing herself to Buffy's standards ever since she met her, maybe even before! She has had an unhealthy infatuation with her since the beginning and part of the reason why I was so keen on her helping the rogues was not just for her redemption but to show her that she is useful and needed and that she can find a life of her own that doesn't revolve around Buffy!"

"She's in love with her, Giles!" Willow protests. "Of course her life is going to revolve around her!"

"Don't you even care about Buffy?" Xander asks furiously, pointing into the other room where the girl lay. "The woman you claim to love like your own daughter has been breaking completely in half in there and all you can talk about is Faith!"

"Of course I care!" Giles exclaims angrily. "It pains me to see her this way and it infuriates me that it got to this point in the first place. I don't care how and I don't care why it happened; all I know is that it did, just as I've feared it would if they ever took their relationship to the next level. I'm not as old and as blind as you all believe me to be; I have seen not only Faith's affections for her but Buffy's for Faith as well and that is why I tried to keep them relatively separated! The Slayer essence is strongest in both of them and it renders them unable to coexist peacefully!"

"You don't know that! And they're _adults,_ Giles!" Willow screams. "Maybe being with each other is bad for them, maybe they can't _coexist_ peacefully, or whatever you want to believe, but they have the right to learn that on their own either way!"

"Well they certainly have now, haven't they?" Giles says dryly.

"I don't believe it," Xander protests, folding his arms across his chest and narrowing his eyes at Giles. "I saw how happy being with Buffy made Faith, and vice versa. Buffy made a bad decision and Faith had a bad reaction, but I don't think it's unfixable and I really don't think that we should try to keep them apart just because of this."

"This isn't up for discussion," Giles says firmly. "When we locate Faith I will be leaving with her immediately."

"That's not your decision; it's Faith's!" Willow yells, even though she knows that if Faith already ran away, she more than likely would choose to run farther with Giles.

"Well then we shall see what Faith thinks of the idea," Giles says coldly before turning and walking out of the room. Willow seethes as she watches him leave, then looks over at Xander who looks a little helpless. Neither of them wants Faith to just leave; not only would it destroy Buffy but it would probably make things worse for Faith in the long run as well.

Willow sighs and leans back against the wall, her head pounding. "I need to find Kennedy; she can help us get Faith once we locate her," she tells Xander.

"I haven't seen Kennedy in hours," he tells her.

"She was outside when everything happened," comes Buffy's soft, fragile voice. Both Xander and Willow turn towards the doorway in surprise to see her up and standing; functioning. She's still holding herself, her eyes still red from crying but she tells them, "She ran after Faith once she went back inside."

"Crud," Willow says, letting out another sigh. She knows where she is; "She followed her, she must have."

"So now we have two Slayers to find?" Xander asks, the exhaustion from the day's events clear in his voice.

"Don't worry, it'll be easier for me to find Kennedy than to find Faith," Willow tells him, then looks at Buffy who's still standing there silently, seemingly lost in her own world. "If they're together then we'll find her," she tells Buffy, but she doesn't really seem to comprehend that.

"Why is it easier for you to find Kennedy?" Xander asks.

Willow smiles softly, "Because we're connected."

**TBC…**


	15. Opening Up, Breaking Down

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
****Opening Up, Breaking Down**

Thirty four minutes; that's how long it takes before her escape from reality gets ripped out from underneath her.

"Fuck," Faith swears, slightly breathless as she hears the pounding on the door. Candi looks up between her thighs and Faith growls in annoyance before yelling to whoever the hell is screwing up her evening, "The 'Do Not Disturb' sign ain't for show, jackass! Leave me the fuck alone!"

There's silence for a moment and Faith figures that whoever it was went away and was about to instruct Candi to continue, until there's a crash and the latch on the door busts completely. Well fuck, that ain't the bellboy. The handle with the broken lock turns and the door swings open, revealing Kennedy.

"Mother fucker," Faith groans, not bothering to even cover up herself. She just puts her arm over her eyes and counts backwards from ten to keep herself from ripping the girl's windpipe from her throat.

Kennedy's eyes flicker across the room to take in the scene with a look of mild irritation etched on her face. "Well, at least you aren't actively contemplating suicide," she notes dryly. She looks at the girl on the bed that's with Faith and gives her a sarcastic smile, "Hi," she greets her, then her face changes to one of warning and she tells her flatly, "Get out."

"Ken, I swear to fuck," Faith groans, sitting up to grab her oversized t-shirt from off the floor while Candi silently dresses, probably thinking Kennedy's her girlfriend and doesn't want to get involved in the drama. "You have the worst fuckin' timing."

"You know how long it took me to find you?" Kennedy snaps. She lost Faith two hours ago and has been searching hotels around the area since. "Which by the way; 'Hope Lyonne'? Yeah, you're a master of deception; using an alias we all already know, to check in."

"Only other fuckin' ID I had," Faith says, irritated as she slips her shirt over her head. She looks at Candi who's about to leave and calls out, "Hey!" Candi turns and she asks, "Since I only got half my time do I get half my cash back?"

Kennedy's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh for the love of—" she starts, exasperated. She turns to the escort and tells her, "Keep the money; just go."

The girl leaves in a hurry and Kennedy closes the door behind her, looking at Faith pick up the bottle of Jack and take a long swig. "A hooker, Faith? _Really?"_

"Fuck off. What'dya want?" She takes another swig of the alcohol and Kennedy makes a face.

"Jesus, how drunk are you right now?" she asks, watching as Faith looks a little unsteady even as she's sitting down.

"Fuckin' five by five," Faith answers, slurring a little bit; she really is too drunk to deal with this bullshit. She's _definitely _too drunk to deal with Kennedy properly; otherwise she would've put a Slayer shaped hole in the wall for interrupting her sex.

Faith takes one last swig, finishing the bottle before throwing it unceremoniously on the floor. Kennedy just stares at it for a second before her eyes land on Faith again, who lies back on the bed. "Alright, not that I don't get the whole depressed thing, cause I do; I was a wreck when Willow left me… but don't start this shit, Faith. You still have a life to get back to; still have responsibilities. Don't let Buffy ruin everything you've been doing for the past couple years."

Faith just snorts in amused annoyance before turning her head to the side to look at her. "Ya think B's ruinin' my life now?"

"You're trying to run away, aren't you?" Kennedy counters with a pointed look. Faith doesn't say anything and Kennedy crosses the room to sit next to her on the bed. She watches Faith look away from her, staring the ceiling as her whole body shows exactly how many bricks she's laying in the wall she's putting up around her.

"Faith…" she tries softly, trying to get through, but she interrupted.

"Look, Kennedy," Faith snaps, her eyes training on hers again. "I appreciate ya tellin' me about, B, alright? But don't fuckin' sit there and tell me what I can and can't do; this is my fuckin' life."

"Jesus, Faith!" Kennedy exclaims, exasperated. "You were dating her for what; a week? You seriously think that's worth throwing everything away for?!"

"You don't fuckin' get it!" Faith yells, sitting up quickly; getting in Kennedy's face. All the alcohol she consumed gives her a slight head rush, but she ignores it.

"Then explain it to me!"

"Fuck this; fuck _you,"_ Faith spits out, getting off the bed as she grows more agitated; needing to move. She starts pacing before she rounds on her and points in her face. "You can't just come in here and demand shit from me! Ya know what? You fuckin' came here and interrupted the only goddamn release I needed. Ya wanna make yourself useful, Ken? Get undressed and finished what the whore started."

"I'm not going to fuck you just to make you forget about Buffy," Kennedy tells her flatly.

Faith gets a feral look in her eye and she stalks towards her before swinging her legs on either side of Kennedy; straddling her. Kennedy doesn't move, but doesn't look amused either. Faith bites her lower lip and smirks, running her hands up her chest before pressing her lips close to the younger girl's ear. "Come on K… know you've always wanted to touch this…" she breathes.

"Faith; cut the crap. I'm not—" Kennedy tries, taking Faith's hands off of her, but she's interrupted by Faith's lips pressing against hers before she can finish her sentence.

Kennedy's eyes flutter closed automatically, her lips yielding to Faith's request without permission from her brain. Faith's tongue plunges in her mouth; kissing Kennedy with every ounce of lust, anger, passion, and sadness that she has in her. Her hands start wandering again, cupping Kennedy's breasts over her shirt roughly; making the woman beneath her emit a soft moan.

Hearing herself moan seems to snap Kennedy out of it though and she tears her lips away from Faith, gasping a little before her eyes narrow and she roughly shoves Faith off of her. Faith barely catches herself before she falls flat on the floor. "Do you have some kind of mental deficiency?!" Kennedy snaps.

Faith just smirks, amused. "Seems you're the one with the deficiency, Ken; you want it, I can feel it. So just stop being such a pussy and go with it." She starts to crawl back over to her but Kennedy pushes her away again.

"It doesn't matter if I do or not; fucking you doesn't solve anything. Not to mention it makes _my _life more complicated, or did you forget the reason I came back?"

Faith rolls her eyes, "Well you and Red ain't back together yet, are you?"

"No, but—"

"Then ya ain't cheatin'," Faith tells her. She licks her bottom lip slowly, trying not to smirk from the satisfaction of seeing Kennedy watch her tongue with more than just a passing interest.

"That's not the point," Kennedy tells her, allowing her eyes to look into Faith's instead of at her mouth since that's like playing with fire at this point. "Fucking me isn't gonna make you magically feel better and it ain't gonna make Buffy less of a liar or you less of a pathetic mess. Can't you act like an adult for once and deal with your problems like a normal person?"

"Fuck off."

"Mature," Kennedy says dryly before sighing. "Faith just… shit, will you just _talk_ to me?"

"About what?!" Faith exclaims, drunk and frustrated in more ways than one. "About how I've only ever loved one goddamn person and like everything else in my fuckin' life; the shit gets taken from me before it's even really started? Is _that_ what ya wanna talk about?! Cause I ain't fuckin' lookin' to get more depressed here! Just let it go!"

"Letting it go doesn't make it better!"

"WELL IT SURE AS FUCK DOESN'T MAKE IT WORSE!" Faith screams before standing up running her fingers through her hair and letting out an aggravated scream before she punches the wall. The plaster cracks around her hand and she just stares at the spider web pattern, breathing heavily.

Kennedy gets off the bed and walks over to her slowly. Faith doesn't turn, but she can feel her come up behind her. Faith stiffens at Kennedy's first touch; a hand place tentatively on her shoulder. When Faith doesn't pull away Kennedy wraps her arms around her from behind and puts her head on her shoulder; trying to calm her. "Okay, I'll drop it for a little while. Just relax, okay?" she whispers.

Faith starts breathing a little more regularly, but she's still shaking a little from her anger. She can feel the hot sting of tears in her eyes, but she doesn't allow them to fall. She sucks in a large breath of air and continues to stare at the wall while Kennedy's hand strokes her stomach lightly over her shirt. It surprises Faith how much that one simple gesture actually helps calm her down.

The problem is though; the position they're in is a little too intimate. Kennedy hasn't held someone like this in over a year and Faith… it's only been once for her and she didn't realize how much she actually missed intimacy until right then. She's always been the type to screw and leave; no cuddling, nothing that means anything to anyone.

Both women are silent, both becoming increasingly aware of their bodies pressed together. Faith moves first; her hand sliding up her stomach to rest on Kennedy's. It's a simple gesture, and maybe it was just to tell Kennedy that she appreciates that she's there for her; that she has the ability to calm her. Whatever it was, Kennedy lightly places her lips on the back of Faith's neck; kissing her once before she can get the control to stop herself. She meant it as an 'I get it' gesture; something to tell her that she's there for her, but Faith doesn't exactly take it as that and it makes Kennedy question if she even meant it that way in the first place.

Faith's eyes close at the soft kiss and her grip on Kennedy's hand tighten just a little, trying to encourage her. Kennedy looks at her silently, every inch of her body screaming at her to just take what she wants while her brain is telling her that she's an idiot if she gives in. But she leans in again and kisses the side of Faith's neck, who rolls her neck to the side to give her some room, her breathing picking up a little as she starts to slowly slide Kennedy's hand up her body.

Kennedy starts sucking on the tender flesh softly as Faith guides her hand upwards, stopping beneath the swell of her breast, not going all the way because she's pretty sure it'll snap Kennedy out of it and she's kind of enjoying the attention. Kennedy places another light kiss on the back of her neck, then the side, down to her shoulder. Trying to let her brain have some say in this, and trying to let Faith know there's a line she whispers, "I'm just trying to make you feel better; I'm not going to have sex with you…"

"Whatever," Faith breathes, the alcohol clouding her mind and the intimate kisses sending her into a bit of a daze. At this point she doesn't really care; she just needs something to help her forget and even as minimal as this is, it's helping.

Kennedy laces their fingers together and softly pulls Faith around to face her. When Faith turns, Kennedy searches her eyes, seeing so much pain and sadness behind them that it breaks her heart. She gives her a soft smile before reaching up and touching her face; caressing it softly. Faith just stands there looking at her; unmoving. It's a kind of moment she's never had before and she doesn't really understand it; no one's ever tried to ease her pain this way before. It's always been drugs, booze, and sex.

Kennedy lets go of her hand to be able to wrap her arms around her, pulling her close to her. Faith hesitates for a moment before she tentatively wraps her own arms around Kennedy, a weird feeling coming to the surface. She buries her face in Kennedy's neck, trying to get a hold of her emotions. Usually when she starts to feel like this she channels all of her energy into being angry, but Kennedy has kind of squashed that and instead she has this new feeling that's terrifying her.

Kennedy tightens her hold on Faith and kisses her neck softly before telling her quietly, noticing her starting to tense, "You're okay, Faith. You're okay…"

"I'm fuckin' in love with her, Ken," Faith tells her suddenly, her voice breaking as the emotion behind that comes to light. She squeezes her eyes shut tight, not allowing any tears to flow as she hides her face in Kennedy's neck, trying to deal.

"I know," Kennedy tells her quietly, sympathetically. She lets her hands softly stroke Faith's back, but keeps a firm grip on her, not allowing her to step away now that she's actually making some progress in getting Faith to talk and show emotions like a normal human being. "I'm sorry you're hurting…"

"It feels like I'm fuckin' getting torn _apart_ inside," Faith corrects roughly, her voice still cracking under the strain of trying not to cry. But it's started already; not just the one tear that falls from her eye, but the opening up. Faith will blame the liquor later, sure, but most of it has to do with Kennedy and her being the only other person in the world that Faith knows actually cares. "She doesn't fuckin' trust me…"

"How do you know?" Kennedy asks softly, trying to avoid affirming or denying anything because it can end up making Faith turn defensive again. She just continues to stroke her back softly but when Faith doesn't say anything she kisses her neck lightly again, under her ear and repeats quietly, "Faith… how do you know that?" Faith shakes her head, trying to pull away, but Kennedy tightens her grip and pulls her back. "Tell me, Faith."

"Because of what she _did,"_ Faith tells her, horrified to hear a sob escape her lips. She starts to get defensive again and pushes away from Kennedy, trying to get away from her, but Kennedy still won't let her go and she's too drunk and upset to get much of an upper hand in the matter. "Fuckin' quit, Ken, I'm done, I'm fuckin' _done,"_ she tells her, her voice choked from the tears that won't stop falling as she tries to get away frantically.

"No," Kennedy tells her firmly, pulling her close to her once again. "No, Faith, you need to let this out. Come on, shhh, calm down…" Faith stills for a second before tearing herself from her grasp. She moves to hit her but Kennedy sees it coming and grabs her wrist. "Faith, come on, relax…"

"I can't _fuckin'_ relax!" Faith cries, frustrated and upset as Kennedy finally holds her relatively still against her. She's about to try to scream, get away again, but then Kennedy's lips meet hers and Faith responds automatically. Kennedy kisses her until Faith has stopped trying to get away and when she pulls back she whispers across her lips:

"Tell me why you think she doesn't trust you, Faith." This is probably the most messed up way to get Faith to open up, but she has been having some progress at least.

Faith lets out an aggravated, distressed sigh and pushes away from her again, but not before her mouth tells Kennedy, without any kind of permission from her brain, "Because she didn't fuckin' tell me! She still thinks I'm the psycho bitch that's gonna react like a train wreck over something so fucking _stupid!"_

Kennedy bites her tongue before she tells Faith that she _did _act like a train wreck over it. She doesn't say anything, she just holds Faith, letting her calm down a little. Faith eventually stops struggling against her and lets out a sigh of defeat, feeling herself break in half. She tries to steady her breathing, hoping that will help with her crying problem she seems to have right now.

"You think her sleeping with Satsu is stupid?" Kennedy asks lightly, softly, continuing to stoke Faith's back softly, trying to keep her calm.

Faith laughs; this detached, sad sort of laugh. "Yeah… no, I don't fuckin' know. She coulda just told me… it woulda sucked but at least I woulda fuckin' knew that she wasn't scared that I'd go psychotic over it." She bites her lower lip, staring at the wall over Kennedy's shoulder as her arms tighten around her; maybe accepting her help finally.

"Faith…" Kennedy starts softly, realizing something. "Did you… act that way because that's the way Buffy expected you to act?"

"Don't fuckin' analyze me," Faith says flatly, but it's not defensive and she doesn't move away from Kennedy's arms.

"You gotta see what you're doing, Faith," Kennedy tells her firmly, but quietly. "You think Buffy doesn't trust you so you make sure she has a reason not to; you're destroying this yourself." Faith tenses at the brutal honesty in that and Kennedy adds quickly, "I'm not saying what Buffy did was right, because it's not. You have every right to be pissed off and hurt; I would be too. But don't self destruct over it. If you need space from Buffy that's fine, but if you really love her and you want to be with her, don't throw it away just because you're scared she'll never see past all your history together."

"It's not that fuckin' simple."

"Yeah," Kennedy tells her seriously. She pulls away from Faith a little to look her in the eye and she gives her a small smile before bringing her hand up to wipe away the last of the tears on Faith's cheeks. "It really is."

"You don't get how this _feels,"_ Faith exclaims angrily, pushing away from her again. It feels like she's suffocating. Kennedy lets her go and watches Faith sit down heavily on the bed, running a shaky hand through her tangled locks.

"No?" Kennedy replies, agitation clear in her voice. She walks over to her and sits down on the bed next to her and says, "Faith look at me." Faith shifts her eyes to look at her, but still looks defensive. Kennedy goes on, "You don't think that when Willow left me I wanted to curl up into a ball and just _die?_ Huh?" Faith doesn't say anything and she tells her, "I know what it's like to feel like you can't breathe you hurt so much. I know what it's like to feel like all the happiness you both shared feels like it was all a lie, and I know how it feels when you believe you can't possibly be happy again."

"I'm not that fuckin' melodramatic," Faith says flatly, ignoring that every single thing that Kennedy says rings true to her ears.

Kennedy laughs, amused but at the same time completely _not._ "Faith, you ran away and locked yourself in a hotel room with a bottle of Jack and a _hooker._ You don't think that screams melodramatic?"

"Fuck off, seriously."

"Hey," Kennedy says seriously, looking at her. "Have a melodramatic moment or twelve; far be it from me to stop you. Just don't kill yourself in the process and don't forget that you actually had a life outside of Buffy before this. Remember what you were doing?"

Faith looks at her like she's stupid for even asking that question. Of course she remembers; she's not dense. But she just acted on autopilot; ran cause that's what she does best. Whether that meant she was planning to abandon what she was doing completely, she didn't know yet. She didn't have much time to think, what between the drinking and the whore.

"I just… don't think I can be around her right now," Faith tells her in an even tone, as much honesty as she's going to get right now; she's already shared more tonight than she has in her entire life. She's not gonna push it.

"Then don't. Go back to rounding up rogues with Giles," Kennedy tells her, making it sound so simple. Maybe it _is _that simple. Faith sighs and looks at her before shrugging.

"Ya really think G's gonna let me get away with runnin' without a word of goodbye?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask him." Kennedy pauses for a second and then suggests, "Maybe you should call him in the morning?"

"Maybe," Faith says, not committing to it either way. She looks down at the bed and then back up at Kennedy. She's exhausted; emotionally and physically, and she really needs to pass out. "I think…" she sighs a little, "think I'm just gonna crash out; fuckin' tired."

Kennedy nods as she gets up, planning to leave. Not leave completely of course; part of her still doesn't trust Faith not to run again. This is a hotel after all though; she can just get another room. But it surprises her when Faith nods at her casually and says, "Hey, ya wanna… stay?"

Not that she needs her to or anything, but maybe being alone isn't all it's cracked up as she used to think it was.

Kennedy tries not to look at taken aback as she feels by that offer and responds lightly, "Sure, if you don't mind. I'm beat."

Faith nods and shifts on the bed, bringing the comforter up around her as she lies in bed. Kennedy undresses to her bra and panties and crawls in next to her wordlessly. She's almost as exhausted as Faith is emotionally; not realizing how much it'd take out of her to try to get Faith to open up. She finds it worth it though and hopes like hell that she at least helped Faith be able to look at the situation past all the pain and anger she felt. She cares about her a lot and she refuses to watch Faith tear her life into shreds just because she can't find a way to handle her own emotions in a healthy way.

Faith switches out the light and rolls over on her side to look at Kennedy in the darkness. Her friend looks back at her, giving her a soft smile. "Do you feel a little better?" she asks quietly.

"Yeah," Faith tells her, honestly. She's silent for a moment, just looking at her before she tells her, "Thanks… for ya know, whatever."

Kennedy chuckles softly, amused by Faith trying to show gratitude, "You're welcome." She gives her a bit of a lopsided grin and tells her, "You're my friend, Faith. Like it or not, I give a shit, you know?"

Faith doesn't say anything for a moment; she just looks at her. It's weird; this feeling inside her. She'd call it vulnerability if she wasn't scared of sounding like such a complete twat. She's never really had a friend before though, and maybe it's stupid, but even when she considered Kennedy a friend before this, she didn't really consider her a _friend_ friend. She just kinda regarded her as someone that was cool to hang out with; not someone who gave a shit about her life.

She doesn't know exactly how to react to something like that, so she does the first thing she thinks of and leans over and kisses Kennedy softly on the lips. Kennedy's lips yield to hers for a moment, before she chuckles a little and pushes Faith off of her lightly. "Friend doesn't mean make out buddy," she reminds her with a smirk.

Faith just snorts a little, but she's not offended by that; she gets it. She just wasn't sure how to react to something like that since she's never really encountered it before.

She rolls over and lays on her back before she tells her with a smirk, "Whatever, you know if you weren't dead set on gettin' Red back that you'd let me fuck your brains out." Kennedy looks at her, amused by her bluntness, but tells her honestly:

"Yeah, I really would."

**TBC…**


	16. This Was Supposed To Be Goodbye

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
****This Was Supposed To Be Goodbye**

"I don't think this is a good idea."

Willow stops just as Buffy's legs grind to a halt, nervously wringing her hands. She looks terrified. Willow lets out a patient sigh and puts a comforting hand on her friend's arm. "I thought you wanted to see her; make sure that she doesn't leave."

Buffy shakes her head. "She… she's not going to want to see me, Will. I mean, what if she completely freaks out? Faith isn't good with the whole… being backed into a corner thing. She might feel like we're attacking her, which we're not; totally not! I just… I don't want her to just… _run."_

"It's up to you, Buffy," Willow tells her softly, looking down the hallway of the hotel that holds Faith's room. She looks back at Buffy who looks like she might pass out from her nerves.

Willow knows one way or another they will have to see Faith and try to coerce her into coming back, mainly because Faith running in this sort of mind set isn't good for anyone involved. Faith might not be one of Willow best's friends, but she does care. Faith's taken a lot of steps forward in her life and something like this shouldn't be the cause of her throwing it all away. But she does want to give Buffy a chance to try to do this herself, mainly because she needs to. She needs to see Faith and be able to apologize, even if Faith won't listen. She needs to be able to see that if she wants to try to continue this thing with her then she's going to have a lot to make up for, and this is as good of a time as any to try and start.

Buffy's silent for a moment before she takes a breath and says, "Okay…" before starting to walk down the hall again. But then she stops, changing her mind quickly. "No! Not okay. What if this makes it worse? What if she hates me more because I didn't give her space when she needed it?"

"Buffy," Willow says patiently. "We all know how Faith can get, but do you really want to leave now and run the risk of never seeing her again?"

Soft spot; hit.

"No…" Buffy admits quietly. She definitely doesn't want that, but she's afraid of Faith's reaction. Back at the castle was bad; but what if this ends up being worse? Buffy isn't sure her heart can take being stomped on any more. What Faith said to her was absolutely devastating, but after having a little time to cry, think, and calm down slightly; she knows Faith didn't mean _every_ single horrible thing she said. Some, yes, and yeah; some were deserved. But she knows better than anyone how Faith gets and how she's afraid of having real emotions; real feelings. Everything is always sex or anger with her and though it hurt… God, it hurt so much she could barely breathe… she can't let Faith just run away from everything.

Because Faith walking out of her life forever would hurt worse than any verbal abuse she's going to give her.

Buffy slowly starts walking towards Faith's door, her heart beating heavily in her chest as Willow follows. She has to remember to breathe before she passes out; telling herself over and over that it'll be fine, that walking in on Faith heartbroken and angry is going to go over like peaches and rainbows.

God, she's so delusional; this is a bad idea.

But Buffy's eyes land at the broken lock on the door of the room Faith's supposed to be in and her eyes go wide; all other thoughts forgotten. She could have been attacked; she could have been hurt, or killed! She could be lying in a ditch right now and it would be all her fault! Buffy's heart thumps loudly in her chest as Willow says slowly, warningly, "Buffy…" as she sees the broken lock; thinking the same thing Buffy is.

Buffy doesn't think, she just opens the door quickly calling out frantically, "Faith?!" as her eyes search the dark room. She lets out a relieved breath of air as she sees two figures sit up in bed automatically; preparing themselves from an attack from the intruders.

Wait… two figures?

"Oh, go fuckin' figure," Faith mumbles, realizing who just came crashing into their room in the middle of the night. Her head is pounding already and she would have been grumpy and miserable already _without _the added bonus of Buffy refusing to give her space. "Fuck this," she says before laying back down; she's too tired and everyone needs to seriously fuck off right now.

"Kennedy!?" Willow exclaims, seeing her ex girlfriend practically naked in bed with Faith. She knew Kennedy would be where Faith was but this… this isn't what she expected. There's a couch for shit's sake; is it so hard to sleep _there?!_ Willow's brain starts jumping to all sorts of conclusions as she feels her heart squeeze in her chest. She looks at her in anger and betrayal as Kennedy grabs her shirt off the floor, throwing it over her head so that she isn't in her underwear in front of the two women.

"Willow!" Kennedy exclaims, eyes wide and fear in her chest at what Willow might think. "This isn't what it looks like!" she defends quickly.

"Then what_ is_ it?" Willow asks, eyes flashing dangerously.

Buffy's eyes are on Faith though; her brain first jumping to the conclusion Willow went to; it would be just like Faith to deal with this or, well, _any_ problem with sex. She felt the hurt and betrayal but she also couldn't help but feel mildly surprised too, at least by how well Faith was taking their intrusion. She looked annoyed as hell obviously, but she wasn't screaming and beating her to pulp; that's got to be improvement. But as Faith climbs out of bed she notices something and she's able to breathe a bit easier.

"Willow," Buffy says softly, obviously relieved, "They didn't have sex." Willow looks at her, confused on how she could possibly know that and Buffy nods her head to Faith in explanation, "She has a shirt on. Faith doesn't wear clothes to bed normally, and she… well, she definitely wouldn't if she'd just had sex." She flushes a little at admitting she knows that; it's one thing to have your friends know you had lesbian sex, another to confirm it with information like that.

"Point for Blondie," Faith says flatly, still aggravated at being woken up. She feels like complete ass; this is the hangover from _hell_. She grabs her head, rubbing her temples as a headache splits through it with no remorse. She groans a little and looks up at Buffy, "What'dya want, B?"

But Buffy's just staring at her, still wondering why she's taking this relatively well. She was prepared to find Faith and be screamed at and probably slapped around a few times. Faith raises her eyebrows expectantly and Buffy remembers that's her cue to talk, "I… I just wanted to… talk." She winces at how unsure and unsteady her voice comes out.

"Personal space really is a hard concept for you to grasp, huh?" Faith says, a little bit of snap in her voice as the bitterness comes to the surface. It makes Buffy more nervous and she wants to apologize but finds that her voice apparently doesn't want to work with her today.

Why did she think coming here would be a good idea again?

"N-No… I just…" she trails off as she sees the look of almost surprise on Faith's voice from her obvious nervousness. She just falls silent and they look at each other for a moment, Buffy wringing her hands and unable to stand still.

"Kennedy…" Willow tries softly, but now Kennedy is starting to get pretty pissed off. She grabs her jeans and pulls them on, eyes flashing at her.

"Glad to see you have so much faith in me, Willow," she tells her shortly before storming past her and out of the hotel room. Willow follows after her, calling to her all the way down the hall, leaving Buffy and Faith alone in the room to just… stare at each other, apparently.

All this silence is starting to get to Faith. "Tick tock, B; time's wastin'. So just do what ya came here to do and then I can start teachin' ya about personal space and how it works."

Buffy looks a little disgruntled at that. "I know how it works! But it's not like you _told _me you needed space, you just… you ran! You didn't say anything to anyone about where you were going or when you'd be back so excuse me for worrying about you!"

Faith rolls her eyes. "You weren't worried about me, B. You came here to ease your own guilt."

"I…" Buffy starts, but then falls silence as too much of that sentence rings true and makes her feel even guiltier. They look at each other for a moment before Buffy shakes her head and paces a little, "Maybe I did, okay? But that doesn't…" she stops, turning to look at her with an expression of love and sadness on her face, "that doesn't mean I wasn't worrying. I know how you can get, Faith. And… okay, well, color me surprised that you aren't drunk, high, having sex, or beating the crap out of me, but—"

"And that's all you think of me, isn't it?" Faith interrupts, eyes hard. That makes Buffy's train of thought grind to a halt.

"Of course not!" she defends automatically. "How can you think that?"

"Oh gee, I dunno, B, maybe cause ya just listed the shit out," Faith mocks. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, getting up from the bed. "Just fuckin' forget it. Get out."

"No, Faith!" Buffy exclaims, reaching out for Faith's shoulder to have her turn around and face her, but Faith shrugs it away and steps back from her.

"Don't touch me," she warns.

Buffy's hand falls back down to her side but she presses on, "Do you really think if that's all I thought you were that I'd want to be with you? That's only a side of you, Faith."

"And it's the side you fuckin' expect!" Faith yells, turning around to face her. Damnit, she was doing so well at being calm; at dealing with this stupid situation like an adult. But now Buffy has to come crashing in here and basically fuck up everything Kennedy worked so hard to fix last night.

"What?" Buffy asks, her voice soft and confused.

"You, B. And me, and _this,"_ Faith tells her, pointing between them. "This is complete bullshit; what we're trying to do."

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asks, obviously not following Faith's train of thought. She looks at Faith as she runs her fingers though her hair in aggravation, and then she notices something. "Oh my god, is that a hickey?"

"What?" Faith asks, now being the one that's confused.

"On your neck, Faith! Is that a fucking hickey?!"

"What the fuck does it matter?"

"Because I wasn't the one who gave it to you!" Buffy screams. Her eyes are wide and she angrily grabs Faith's shirt, pulling it up to reveal that she's very much without panties. Faith shoves her hands away from her, but only before Buffy pushes her backwards hard. "You did fuck her, didn't you?!"

"I didn't fuck Ken, B. Jesus Christ," Faith snaps.

"Well you obviously did _something _with her!"

"Explain to me how that even matters!" Faith yells, getting more frustrated by the second. "In case you haven't noticed, we ain't together anymore!"

"How can you _say _that?!" Buffy screams, feeling herself getting choked up with tears again. "This is it then? I make one mistake and it's just _over, _just like that?! In case_ you _haven't noticed, Faith, you've made a hell of a lot more mistakes when it comes to us then I have!"

"See! That's what I'm fuckin' talkin' about!" Faith exclaims, pointing at her. "You're keeping score!"

"I'm _what?"_

"You think you can get a free fuckin' pass to fuck up!"

"That's not what I'm saying! That's not what I _meant!" _Buffy exclaims. "Faith, I'm sorry! You don't even understand how sorry I am and how much it hurts me that I hurt you, don't you get that?!"

"Yeah, ya sound real sorry," Faith says dryly.

"Of course I am! I _love _you, Faith!"

Faith scoffs disbelievingly, "Whatever."

The slap comes out of nowhere and leaves Faith's cheek stinging. Her eyes flash dangerously at Buffy and it takes every ounce of strength inside of her not to just take out all her frustration on Buffy's face. But Buffy is crying now, tears streaming down her face as she looks at her, completely pissed off. "No! Don't you _dare _throw that back in my face like it's nothing!" she yells. "I took your shit back at the castle because I knew I deserved it, but I'm not going to let you spit on my feelings again like they're worth shit!"

"THEY ARE WORTH SHIT!" Faith yells, and Buffy looks like she's just been struck; the shock and horror evident on her face. "You can't love me, Buffy! And it sure as fuck is laughable that you said you have since you were seventeen!"

Faith expected the punch this time, but she did nothing to stop it. She stumbles back a little, her tongue touching the inside of her cheek and tasting blood from where her tooth cut it. Buffy's furious; if looks could kill, Faith would be dead and buried right now. But Faith just smirks at her, finding something about this entire fucked up situation a little funny. Buffy however, doesn't.

"You stupid fucking bitch," Buffy growls dangerously. "Don't you dare presume to know how I feel."

"I know_ exactly_ how you feel," Faith tells her, taking a couple steps towards her to be in her face. Buffy doesn't back down, but she clenches her jaw as Faith continues, "I know exactly what you_ need_. Don't you get it, B? Everything I've fuckin' done the last seven years has been for _you!"_

That makes Buffy laugh, "Are you kidding me with this?" She shakes her head, still laughing scornfully as she wipes away her tears. "The Mayor? Trying to kill Angel? All that, because of me? You're fucking sick; don't make jokes out of that."

"It's not a fuckin' joke," Faith tells her, her voice dangerously calm. "You needed me to be the villain so you could feel important again."

"Excuse me?!" Buffy asks, her mouth open in shock. "What the hell are you—"

"You, Buffy!" Faith exclaims, pointing at her as she starts to rant. "You hated when I came to Sunnydale, and don't fuckin' pretend like ya didn't! You hated that your friends liked me, you hated the way I lived, who I am! You hated that I had something you didn't, that I had fuckin' _freedom._ You hated me the second you laid eyes on me and that's why you left me in that dirty motel room, that's why you fuckin' didn't ever bother to hang out with me, that's why you _fuckin' _made sure I had no friends! You wanted me out of your fuckin' life the minute I came into it!"

"That's not true!" Buffy screams. "I wanted us to be friends, but you were always so closed off! And I tried, you know; I invited you over for Christmas, didn't I?!"

"Joyce invited me, B! _Not you!"_ Faith exclaims. It wasn't that hard to figure out at the time.

Buffy falls silent for a moment, knowing that part is true. But she tries to make excuses by stuttering, "W-Well… I was the one that came over to invite you!" Yeah, okay, that one wasn't winning any points in the long run. "Besides, that doesn't explain you going evil because you thought it was what I wanted! How do you think I could want something like that?!"

"Because when I came to town you realized you weren't the special one anymore!" Faith yells. "Two girls in all the world now, not just one; not just _you!"_

"Hey! Kendra came before you, you know!" Buffy defends.

"But she wasn't around as much as I was! You didn't have to see her every day, did you?!"

"No, but—"

"And you couldn't handle it. You hated that you had to share the spotlight! You hated that you hated me because of it and needed a _real _reason to hate me so yeah, I gave you one!" Faith screams, getting in her face.

Buffy pushes her back hard. "I didn't ask for any of that!" She was starting to feel sick, too much of that ringing true to her ears. It was so fucked up that it couldn't be true though, right?

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO!" Faith yells. "But I did it for you; I do everything for you, Buffy! I was bad because you needed me to be, I tried the whole redemption thing out for size because you were starting to feel too guilty, I went to fuckin' _jail _because you wanted me too, I came back to Sunnydale because you needed me too, and I fuckin' went ballistic over Satsu because you needed me to make you feel like shit over it! I know you better than you know yourself, B!"

"So you were horrible to me because you thought I needed it?! That's completely ridiculous! I'm not that much of a masochist!"

"You _are _that much of a masochist, Buffy! We're Slayers; we both are! We both need the pain that we give each other _because that's what makes us feel like we're alive!"_

"See!" Buffy exclaims, pointing at her dramatically. "And that right there is your problem! You think it's always about pain and hate and anger; but what about the good stuff, huh?! What about when we kiss, when we make love, when we just _smile_ at each other? Or are you that fucked up that none of that makes you feel alive?!"

"Of course it does, but that's not the point!"

"Then what is?!" Buffy screams then adds sarcastically, "Since you're all knowing, why don't you enlighten me a little, Faith?!"

"We can't do this, B! That's the fuckin' point! We may love each other but it just ain't ever gonna fuckin' work because apparently we can't express love like normal fucking people!"

"HEY! I express mine fine!" Buffy defends, then pauses, eyes going wide. "Wait… what?" Didn't Faith tell her she didn't really love her yesterday?

"Oh right, sure B. You express yours fuckin' ace with deciding it's easier to hate me," Faith says flatly.

"No, shut up; hold on," Buffy says, waving her hands in front of her to stop Faith and to try to think. "Did you just tell me you love me, and then admit I love you? Weren't you just screaming at me that I didn't not ten minutes ago?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes! And you… ugghh _damnit,_ Faith!" Buffy exclaims, pushing Faith back so hard she can't regain her balance and goes toppling down on the bed.

"What the fuck was that for?!"

"FOR SCREWING ME AROUND!" Buffy yells, coming over to her. "For telling me you loved me and then taking it back and for saying it again now! Make up your damn mind!" Faith tries to sit up but Buffy pushes her back down on the bed hard with one hand while she all but crawls on top of her, pinning her there.

"Obviously I fuckin' love you, Buffy! What, did you think I revolved my whole life around you cause I was _bored?!"_ Faith exclaims angrily, trying to sit up but now Buffy has swung a leg over her hips and is using two hands to hold her down; she isn't going anywhere.

"Then stop being such a pig headed idiot and just go with what you feel, Faith!" Buffy exclaims. She lets out an exasperated sigh and asks, "Why do you have to always make everything complicated? Why can't you just love me and I just love you and everything can just work out?"

"Because life doesn't fuckin' work that way, Buffy."

"It doesn't because you won't let it!"

"You cheated on me!" Faith protests, not bothering at all trying to get up anymore because she knows she's pinned, but she does shove her a little bit.

"No, actually I didn't! I never slept with Satsu after you and I got together!" Buffy defends loudly.

"You still lied to me!"

"And I said I was sorry! I was an idiot, okay? I was an idiot and I was selfish not to tell you, but this isn't as big of a deal as you're making it out to be!" Faith opens her mouth to speak but is cut off by Buffy instantly, "And don't give me that crap about how you need to make it this way for me; maybe I did need you too at the castle but right now I'm so done with all this shit. You're not doing this for me; you're doing it because you're scared and want to run away!"

"I'm not fuckin' scared."

She's totally fucking scared.

"You're terrified that we might actually have something good besides all the pain!" Buffy exclaims. "You've grown used to me hurting you and you hurting me that you can't fathom the idea that there's something out there that's different; that's _better!"_ She lets out a breath and looks down at Faith, sadness, longing, fear, and desperation in her eyes and she leans her forehead against hers, closing her eyes as she whispers, "Damnit, Faith. I need you… please don't run from me."

"You don't need me," Faith tells her softly, letting Buffy lay on top of her. Buffy's grip has slackened and Faith could have moved, but she found that she can't. She's starting to feel emotional again and she's afraid if she gets up she's gonna start crying and then break something, so she stays still.

"Fuck you, yes I do. Don't…" Buffy chokes up a little, lifting her head up a little to look down at the woman beneath her. A tear falls from her eye and lands on Faith's cheek and she wipes it off with her thumb, her voice hitching as she tells her, "Don't do this, please. I know we're both messed up, okay? But I… I do need you. It hurts every second that I'm away from you; it always has."

Faith sighs, starting to feel guilty and trapped so she pushes Buffy off of her and sits up, needing air to breathe. She rests her elbows on her knees and purses her lips together, shaking her head a little as she tells her quietly and without looking at her, "I just need space, B. Need to get out and clear my head a little."

"I can give you space; I can give you tons of space! I'll stay completely away from you, but I just… I need you to stay here; in Scotland. Please…" Buffy begs, reaching over and taking one of Faith's hands in hers. Faith looks over at her; Buffy's tear stained cheeks and desperate look and it breaks her heart because Buffy is too strong to resort to begging like this. It infuriates her because it makes her feel like she broke her in some way.

Faith takes her hand away from her and stands up, putting more distance between them. "I'm no good for you, B."

"It's not up to you to make that decision," Buffy tells her firmly, wiping away another tear that falls down her cheek. "It's up to me to decide if you're good for me, and you _are."_

"Look, I ain't sayin' that I'm gonna be gone forever," Faith tells her, leaning against the wall and folding her arms across her chest like she's trying to protect herself. "I'll come back."

"When?"

"I don't know."

"And you want me to just what, wait around for you?" Buffy asks disbelievingly.

"Didn't say that."

"So you _are _breaking up with me then?" Buffy asks, voice catching in her throat at the emotion behind that.

"Didn't say that either," Faith replies.

"Damnit, Faith! Will you make sense for once?!" Buffy exclaims, frustrated beyond belief now. She gets up off the bed and in two strides she's over to her, pushing her a little in her desperation as she gets in her face. "I _love _you!"

"I love you too!" Faith exclaims, frustrated too. "But I don't know what I want right now!"

"I thought you wanted me!"

"I do!"

"Do you listen to yourself when you speak?!" Buffy asks, irritated and confused. "What is wrong with your train of thought?!"

"I don't know! I just know I need some space so can you please fuckin' give it to me?!"

Buffy steps away from her, looking at her like she doesn't understand what's going on. She shakes her hair, running her fingers through her hair as she paces. "This doesn't make any sense! I don't even know why you're leaving anymore! I thought it was because of what happened with Satsu but you… you've barely said anything about that! What the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know, okay?!" Faith yells. Her frustration and confusion is to a peak and she grabs Buffy's hand and pulls her towards her, suddenly crashing her lips against hers. Buffy kisses her back, but Faith ends it too quickly and whispers across her lips, "I'm fuckin' in love with you, Buffy, okay? So much. But I just… I gotta leave."

"Don't… please…" Buffy begs softly, more tears squeezing out of her eyes. She holds onto Faith, afraid to let her go. "I don't understand…"

"I love you," Faith repeats softly before kissing her once, lightly on the lips. It was so final that it breaks Buffy's heart in half. "You're everything to me… and that's the fuckin' problem." She tries to pull away from her but Buffy refuses to let her go.

"No! Faith, stop trying to destroy everything! Just fucking _stop it!"_

"B, let me go!"

"No!" Buffy cries, choking up as she sobs. "No! You're not just going to walk out on me like this! You can't say that loving me is the problem!"

"Don't make me hit you, Buffy! Just let me go!" Faith tells her, grabbing Buffy's wrists and using her thumbs to press down on a pressure point that makes Buffy gasp in pain and her fingers let go of her shirt. Faith backs away and grabs her jeans off the floor, trying to get dressed before she leaves. But Buffy's desperate and she's not going to let that happen.

The punch connects with Faith's face so hard she stumbles back, her lip bleeding as she lands on the bed. She looks up at Buffy; angry and surprised but Buffy just gets on top of her and kisses her hard, sucking the blood from her wound as she holds Faith's arms down with every bit of strength that she has in her. "I love you, you fucking moron," Buffy breathes against her lips, slipping her thigh between Faith's legs and pressing up hard against her so that she gasps in pleasure. She looks down at Faith, seeing the wave of emotions pass across her face; love, hate, lust, anger.

Buffy slides her hand up Faith's shirt, raking her nails up her torso as she watches Faith bite back a moan before rolling her hips harder against her thigh automatically. Buffy looks at her, every ounce of passion and seriousness in her voice as she whispers in her ear in the most claiming voice Faith has ever heard, "And I am _not _letting you go."

**TBC…**


	17. Why It'll Never Work

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
****Why It'll Never Work**

Well, this isn't exactly how Faith planned this moment to go.

"Buffy…" Faith tries, but it comes out more as a moan from the friction Buffy's thigh is having against her clit. Buffy's not holding her down forcefully anymore, but she couldn't move even if she tried. Her brain is screaming at her to not make this more complicated than it already is, but one touch from Buffy and her brain might as well be useless for all the good it's doing her right now.

Plus, the whole dominatrix Buffy thing is hotter than words can ever describe and Faith isn't one to kick a gift horse in the mouth, considering this is Buffy fantasy number twenty seven.

She's still pissed off and her need to run is fueling her adrenaline, but Buffy is sucking hard on her neck, right over the hickey that Kennedy left her. Buffy's need to reclaim her allows for a flood of desire to spill down her thighs as she grabs onto her back, arching her back as she gasps, fingernails digging in as Buffy bites her roughly. When she's done properly marking her, her lips press against Faith's ear and she whispers throatily, "You're _mine_, Faith."

Faith could have sworn that she had a proper response to that, however all that managed to come out of her mouth was something that she was horrified to realize resembled close to a whimper; and Faith _doesn't_ whimper. She can feel Buffy smile against her neck at her little victory as her hand slides up Faith's torso slowly, dragging the shirt with her. With every little bit of skin that's exposed she'll shift her thigh, the slight friction against Faith's clit making her gasp softly. "Say it, Faith," Buffy coos softly in her ear, a slight taunt behind it because of her obvious power over her.

"You're getting cocky," Faith retorts with a smirk, finally finding her voice. As her hands descend Buffy's body of their own accord, she turns her head to get Buffy to look at her. Buffy's eyes flicker down to meet her own and she bites her lower lip softly as her hand stops shy of Faith's breast; resting on her ribcage. She looks a little more than cocky right now, and it should probably piss Faith off rather than turn her on.

Buffy leans down, but when Faith tries to kiss her she pulls away a little, just out of reach, and smirks. "You could have hit me back and ran by now," she explains in a whisper, ghosting her lips across Faith's. "I'm not holding you down anymore…" Her lips connect with Faith's for a moment and they kiss; lips, tongue, teeth, and bruising passion until Buffy pulls away and Faith groans from the lack of contact.

"You could have told me you didn't want me anymore; that you really are leaving," Buffy goes on in a soft voice, trailing her lips across Faith's jaw. "But all I see you doing is grinding your _very_ wet pussy against my thigh," Buffy presses her thigh harder against Faith and her hips buck in response; confirming it. Buffy smirks as Faith's breathing starts to become a little shallow and her hands slide down to grab her ass.

There's just something about Buffy; Ms. Prim and Proper, using the word 'pussy' that gets Faith going like nobody's business.

Buffy seems to know it too and her lips trail back down to her ear just as her hand finally ascends over her ribcage to land on her breast. As she rolls Faith's nipple between her fingers and watches her lover bite back a moan she chuckles a little and finishes, "So yeah, I think I have a reason to be cocky, Faith."

"Jesus, B; just fuck me," Faith breathes before she can stop herself. Shit, she's about to make things so much worse, isn't she? But she can't help herself and she damn sure can't stop herself either. She's also letting Buffy top the hell out of her, which is something she already knows she'll only ever do for her. It's a weird switch; being on the submissive end of things. It makes her feel vulnerable, but it also has some sort of sexy quality around it that completely overrides the fear she usually gets when she's unguarded. But then again, that may just be because of Buffy.

The rules always seem to change for her, don't they?

Fuck. She should leave before this gets any worse. She was supposed to be getting space, having time to think and this isn't helping. Yeah, leaving is a good plan. She can just push Buffy off of her and tell her that this isn't gonna just magically fix shit. She should leave right—

Her thoughts are interrupted by a moan as Buffy's thigh is replaced by her fingers slipping through her wet folds. That was it; Faith was done. Done with thinking, done with pretending she's actually gonna get herself out of this mess. Instincts kick in and her fingers gripping Buffy's shirt tears it from the force before her lips collide with hers. They're a mess of lips, tongues, and wandering hands as Faith wastes no time getting Buffy's clothes off of her.

Buffy begins to pant heavily into her mouth at the force of her passion as every stitch of her clothing is removed and she struggles to get Faith's shirt over her head. But when it's discarded to the ground Faith rolls them over, switching their positions so that she's on top before plunging two fingers deep inside of Buffy's heated core.

"Oh fuck, Faith!" Buffy cries, grasping at her back, nails digging in as she spreads her legs wider for her. Her eyes shut momentarily from the pleasure, but she forces herself to open them again and look up at the woman on top of her.

Faith's eyes are wild as she looks down at her, her long wavy hair tumbles down around her shoulders and frames her face as her lips are slightly parted; swollen from the bruising passion behind their kisses. Her eyes drink in every dip, every curve of Buffy's body as she pauses, leaving her fingers inside of her but not moving an inch. "You're fuckin' beautiful, B," Faith breathes; about the only thing that her mind can comprehend at the moment.

Buffy presses her lips together as she whimpers a little, rolling her hips into Faith's hand, trying to encourage movement that doesn't seem to be coming. "Please…" she begs softly. But Faith barely listens and instead takes her time kissing Buffy's neck, biting and sucking softly at the tender flesh. Buffy whimpers again and tries to fuck herself against Faith's hand, but the brunette uses her bodyweight to still her hips as she lays on top of her and Buffy groans in frustration.

"You think you own me?" Faith asks her in a throaty whisper that sends shivers down Buffy's spine. It's almost like a challenge.

"Yes," Buffy breathes. Faith lifts up her head and Buffy turns hers to look at her before she breathlessly continues, "But I think it's a fair trade considering you're going to own me forever…"

That seems to snap Faith out of it, at least a little. She can't do this to her; she needs to leave. She withdraws her fingers from her and starts regrettably, "Buffy…"

"No," Buffy says, her voice sounding strong if not for the little quake of uncertainty that taints it. She grabs both of Faith's hands, lacing their fingers together as she pulls her a little so that their bodies are flush together. "Please don't…"

Faith swears a little under her breath. "I have to—" but she can't get the rest of the sentence out because she's silenced by Buffy's lips on hers. They kiss for softly awhile, Faith not being able to find the strength to just get up and go; this is so much harder that she expected it to be. Buffy cups her cheek and kisses her deeper before starting to roll them back over so she can be on top. But Faith breaks the kiss, already knowing where that's gonna head if she lets it. "No, B, I—"

But once again she's silenced with lips on hers as Buffy does take full control, pinning Faith down beneath her. Her grip isn't hard, but it's still making her point. When they break she whispers against her lips, her voice choking up a little, "Please Faith… just make love to me. Decide after that, but just please…" she bites her trembling lower lip and rolls her hips into Faith, their clits bumping against each other, making both women moan.

Faith knows she shouldn't do this.

"Buffy…"

"If you're going to say goodbye then do it properly!" Buffy whispers harshly, her emotions getting the better of her. Faith swears as she sees one tear fall from Buffy's eye and wiggles her wrist out of Buffy's slackening grip to reach up to wipe it away with her thumb. "Fuck, Faith, just…" Buffy starts, then sighs as she struggles to talk without completely breaking down. "If you need space that's fine, I'll let you go, okay? I'll wait for you if that's what you want but just don't leave without…" she trails off and another tear falls and Faith does the first thing she can think of; she kisses away the tear before pressing her lips to hers, rolling her hips harder into Buffy and making her gasp quietly into her mouth.

She's probably gonna go to hell for this one.

But Faith continues to kiss her anyway, grinding her clit against Buffy's as they both moan. Buffy's hands slide over every inch of her body as if trying to memorize it. She's still softly crying and that breaks Faith's heart more than anything else and she tries to give her all she needs so she can at least be happy for a moment, no matter how brief. She grabs Buffy's hips and guides them softly, making sure the friction created between them is at its peak. Buffy's panting against her lips as she slides her hand over Faith's breast, rolling her nipple between her fingers and sending sparks shooting to her core.

"Fuck, Buffy…" Faith moans, her words a bit muffled from Buffy's lips on hers.

Buffy wishes she could fool herself into thinking that if she gives Faith an orgasm that it'll make her stay, but she knows she's not going to. She still doesn't know why and it's killing her. Making love to Faith right now might also be killing her but she can't just let her leave without knowing for sure that Faith really does love her.

Buffy can see it in her eyes though; when she looks down at Faith as they both grind against each other, panting and moaning at every feeling that flows through their bodies. She can see the love behind her eyes, but she can also see the fear… and the regret she knows she's going to have once this is all over. Maybe it's cruel, but Buffy doesn't plan to save her from that regret because she knows she's going to have some of her own.

"I love you," Buffy pants out as her body slides against Faith's, the pressure building as she approaches the orgasm that is coming far too quickly. "Faith, I love you so much…" she breathes, her voice cracking as she chokes back a sob.

"I love you too," Faith tells her breathlessly. As she sees another tear fall from Buffy's eye she reaches up and wipes it away, "Shit, B, don't cry… please." It's like a knife in the gut all over again to see Buffy in so much pain and to know she's the cause of it, but just like back then; she doesn't know what to do about it other than run. It's what she's good at, after all.

Maybe she hasn't grown up as much as she thinks she has.

"Don't leave," Buffy suddenly chokes out, all of her emotions finally getting the best of her as she breaks down and sobs as she collapses on top of her, burying her face in Faith's neck. Faith wraps her arms around her as she stills her hips. God, she knew this was a bad idea. Neither of them could handle this. "Please don't leave me, Faith…"

"Shhh, B… come on, don't cry…" Faith tries as she strokes her hair, but all it seems to do is make Buffy cry harder.

"You're such a_ fucking_ asshole, you know?!" Buffy cries, pushing herself away from Faith before hitting her chest with her fists… hard. Faith winces at the pain but Buffy doesn't give her a chance to say anything, "Why can't you just be happy? Why can't you just stop running from everything that makes you feel good?!"

"B, I don't wanna do this again with you…" Faith sighs softly, rubbing the area where Buffy hit her. She sits up and tries to grab her clothes, realizing that sex is definitely a bust, but Buffy grabs them out of her hands and throws them across the room.

"Well too bad!" Buffy screams, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm gonna continue screaming at you until you tell me why you want to leave!"

"I didn't say I _want_ to leave!" Faith protests.

"Oh no, you just _need _to then, is that it?" Buffy mocks, scorned. "Bullshit. Tell me, Faith! Tell me why you want to leave so badly! What the hell has got you so scared that you need to run away from me like a pussy little bitch?!"

Whoa, what the fuck did she just call her?

"Fuck you, Buffy! You don't get it!" Faith yells. Not that she can really blame her, considering she has yet to explain it, but whatever. There's no fuckin' need to call her a pussy bitch. She's not running because she's scared!

"Then explain it to me!"

Faith shakes her head, "Just forget it, B. I gotta go." She gets off the bed and takes all of one step until Buffy grabs her arm and roughly pulls her back down before shoving her with all her strength. Faith falls back a little and looks at her, eyes flashing.

"I ain't afraid to hit you," she warns. This is getting ridiculous. Buffy can't force her to stay here!

"Then hit me," Buffy challenges, her voice dangerously calm. "Come on Faith, it's what you want, isn't it? Some big fight so you don't have to feel guilty about breaking my heart because you aren't woman enough to keep it in the first place!"

Yeah, she's purposely trying to piss Faith off now. It's working.

"I'm all the fuckin' woman you'll ever need!" Faith yells, offended by that. Not woman enough… what the _fuck?_ "Hell, I'm all the fuckin' man you'll ever need too! Don't fuck around with me, B!"

"I'm not; I'm just waiting for you to stop being such a pansy bitch and prove it to me!"

"I'm not scared, so stop callin' me shit like that!" Faith yells. God, she's never been called a pussy or a pansy bitch ever in her whole life and now she gets called them both in a span of two minutes? What the fuck.

"Really? Because you look pretty terrified to me."

"Fuck you. Fuck _this,"_ Faith spits out, getting off the bed before beginning to grab her clothes off the floor. She sees Buffy move off the bed from the corner of her eye and as she turns to tell her to seriously back the hell off, she's greeted by a fist to the face and she falls to the ground, losing her footing from the unexpected blow.

She reacts instinctively; eyes wild as she feels threatened, springing to her feet, and launching herself at Buffy. She dodges the first punch but the second connects, and connects _hard._ The bruise is already starting to form on Buffy's jaw as they start to circle each other, eyes dangerous. "What the_ fuck_ is your problem, B?!" Faith screams.

"What the hell does it look like, _F?"_ Buffy taunts, her eyes still glistening with angry tears. She's channeled her sadness into anger; something Faith has learned to do very well in the past and yet it still comes as a bag of bricks to the face when she sees it on someone else.

"Looks like your beggin' to get your ass kicked if ya ain't gonna let me walk out that door," Faith tells her.

"You'd hit the woman you claim to love?"

"You already have!"

"And you just did! So damnit, Faith, what the hell do we do now?! Is this all it's ever gonna be with us? We fight then we fuck and you tear my heart into a million pieces and then stomp on them like I'm worth _shit _to you?!" Buffy screams, stopping deliberately in front of the door so Faith can't leave.

"How can you still fuckin' say that you think your heart is worth shit to me?!" Faith screams. "Seriously Buffy, are you_ that_ fuckin' retarded?!"

How did they get here; naked and fighting with each other like this? This is why she needs to go; this right here. All this craziness, all this fuckin' insanity. Buffy's right; they fuck, they fight. They ain't ever gonna have anything normal and Buffy… she deserves better than that.

Faith's pretty sure she should deserve better that that too.

Buffy's eyes flash; the only warning Faith has before she lunges at her again. They're a mess of fists and fury as they trade blows; some connecting and others just barely being dodged. Faith's lip gets split open again and she growls, spinning around to have her elbow connect with Buffy's face. The blonde stumbles back but regains her footing almost immediately and ducks down to dodge another blow that's sent her way, sweeping her leg down and successfully tripping Faith so that she ends up falling hard to the ground.

They both wish that they were strong enough to stop this; to be able to get up and walk away and realize that fighting like this isn't gonna get them anywhere but more fucked up. But it's what they do best, the both of them; fight out their issues like they're still screwed up adolescents. With all the growing they've done as women over the last seven years, when it all comes down to it, it's worth shit when they're around each other. They still act like children and can't deal with their problems like normal people.

Maybe it's because they're Slayers; fighting is what they were built for, after all. But both of them know that's not it; that it has more to do with the way they are with each other more than anything else. They fell into a pattern long ago that neither of them can get out of.

Faith tries to get up once she hits the floor, but Buffy's on top of her, straddling her and using her thigh muscles to pin her down as she lands two blows to Faith's face. Her face is contorted in anger and sadness; tears still falling from her eyes as she chokes back a sob and furiously tries to hit her again, but Faith grabs her wrist before it connects. "Fuck you!" Buffy screams, distraught. "I wish I never fell in love with you! FUCK YOU! I knew you were going to hurt me!"

"Get the fuck off of me, you crazy bitch!" Faith yells, keeping a tight grip on Buffy's wrist before using her other hand to knock Buffy clean across the jaw. But Buffy looks like she barely even feels it as she grabs Faith's free hand and pins it above her head.

"I HATE YOU!" Buffy screams, looking down at her furiously. They're both at a stalemate; each of them knowing they'd have to let go of the other one to move themselves. So they stare at each other; breathing heavily in their fury, the silence becoming deafening after Buffy's heated words.

That moment seems to stretch on forever until suddenly it stops as they kiss each other passionately; angrily as they let go of each other's wrists and use their hands to touch every part of each other that they can reach. Neither of them really knew who moved first, maybe they did at the same time. But it didn't matter. This is proof though; good, solid proof of how screwed up they really are with each other, and how they won't ever be able to have a healthy relationship.

Buffy cries out as Faith's teeth sink into her neck, slamming her hand down against the carpet and grabbing onto it as she rolls her hips into Faith. Her lips are trailing across every bit of skin that she can reach; biting and sucking as she marks every inch of Buffy that she can. Buffy's gasping as she tangles her fingers in Faith's hair and grinds her clit against her thigh as she cries out, "Fuck, Faith, yes, oh god!"

Faith growls at the sound of Buffy's pleading tone and roughly flips them over, lips crashing against hers as her hand finds its way between her legs, slipping her fingers over the blonde's aching clit. Buffy moans hard in her mouth and grabs onto her back, spreading her legs wider as Faith bites down on Buffy's lower lip just as she slips her fingers inside of her.

"Oh fuck," Buffy gasps hard, bucking her hips to meet Faith's fingers. She clenches her muscles and pulls her deeper inside of her as she pants against her mouth, right before Faith starts to fuck her so hard she can barely remember her own name; let alone where she is, what she's actually doing, and how screwed up it was that they got here in the first place.

The way Faith pounds into her, looking down at her with such a look of unadulterated lust in her eyes, has Buffy practically screaming, begging, whimpering, and panting so hard that she can barely get time to take a breath before she's letting it out again with another cry of ecstasy. Buffy wraps her arms around Faith's neck and holds on, the only thing she _can _do as she screams Faith's name over and over, which seems to be the only thing that her mind can comprehend at the moment.

Her first orgasm comes quick and the second even faster than that. Buffy's pretty sure she's stopped breathing but Faith still continues to fuck her with abandon, never letting up for a second. Buffy's vaguely aware of her screaming, "Don't stop!" over and over before screaming again, a third orgasm ripping through her body like a violent tidal wave and ends up sending her to another dimension since the colors she's seeing and the feelings she's having can't possibly exist in this one.

Faith does give her time to rest after that one, but only just barely. She's kissing her again; hard and wild as Buffy pants breathlessly into her mouth, still holding onto her since she's pretty sure she can't move her arms, let alone any other part of her body. But then, somewhere in the distance, beyond the haze that is Buffy's mind, she hears Faith moaning and she realizes that she's started fucking herself on top of Buffy, too worked up to wait for her. Buffy finds some control and effort inside of her and manages to let go of her and roughly push Faith's hand away from her own pussy before slamming her fingers inside of her.

"Fuck, Buffy!" Faith cries, her hips bucking wildly against the blonde's hand. Buffy tries to keep up, but three orgasms hasn't done much for her coordination. She's mostly left with having to let Faith fuck herself against her fingers, which she surmises is acceptable since she still gets to be inside of her. She can feel Faith's walls pulsating around her fingers and she bites down on her neck in a way that's bordering more on painful than pleasurable, but Faith cries out like it's the best she's ever had, slamming her hand down hard against the carpet and swearing loudly.

"Come all over me, Faith!" Buffy demands, her voice hoarse from screaming. She curls her fingers to hit Faith's g spot and she feels the orgasm start to quickly course through every inch of Faith's body, making her muscles tremble and her eyes fly shut before she has the biggest orgasm Buffy thinks she's ever seen someone have in their entire _life_. It freaks Buffy out for a minute with the amount of wetness that pours from Faith's body before she realizes that she's actually _squirting _all over her. The warm liquid splashes on Buffy's hand and then down, all over the lower half of their bodies. Buffy moans hard, feeling it cover her pussy and she kisses Faith with reckless abandon as she palms her clit hard, making Faith climax for a second time just moments after.

They're both breathless as they collapse against each other, both of their heads spinning from the intensity of their lovemaking. They're both tired; worn out physically and emotionally exhausted as they lay there, struggling to stay in the waking world for just a moment longer. But sleep overtakes them both and they pass out; Faith on top of Buffy on the floor after the blonde has an idle thought about how they might be screwed up, but they're screwed up in their perfection.

Buffy knew it was coming, but when she awoke hours later she was still surprised and mildly horrified to find herself completely alone. She tried not to cry, but as she gathered her clothes off the floor she found the tears to be streaming down her cheeks as she prayed to whoever was listening that Faith would find her way back to her.

Someday.

**THE END**


End file.
